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This is a really good thread and I want you to read it. I am also going to chime in below. https://twitter.com/viciousdelights/status/1381624263103242241">https://twitter.com/viciousde...
My entire life was teaching school and working my side jobs from 2006-2017. I had “fun” one weekend a year at a Con. That’s it. My entire life was work. I tried to get back into fandoms in 2013 and got into a bit more in 2015. I got into Reylo and Star Wars in 2017.
The ONLY stuff I did for me was writing with @HerSisKeeper and chatting in various Discords. All my friends were teachers or folks I knew through grad school/academia.
In 2017 a parent decided they didn’t like what I was doing at work because my class taught the AP curriculum and critical thinking skills - asking students to question the past. They harassed me and reported me to my supervisors constantly. It was the worst year of my life.
What made it worse was that I didn’t have anything in my life other than work. Once I left my job, I literally had NOTHING left. I didn’t even own jeans because I was always at work where we were not allowed to wear jeans. My job was irreplaceable to ME. I meant nothing to THEM.
You know that feeling you have after a breakup and you realize that your ex didn’t care about you? They didn’t see you as a person? I had that feeling about my job. Teaching was my entire personality. It was everything for 11 years. I didn’t matter to them. At all.
I had to start over. I didn’t know how I liked to dress, because my school controlled my appearance with a strict dress code. I didn’t have hobbies because I worked all the time. I didn’t see my irl friends at all because I worked constantly.
I seriously thought about killing myself because my school had to report all the (groundless) parent complaints and that could have lost me my teaching certificate. Even if they were shown to be false. I wouldn’t be able to teach ever again and that was all I had.
Nothing in the world should have the power to destroy you. I should have had a balance where I had a life outside work so I could have more perspective and be emotionally grounded. Instead, all my self-worth was wrapped up in a job with people didn’t give a SHIT about me.
I was regularly told that I should be “grateful” to work for my employer and that if I or anyone else dared to complain, that I should work elsewhere because I didn’t know how good I had it. I believed them and it nearly killed me.
My therapist forced me to schedule time to do things that weren’t work. Once a week. She made me read non-history books. Encouraged me to write with @HerSisKeeper whenever I had time. That helped me build an identity outside of my job and see myself as a person again.
I am still a mess. I am deeply traumatized by my last job and have been diagnosed with ptsd. The weight has gotten lighter since I started doing things other than work. I write. I read. Make TikToks. Play video games. I’ve made new friends.
I don’t want any of you to end up like me. Where your life comes down to ONE THING - your job - that is the source of all your happiness and self-esteem. They’ll replace you without a thought. It’s built into the capitalist system. No one is irreplaceable.
Even with all my awards, amazing test scores and parents who adored me, my job was done with me the second I was slightly inconvenient. Don’t do it. Have a life. Spread your interests and joy widely so that you always have somewhere to retreat to and recharge.
