bakugou is the type to call kirishima baby as a joke and absolutely ruin kirishima's life while he's at it

(this thread is complete crack you have been warned and krbk are probably in like third year)

it starts because they're outside getting ice-cream together, and kirishima yelps when his falls clean off his cone.

"NO!" kirishima wails, dropping to his knees and lamenting over his rotten luck meanwhile bakugou, the MEANEST person in the world, is dying from laughter beside him. kirishima's too sad to care though as he sniffs and glares at his betrayer (his ice-cream cone).

but then something nudges his shoulder.

"get /up/, you big baby, share mine," bakugou tells him, voice still amused, and kirishima blinks before immediately perking up and getting up so quickly that he almost falls again.

bakugou cackles as kirishima immediately takes a bite of his ice-cream, snorting, "you're so simple."

the next time is when kirishima gets his hand stuck in what feels like the smallest jar ever and it hurts so much that /tears/ prick at his eyes.

he walks over to bakugou like a kicked puppy and gestures sadly to his hand, and bakugou looks at it. his eyes widen and he looks like he's about to laugh, before he looks at kirishima's face and his eyes widen even more, from panic this time

"oi, oi, come on, you baby, s'nothing to cry about," bakugou tries to awkwardly reassure him, reaching out to pat kirishima's cheek a little hard but the sentiment's there.

"i'm not a baby," kirishima whines, even if bakugou calling him that had softened the pain a little with how consoling he'd, uh, tried to sound, and bakugou rolls fond eyes.

"hell yeah you are and you're a dumbass too, just harden your hand."

kirishima gasps, and bakugou finally does laugh when kirishima throws out arms and yells, "STAND BACK, MY SMART BESTIE" before he hardens his hand and surely enough the glass breaks and falls to the ground.

kirishima looks back at bakugou excitedly who pummels a cushion from the sofa at him.

"clean it up, you idiot."

the next time is what first hits the hardest. they're play-wrestling for the last donut satou made, where kirishima was about to take it before bakugou jumped out of fucking nowhere and hammered him into the ground.

"THAT DONUT'S MINE, BAKUGOU, IVE HAD A REALLY TOUGH WEEK OKAY," kirishima sobs as he tackles bakugou who jams an elbow into kirishima's gut making him yowl.

"awe, baby needs sugar to make him feel better?" bakugou coos even as his sharp eyes flash with challenge but kirishima doesn't catch that. he just hesitates, blinking for a moment as he thinks...why the /hell/ did that make his heart rate spike so high...

the moment of hesitation is all bakugou needs to floor him for good and snatch the donut from the plate. kirishima stares up at him dizzily, and all bakugou does is take a bite and wink, all feral smiles, before he throws the rest of the donut at kirishima's chest and stalks off.

kirishima lays there, cheeks firetruck red before he covers his eyes with his hands and groans.

and it just keeps going. bakugou says it whenever kirishima overreacts over something, or is too loud, or gets emotional which is pretty much /way too often/. and he says it in so many different ways.

sometimes he'll snap it like he's scolding kirishima, sometimes he'll say it sort of softly like he's trying to comfort kirishima, and sometimes...it's a whole stack of flirty overload, which is so strange because who the fuck would've known that bakugou can /flirt/?

kirishima is going mad and so many times he's had to excuse himself from bakugou just to run to the other side of the school or his room and /scream/. in a not very manly way.

kirishima is entirely certain that bakugou knows what he's doing and he is very deliberately ruining kirishima's life, until this one time when kirishima is sighing over his maths homework and bakugou pokes him in the cheek with a ruler, saying, "you don't need to think so hard."

"what's that supposed to mean?!"

"when you overthink things you always miss the actual solution."

"oh," kirishima mutters, scratching his head. so he takes a step back and starts again. a page of pencilwork later and a bit of help from a page of formulas and he's showing his answer to bakugou who looks at it and grins.

"you got it, baby."

kirishima seizes up but the funny thing is, so does bakugou. not as obviously as kirishima but he freezes and his nose and ears touch up with pink as he opens his mouth in surprise.

and it's all because that was a completely new way for bakugou to say it. completely casually, with no reason for it at all.

kirishima jolts when bakugou suddenly gets up, telling kirishima a grumbled "toilet" so low and quick that it barely sounds coherent, and kirishima barely gets to tell him that there's a toilet in his room before bakugou's out the door.

twenty whole minutes kirishima waits before bakugou returns, coughs, and they continue like nothing happened. except now they both have a permanent quiet blush and kirishima catches bakugou smirking a little proudly to himself a few times.

oh god.

bakugou likes this. bakugou now knows what he's doing to kirishima and he's /proud/ of it. kirishima drops his head into his hands and groans so loud that bakugou launches a pen at his head. but instead of telling him to shut up like he used to, he asks a small "...are you okay?"

kirishima hates how that makes his heart clench. he morosely shakes his head, and bakugou's silent, before he gets up and leaves again. then he comes back, rests something on the table by kirishima's head and tells him, "'m gonna go back to my room."

then kirishima's alone for good. he raises his head miserably, and zones in on a packet of skittles. kirishima might be going through a whole lot of feelings towards bakugou right now but that does make him smile.

he also sees a post-it note attached, something written on it.

'if i buy you stuff like this does that make you my sugar baby now'

"BAKUGOU, FUCK YOU!" kirishima yells in the squeakiest voice ever as his entire body flares red, and he hears bakugou cackle so hard that a loud thump follows where he probably fell off his fucking bed.

"hey," bakugou greets him breezily the next morning before doubling over wheezing when kirishima immediately runs back into his room and locks the door. "K-KIRISHIMA, COME ON-"

"I'M NOT COMING OUT, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME, DON'T EVEN DARE-"

"but everyone'll miss you, baby," bakugou tells him through the door, voice light and soft. kirishima flushes so hard and accidentally bangs into his wardrobe with a yelp but also for a moment, he almost believes bakugou's saying it seriously.

like an awesome boyfriend who says sweet things to make kirishima feel better.

bakugou's no awesome boyfriend of kirishima's, though.

kirishima opens the door a crack and peeks his head out, looking at bakugou who seems wholly proud of himself as he grins at kirishima, arms crossed while he rests his head against the door. the light flush on his face makes it seem even more real.

"would you miss me too" kirishima asks with a pout, and bakugou rolls his eyes as he hooks an arm around kirishima's shoulders and pulls him out the room so they can get going.

"/duh/."

kirishima lights up, and he thinks, that was way sweeter than anything an awesome boyfriend could say. bakugou watches him with a raised eyebrow and kirishima smiles at him, throwing all caution to the wind when he teases, "then call me baby one more time and i'll kiss you."

bakugou freezes, his eyes growing to the size of moons. and kirishima doesn't even know what he'd been expecting but it definitely wasn't for bakugou to kick his own dorm room open and shove kirishima inside.

kirishima watches with a hand over his mouth when bakugou already makes a whole show of shedding his blazer as he says a low, "baby your wish is my fuckin' command."

and kirishima /howls/ from laughter, trying to keep bakugou away when he comes in close trying to get his kiss.

"i hate you so so much, man," kirishima sighs after he's wound down, eyes teary when he grabs bakugou's face. bakugou stares at him, eyes endeared even when he mutters a slightly embarrassed, "yeah i get that" and lets kirishima kiss him, finally.

he drops his blazer for good so he can rest his hands on kirishima's sides and pull him closer. kirishima laughs in surprise when he stumbles forward, making bakugou grin against him.

it's an awful kiss, and it makes kirishima melt from how much he loves it.

"i’ve got way more pet names in my arsenal if that's what it gets me," bakugou tells him completely seriously, and kirishima grimaces when he remembers how just 'baby' has almost killed him.

"god, dude, you're gonna murder me before I even graduate."

"you know murder's my middle name," bakugou says smugly as he grabs kirishima's hand and they're off to school again, with kirishima deadpanning, "yeah i do know mr great explosion murder god dynamight."

"holy shit, murder's /exactly/ in the middle. i’m so fucking cool."

"bakugou, you suck."

———thank you for readin this thing that i will never speak of again it has been an entire fever dream writing it