When we say we take Baby Ass Baby Mode seriously at  @whatsgood_games we mean it. I'm excited to reveal  @blondenerd and I are welcoming TWO new members to WGG.

This June,  @johntdrake and I will welcome our daughter to our family. It has been a long road to get here and we're grateful to be on the path to parenthood. I couldn't imagine raising our #rainbowbaby with anyone else.

You see, it's been a tough journey, filled with lots of tears and pain after suffering through 3 pregnancy losses since 2017. I was told those terrible words, "there is no heartbeat," on the same day I found out I was nominated for Trending Gamer of the Year. I was devastated.

My 3rd loss ended in an emergency surgery days before E3 2019, when it was discovered I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured. It was discovered I was hemorrhaging internally hours before I was supposed to board my plane for LA...on my husband's bday at that.

If you saw me with my snazzy walker that year, you saw me days after losing my third pregnancy, pushing my grief aside in one of the only ways I know how: throwing myself into my work. (The prospect of sitting home alone with my grief was a far worse one for me.)

So you can imagine when I went to the hospital with severe abdominal pain last month I was terrified, not only for myself but what it could mean for our baby. I was just starting to become comfortable with the idea that this pregnancy would make it.

Then I was told I would need major surgery that would happen around my uterus with a major risk of pre-term labor and birth, or worse. Not only was I in more pain than I've ever experienced, I had to grapple w/ the idea that the surgery to save my life would end our child's life.

But thanks to the amazing medical team at Providence Cedars Sinai my surgery was successful, and afterward, the labor & delivery team was able to stop my pre-term labor. I've never felt more like a test case from Grey's Anatomy with the amount of monitoring I was under though.

Pregnancy loss, miscarriage, and stillbirth are far more common than you probably realize. But those who experience it seldom publicly speak about it for a variety of reasons. It took me a long time to come to terms with my emotions about what happened to me and my body.

I felt ashamed, embarrassed, like a failure, like it was my fault, like I was broken. I still fear each day in this pregnancy that I will do something wrong or the worst will happen. I look at women with easy pregnancies with jealousy and question: why did this happen to me?

But I found no solace in looking for those answers. So instead, I focused on living my life the best that I could and focusing on the things I am grateful for in my life: my loving husband & family, my supportive friends, and an amazing community in What's Good.

I'm telling my story today in hopes that it helps someone out there coping with their own grief. You're not alone. You may feel hopeless, but there is hope. I know I couldn't see it, or sometimes refused to, during my losses. But there is help out there when you're ready for it.

You may have seen #AndreaReneStrong t-shirts last week. You can buy one at http://www.andreastrong.net  with proceeds benefitting  #PlannedParenthood, an organization that focuses on healthcare and well-being.