Ok #RevPit, as I'm staring down my shortlist we're going to do a thread and it's going to get a little ~personal~ and deal with fun feelings like inadequacy and frustration and hopelessness. Because putting your work out there can really, really suck.

My "shortlist" came in at 46 books, all of which I would check out if I came across them at the library because they had something in them that called to me. A lot of them are well written. Some didn't have issues in the sub package for me to critique.

Which leaves me trying to make choices based off some pretty arbitrary things like being in the mood for a certain type of story. It's a numbers game and it's one that isn't always fun.

We know that skill matters, but luck matters more than any of us are really comfortable with. And that's not to even mention the ways publishing is biased against marginalized matters.

Publishing is not fair. Lots of great manuscripts don't get chosen.

There's nothing novel in saying this. It's a brutal business, and we gloss over this a lot with promises that you'll get there some day. And while I genuinely believe in sticking with it, I don't want to do the toxic positivity thing.

Sometimes it's okay to stew in feelings of frustration.

It's okay to cry about querying.

And sometimes the most frustrating response isn't that your writing needs work. It's probably more frustrating to be told it's good but that it's being passed over anyway.

Frankly, it's really awful to feel like you gave a book your all and that it didn't matter.

While choosing #RevPit subs has always been difficult, I think this year has been particularly painful for me personally because I recently left the query trenches, shelving a book after receiving a lot of "great writing but not for me" responses.

This particular book is so dear to me, especially because it deals with asexuality. It tackles issues I have never seen in a YA ace book (and I've read just about all of them). So it feels important not just for me but for the market generally, which makes rejections sting more.

And it sucks.

A lot.

Querying sucks. The subjectivity sucks. The timing sucks. It's depressing.

Some of my favorite songs I have a hard time listening to because they remind me of this book I loved but had to shelve.

I'm approaching feedback differently because of these recent experiences. I don't want to imply that a book is bound to get picked up, even if I think that book deserves to get picked up. I want you to feel good about what you've accomplished, but not push toxic positivity.

And I do hope that authors I have to turn down feel encouraged, because they should be proud of their books. I'm proud of them, even if I can't take them all.

But you also fully have my permission to feel disappointed and upset.

This is a depressing thread, huh? I'll end with this. I don't regret querying my heart book because when you love it enough, you want to give your story every chance you can. Even if it hurts.

I believe that story is worth all of it.

And so is yours.