Abandonment is about abandonment. Not really about the person who may or may not be currently dismissing you.

Thread:

When someone exhibits behaviors of avoidance, neglect, or nonchalance someone without abandonment issues can see this and tap out. It doesn’t mean they won’t feel rejected or burned, but they’ll know what to do with the information they’re given and move on.

“Damn you’re kind of a shitty person, I don’t really like this, I’m out.”

End scene.

A person with abandonment issues won’t let go. They might do everything that’s required on the surface (leaving the culprit alone, not engaging with them and holding on to their dignity) but beneath all that the narrative still continues.

The person that’s left is now the sole enemy of the person that has been left. All this is, is childhood wounds directed outwards in an attempt to displace and ventilate it. Now we have an enemy, we have someone to place the pain on, now someone is responsible.

But really the person responsible for this, is the caregiver/parent. But ever since then everyone else that has come along and discarded us now gets the same energy and attention as those parents. We’re hitting replay on an old scenario whenever it presents itself.

This doesn’t shift the blame from current individuals that come along & discard us, because between me & you they can eat multiple dicks & rot in hell for all I care.

But our part in all of this is asking why see something familiar & hold on to it for dear life despite the pain?

People who internalize their abandonment issues people-please, walk on eggshells and lack personal power (you can’t hurt me if I become everything you’ve ever wanted)

People who externalize their abandonment issues become hyper-independent, have rigid boundaries and become extremely self-centered (you can’t hurt me if I don’t let you in)

These are all subconscious defense mechanisms. The more conscious we become the more we’re aware of it. Take your power back and understand from today onwards, we can have one less person that will abandon us: ourselves.

Internalizers: show up for yourself as if you’re cradling your inner child. Every interaction you float to, you’re putting that child through, make it a healthy one. If I was to mistreat your child, would you bring them back to me? No you wouldn’t.

Externalizers: show up for yourself by being open to healthy relationships. Practice asking for help, practice understanding “needing others” is not weak. Practice boundaries that make sense, not boundaries meant to punish others which later on actually end up hurting you.