Thread by @XanderMobusVO, So, I've been on anti-depressents for about month now and I guess [...]

So, I& #39;ve been on anti-depressents for about month now and I guess I just kinda want to break down what the process has been, what work I& #39;ve decided to do on me, and where we go from here. In a thread that is probably way to long.

Why? Hopefully if you are going through...

Something similar this can help. If you aren& #39;t but want to know what my process has been like maybe you& #39;ll learn something. And who knows, maybe I just wanna get it out and order my thoughts. I dunno why I do things. Fuck. What am I? A science man?

First thing, I guess, is let& #39;s talk what depression looked like for me. I& #39;m not everyone (I know! I was shocked to learn this too) so different folks will have different experiences.

For me sadness was absolutely an aspect of it, but usually in a typical low it was just draining

My motivation was gone, self hatred was way up, I felt tired and fatigued all the time. My inclination used to be lay on the floor all day and watch through Futurama (seriously, I love this show, but if you see me binge watching it, it& #39;s a bad sign). Then I was an adult..

Got a nice bed and then it was lay in bed all day and binge watch through Futurama. The idea of doing anything was terrifying and daunting and everything seemed impossible.

When it got real bad, it was sort of the same but with more crying and the feeling of worthlessness and..

Self hate just at peak levels.

The first step for me was seeking help. Why did I wait till I was 28 and it had definitely seriously fucked up a good chunk of my 20s? I don& #39;t fully know. The meds give me some objectivity but I& #39;m not a master of self awareness...

The stuff I can identify? It was a bad cocktail of shit. Partially it was denial. I like to think I& #39;m in control of my life and to some degree my mood. And so I just didn& #39;t want it to be a part of me I had to deal with. I& #39;ve had a few friends reach out and say...

"Oh I had no idea, man" and it& #39;s because I liked to conduct myself like normal (or...whatever passes as normal to me). Partially it was I just didn& #39;t realize fully how bad I got. I figured "Oh everyone has their shit. This is just my shit."

Thankfully because of the meds...

I can look back and be like...damn, dude, how the fuck did you think that was okay? You& #39;ve watched through all of Futurama like 30 times!

But at the time? Just didn& #39;t fully register. So seeking help was a real good step one. Getting medicated has given me more clarity...

And more sense of objectivity. That being said, not a cure all. I still get sad, I still get the urge to lay on the floor and binge watch Futurama (I swear I do watch the show when I& #39;m happy too) but it& #39;s easier to fight. It& #39;s easier to see how that is destructive.

Next step. Stop self medicating. I got pretty good at abusing the shit out of myself there. Knocking that shit off has helped a ton! I still smoke like it& #39;s the end of the fucking world, but it& #39;s a journey and I& #39;m more aware of it now and trying to ease back...

And the other vices I& #39;ve managed to cut out. It& #39;s been good . It was destructive. It was hurting me, my relationships, and it was never a solution.

Next thing I did was get a dog. I always wanted one and I finally had the opportunity to get one and I jumped on it...

It& #39;s been really good! He& #39;s a shy, sweet, very affectionate boy, who will fucking murder you for a pine cone. I love the shit out of him.

When I was looking I didn& #39;t know exactly what I was looking for, but then I found him and it was just instant love...

The thing is he needs a lot of structure in his life. And I definitely need structure in mine, so it& #39;s sort of a symbiotic relationship. It doesn& #39;t matter if I wanna lie on the floor, or get wasted and listen to Muppet music till 4am, he needs to piss and shit, he needs food...

He needs plenty of exercise, and he needs love and attention, and since he& #39;s a rescue with some minor issues, he needs work and training. And I love him and want to provide all those things for him, so I HAVE to do it. And that helps a TON!...

Plus, he& #39;s a snuggler, so when I am feeling down he will come up and just be like "Hey, Dad, ya know what will make you feel better? Rubbing my tummy!" And he& #39;s usually right.

Next up, I started trying to learn new shit! There are plenty of things I& #39;ve always wanted to learn...

Skills I wanted to pick up, artistic pursuits I wanted to try, that I just haven& #39;t. The motivation drain is part of it, but also, maybe because I am in a creative field professionally, I always feel like there is pressure to be good and please an audience...

And that& #39;s fucking dumb! It& #39;s just stuff I wanna do in my time! I& #39;m not sharing it with anyone, I don& #39;t need to be good at shit! Hell if I pick it up and decide I don& #39;t like it, there is no fucking pressure to keep going! The only thing it needs to be is fun!

So, I picked up a..

Piano and I& #39;m trying to learn that. Wanted to do it since I was a kid. I& #39;m dog shit at it. I can& #39;t play any real songs, but I& #39;m having fun. And if I don& #39;t have anything to do and I& #39;m feeling useless, hey, it& #39;s right there and even plunking out an exercise I& #39;ve played a million...

Times is still a productive use of my time.

Then we& #39;ve got rituals. Little things I do every morning and every evening that just help ground me and are garunteed good things I did that day. Every morning it& #39;s wake up early, walk and feed the dog, make coffee, cook breakfast...

Clean up the dishes, shower, brush my teeth, floss, tidy up my room and make my bed. Then at night, same deal. Walk dog and put him to bed, shower, brush teeth, floss, change into PJs, tidy up the room, bed.

Partially this is just a nice thing. Taking care of yourself is a...

Good feeling, and usually the last thing I feel like doing in a low. It& #39;s a simple pleasure, but it& #39;s a nice one. It also grounds me. It means even if I accomplished nothing else that day, I did those things.

Then there is food. When I& #39;m in a low I have a weird relationship...

With food. I either eat too much of it and garbage for a cheap happy boosts, or if its real bad I don& #39;t eat at all. Before the meds I didn& #39;t eat for a week and a half. It& #39;s bad.

Thing is, I love good food, I love cooking it and sharing it with other people. So I& #39;ve been...

Exploring what are healthy, but delicious options so I can still have my love of it and celebrate that, while still taking care of myself. And it& #39;s been good! I still feel excited and happy about it, but I feel healthier and better able to function. And as a result...

The weight I& #39;ve been struggling to lose for years is coming off. It& #39;s at a healthy rate and I feel good.

I& #39;m literally out of tweets. I got one more thing to cover but I gotta start a new thread. If this is all ya read I hope this was informative. Maybe helped. I dunno.

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