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What if Sakusa’s parents want Osamu for him instead? They’re taking up business in college, and Samu caught their attention by starting a small resto as an undergrad.
So they set up their dates. But Sakusa’s more interested in the twin… An athlete… His parents would freak.
So they set up their dates. But Sakusa’s more interested in the twin… An athlete… His parents would freak.
It’s hard not to be attracted to Atsumu. He really tried. Samu is safer, his parents’ glaring choice for him. They don’t like each other, not really and not like that, but there is stability in their formulaic dates.
Then there is Atsumu. God, how does one even describe Atsumu?+
Then there is Atsumu. God, how does one even describe Atsumu?+
He’s loud. He runs his mouth. He’s brash, impulsive. Of course he is, because how else would anyone choose /volleyball/ as a career path?
Most of all, he reminds Sakusa of something unreachable, something illogical, irrational. He reminds him of passion. Of the abstract. +
Most of all, he reminds Sakusa of something unreachable, something illogical, irrational. He reminds him of passion. Of the abstract. +
It happens when Samu runs late for another one of their dates. He sees Atsumu waiting outside their college and taps his shoulder. “Samu told me his class is running late.”
Atsumu mumbles about ‘stupid twin’ and ‘how hard is it to text me’. Then he looks up at Sakusa wide eyed.+
Atsumu mumbles about ‘stupid twin’ and ‘how hard is it to text me’. Then he looks up at Sakusa wide eyed.+
Red Flag No. 1.
“Ya still play, Omi-kun?” Sakusa scrunches his nose at the nickname but shakes his head no all the same. “I’m focusing on my studies right now.”
Atsumu hums. Then he sets the question.
Red Flag No. 2. “Wanna play for a bit then?”
He says yes. +
“Ya still play, Omi-kun?” Sakusa scrunches his nose at the nickname but shakes his head no all the same. “I’m focusing on my studies right now.”
Atsumu hums. Then he sets the question.
Red Flag No. 2. “Wanna play for a bit then?”
He says yes. +
Then Atsumu sets for him. High and low. Torso parallel to the ground with all 10 fingers.
Red Flag No. 3.
A reminder of a passion he had long abandoned, embodied in a person that’s brimming with love for the sport.
A reminder of a choice he doesn’t have. The sport. The boy.+
Red Flag No. 3.
A reminder of a passion he had long abandoned, embodied in a person that’s brimming with love for the sport.
A reminder of a choice he doesn’t have. The sport. The boy.+
“Oi! I’ve been calling and yer not answering!” Sakusa turns and Samu is there. Stability. Certainty. So why is he so drawn to the opposite?
Sakusa power walks towards the exit, raring to leave. “Let’s go, Samu.”
The twins share a meaningful look. Sakusa says nothing. +
Sakusa power walks towards the exit, raring to leave. “Let’s go, Samu.”
The twins share a meaningful look. Sakusa says nothing. +
But it doesn’t mean Samu will, though.
“Ya like Tsumu.” It isn’t even a question. He says it like it’s a fact. How, when Sakusa can’t even grasp his head around the idea of it?
“Ya always look for him whenever he’s fetchin’ me after our dates. +
“Ya like Tsumu.” It isn’t even a question. He says it like it’s a fact. How, when Sakusa can’t even grasp his head around the idea of it?
“Ya always look for him whenever he’s fetchin’ me after our dates. +
“And awhile ago, I’ve never seen ya that happy with me. Not even in our classes.”
Samu puts down his fork, an action as foreboding as the next words that leave his lips. “Are you even sure about this, Kiyoomi? About everything?”
Well, given recent events, apparently he isn’t.
Samu puts down his fork, an action as foreboding as the next words that leave his lips. “Are you even sure about this, Kiyoomi? About everything?”
Well, given recent events, apparently he isn’t.
Then they watch Atsumu’s first V. League game, and he notices Samu staring far too often and too hard at the EJP side.
“So we both like bratty, cocky, and professional volleyball players, huh.”
Samu turns to him, startled, before laughing softly. “Yeah. Guess so.” +
“So we both like bratty, cocky, and professional volleyball players, huh.”
Samu turns to him, startled, before laughing softly. “Yeah. Guess so.” +
Samu shakes his head in disbelief, finally letting go of the smile he has been suppressing since the match started. “We’re so fucked, Kiyoomi.”
A similar smile curls in Sakusa’s lips. On court, Atsumu is blowing a raspberry towards a deadpan Suna. “So fucked.”
A similar smile curls in Sakusa’s lips. On court, Atsumu is blowing a raspberry towards a deadpan Suna. “So fucked.”
[i’ll leave it openended for now because it’s getting too angsty in my head HAHA]
[okay so i’m choosing violence today so cw // (light?) angst from here on out! This won’t end sad, though, I promise!]
——
Atsumu has gotten used to watching Samu receive the regretful head shaking whenever people find out he’s not going pro and is pursuing the food industry instead. He often forgets that there are people outside his circle of volleyball freaks who’d think the exact opposite. +
Atsumu has gotten used to watching Samu receive the regretful head shaking whenever people find out he’s not going pro and is pursuing the food industry instead. He often forgets that there are people outside his circle of volleyball freaks who’d think the exact opposite. +
That, to other people, /he’s/ the illogical twin who chose a career as unstable as volleyball. A career with an end dictated by physical limits and age.
He’s reminded of this when Samu gets a call from the Sakusas, saying they want him for their son. +
He’s reminded of this when Samu gets a call from the Sakusas, saying they want him for their son. +
Samu, not him, for Sakusa Kiyoomi, the object of his hidden affections. This has become glaringly clear whenever he fetches Samu from their dates and catches them in the middle a conversation about investors that he can’t even begin to comprehend. +
But sometimes Atsumu thinks… maybe it’s not unrequited. Dark eyes meet his the moment he walks in to fetch Samu. Sakusa’s eyes always find him, and hope springs in his chest unbidden.
But Sakusa never does anything about it. And that’s the problem, isn’t it? +
But Sakusa never does anything about it. And that’s the problem, isn’t it? +
Nothing hurts more than knowing someone likes you back, but they don’t think it’s worth taking a risk to do anything about those feelings. That /Atsumu/ is not worth the risk.
Things take a turn when Atsumu tossed to Sakusa that day, though. +
Things take a turn when Atsumu tossed to Sakusa that day, though. +
Every jump felt like leap of faith, all of which Sakusa answered for with a spike, a “one more, Miya”.
Then Samu comes in and Sakusa goes off, striding as if his soles are itching to leave, and Atsumu thinks, “Ah. I get it.”
So no one can fault him for turning to Suna. Right?+
Then Samu comes in and Sakusa goes off, striding as if his soles are itching to leave, and Atsumu thinks, “Ah. I get it.”
So no one can fault him for turning to Suna. Right?+
He begins the call with a “I think I like Omi.” Suna quirks an eyebrow. “Was this supposed to be a secret?”
Atsumu lets out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, well, Samu doesn’t know.”
“You share the same idiot DNA. Of course he doesn’t know. But mostly because you don’t say anything.”+
Atsumu lets out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, well, Samu doesn’t know.”
“You share the same idiot DNA. Of course he doesn’t know. But mostly because you don’t say anything.”+
Suna watches Atsumu groan through the screen, folding in on himself as if Suna’s quip physically hit him.
“Because I know if I say anything he’ll stop. You know ‘im. Besides, yer not sayin anything either, ya hypocrite.”
“How can I after I saw what happened to you?”
Ah. That.+
“Because I know if I say anything he’ll stop. You know ‘im. Besides, yer not sayin anything either, ya hypocrite.”
“How can I after I saw what happened to you?”
Ah. That.+
His parents are supportive of Atsumu’s career. They even went with him as he looked for an apartment, they never missed a single game. They believe in him and his skills.
But not enough to be completely at ease with the unpredictability of his career path. Not when it took him +
But not enough to be completely at ease with the unpredictability of his career path. Not when it took him +
a while before he played in his first game. Not when he will eventually be forced to retire, and what will he do without a college degree?
Then there’s Samu. Everyone will always look for food, especially onigiris. Samu can even continue cooking until he’s gray and old. +
Then there’s Samu. Everyone will always look for food, especially onigiris. Samu can even continue cooking until he’s gray and old. +
It tinged every apartment hopping with a bit of worry, like his parents are giving him extra support because his frail foundations need it. Like they watch every match because they want to witness it all before it inevitably ends.
Atsumu knows this. And so does Suna. +
Atsumu knows this. And so does Suna. +
“Fuck you, Suna. That’s low, even for ya,” Atsumu concludes once his head quiets down. Suna laughs on the other end.
“I’m just saying. I don’t want to be a burden to him, Atsumu.”
“Ya really don’t hold back, huh?”
The screen shifts and suddenly Suna is on his side, +
“I’m just saying. I don’t want to be a burden to him, Atsumu.”
“Ya really don’t hold back, huh?”
The screen shifts and suddenly Suna is on his side, +
having brought the phone to bed with him. “It’d be awesome to have Samu as my sugar daddy, but I’d just feel too guilty about it.”
“I don’t want to hear ya callin’ my twin yer sugar daddy ever again, Rintaro.”
“Sakusa can be your sugar daddy, too. He’s already rich.”
“NO.” +
“I don’t want to hear ya callin’ my twin yer sugar daddy ever again, Rintaro.”
“Sakusa can be your sugar daddy, too. He’s already rich.”
“NO.” +
It doesn’t make it any easier to see Samu and Sakusa sitting side by side on MSBY’s game against EJP, though. And it’s his first V. League game, too. Great.
“Have ya seen them already?” Suna sighs in response. “I need a drink to survive this.”
“Don’t fuckin die on me Rintaro.”+
“Have ya seen them already?” Suna sighs in response. “I need a drink to survive this.”
“Don’t fuckin die on me Rintaro.”+
They miraculously survive the game with MSBY winning 3-1, and Atsumu sees a text from Samu about dinner with all four of them.
Which is why Suna is walking out of EJP’s locker room with eyebrows furrowed and lips downturned, the most emotion he has shown in awhile. +
Which is why Suna is walking out of EJP’s locker room with eyebrows furrowed and lips downturned, the most emotion he has shown in awhile. +
He snarls and slaps Atsumu’s thighs. “Samu’s gone soft already. I know you can seduce Sakusa w/ your thighs but you won’t because you’re a wimp,” Suna hisses thru gritted teeth.
Atsumu’s retaliation is cut with a cough. When he turns, Samu & Sakusa are there, watching them. +
Atsumu’s retaliation is cut with a cough. When he turns, Samu & Sakusa are there, watching them. +
___
It should suffice to say that dinner is a tense and awkward affair.
Of course, the moment Sakusa gets his moment of enlightenment, life makes it harder for him. He thought the path to Atsumu is finally shifting from the abstract to something tangible, concrete. +
It should suffice to say that dinner is a tense and awkward affair.
Of course, the moment Sakusa gets his moment of enlightenment, life makes it harder for him. He thought the path to Atsumu is finally shifting from the abstract to something tangible, concrete. +
But that only made it harder to watch the path crumble before his eyes. At least before it was all theoretical. Now there’s physical proof that comes in the form of Atsumu and Suna clearly playing footsies under the table.
Samu drops an umeboshi onigiri in his plate. +
Samu drops an umeboshi onigiri in his plate. +
A silent pat in the back. A quiet assurance, a hand of empathy.
The game of footsies stops. Sakusa takes a bite of the onigiri, and an uncomfortable silence crowds the table.
Suna is the first to break the ice. “How’s your resto going, Samu?”
Atsumu cocks an eyebrow +
The game of footsies stops. Sakusa takes a bite of the onigiri, and an uncomfortable silence crowds the table.
Suna is the first to break the ice. “How’s your resto going, Samu?”
Atsumu cocks an eyebrow +
and Suna jabs him with his elbow. Sakusa squirms like he’s jabbed by Suna, too.
Unreachable, indeed.
Another onigiri falls in his plate. “It’s going well, actually. I’m trying to hire more people because we’re getting busy in uni.”
“It’s good ya can still go on dates, then.” +
Unreachable, indeed.
Another onigiri falls in his plate. “It’s going well, actually. I’m trying to hire more people because we’re getting busy in uni.”
“It’s good ya can still go on dates, then.” +
Sakusa frowns at Atsumu’s response, wondering if the sharpness to it is real or not. “Ah, well,” Samu’s voice wavers w/ hesitation, and Sakusa sees his gaze flicker towards Suna who’s suddenly busy with a chicken leg. “We make time.”
“That’s nice.”
The path crumbles even more.+
“That’s nice.”
The path crumbles even more.+
Atsumu starts with one soju, then two. Then a few more until he can barely sit up. Suna brings an arm around Atsumu and Atsumu clutches on Suna’s side like it’s his life support. “I’ll bring him back to MSBY. The team’s staying overnight anyway and you have to go back to Tokyo.”+
The sight stings. Red Flag No. 4. But Sakusa has never started anything without seeing it through.
“We can help you out, Suna—“
“Are ya finally goin to do something about it, Omi?” There’s a challenge in his eyes despite the drunkenness. Eyes still loud, still passionate. +
“We can help you out, Suna—“
“Are ya finally goin to do something about it, Omi?” There’s a challenge in his eyes despite the drunkenness. Eyes still loud, still passionate. +
Then he realizes that Atsumu knows. He can see through his bullshit, his emotions. He realizes that the path to Atsumu isn’t crumbling in on him.
But that doesn’t mean he’s strong enough to cross it.
Sakusa withdraws his outstretched hand and Atsumu laughs. “Thought so.”+
But that doesn’t mean he’s strong enough to cross it.
Sakusa withdraws his outstretched hand and Atsumu laughs. “Thought so.”+
——
As Atsumu goes back home, clinging onto Suna, he feels too empty, the what-ifs and insecurities clinging to his skin like the liquor in his veins.
And with liquor the abstract becomes more and more screwed, veering planes away from reality. +
As Atsumu goes back home, clinging onto Suna, he feels too empty, the what-ifs and insecurities clinging to his skin like the liquor in his veins.
And with liquor the abstract becomes more and more screwed, veering planes away from reality. +
He leans in, their lips a breathe away from touching. "Just pretend I'm Samu, Rintaro."
Samu, with the degree and the stable job. Maybe this way, this time, Atsumu will be chosen.
"What, and you're going to pretend I'm Sakusa? Should I sharpie in my moles & grow my hair out?" +
Samu, with the degree and the stable job. Maybe this way, this time, Atsumu will be chosen.
"What, and you're going to pretend I'm Sakusa? Should I sharpie in my moles & grow my hair out?" +
"Ya already got the slouch right, and the bendy weird thingy. You're in the right track."
Suna chuckles before pressing a soft, quick kiss on Atsumu's lips. "That's all you're getting from me, because you look really desperate right now it's just pathetic."+
Suna chuckles before pressing a soft, quick kiss on Atsumu's lips. "That's all you're getting from me, because you look really desperate right now it's just pathetic."+
He flicks Atsumu's forehead, willing him to realign his reality. "And if Sakusa thinks you're not worth it, fuck him. You deserve better. Forget him."
/Easier said than done/. Then a lazy, pained smile fades to view. "Ya kissed me cos you were thinkin' of Samu, weren't ya?" +
/Easier said than done/. Then a lazy, pained smile fades to view. "Ya kissed me cos you were thinkin' of Samu, weren't ya?" +
"I never said I'm strong."
"Hypocrite."
Suna goes home that night because even illusions shatter as the liquor evaporates, and his standing as a choice never lasts past midnight.
——
Sakusa operates in facts and numbers ensured by a diploma & a position in his family's company.+
"Hypocrite."
Suna goes home that night because even illusions shatter as the liquor evaporates, and his standing as a choice never lasts past midnight.
——
Sakusa operates in facts and numbers ensured by a diploma & a position in his family's company.+
He prides himself in this mindset. So why is majority of his life driven by the abstract?
He's in this degree for validation from his parents. He's taking up business to please them, appease them. He's haunted by volleyball because he loves it, longs for it. +
He's in this degree for validation from his parents. He's taking up business to please them, appease them. He's haunted by volleyball because he loves it, longs for it. +
There's Suna and Atsumu, chasing their dreams no matter how absurd it may seem, leaving him in equal parts fascination and envy.
Then there's Samu, moving the food in his plate in front of him after Sakusa asked him why he chose business. "I don't really care about that. +
Then there's Samu, moving the food in his plate in front of him after Sakusa asked him why he chose business. "I don't really care about that. +
"I care about the food. But I knew I had to learn about this, too, because what good are my cooking skills for if I can't even keep my restaurant afloat?"
Samu sighs, putting the fork down. "So I understand being logical. That's why I'm here. But it can't be all that there is."+
Samu sighs, putting the fork down. "So I understand being logical. That's why I'm here. But it can't be all that there is."+
"I think you mean well, Sakusa." Sakusa gulps. He's been Kiyoomi for a while now, and now they're back to square one. "But I think you won't move unless someone moves first, so lemme help you out."
That was the last date he had with Samu. +
That was the last date he had with Samu. +
——
Atsumu hears him before he sees him, deep bass ringing through the gym. When he turns towards the double doors, Sakusa is there.
He remembers news about a conglomerate's son who refused a position in their company, immediately followed by rumors in the pro volleyball scene. +
Atsumu hears him before he sees him, deep bass ringing through the gym. When he turns towards the double doors, Sakusa is there.
He remembers news about a conglomerate's son who refused a position in their company, immediately followed by rumors in the pro volleyball scene. +
Now the news has taken flesh, with dark, piercing eyes meeting Atsumu's and a steady flicker of intensity that was never there before.
Atsumu doesn't say a word, not even as Atsumu stood by the net, Sakusa beside him, waiting. +
Atsumu doesn't say a word, not even as Atsumu stood by the net, Sakusa beside him, waiting. +
"What're ya doin?"
Atsumu glances up and Sakusa's gaze almost swept him off of his feet. When he speaks, his voice is soft but firm, a certainty built through months of contemplation and learning. "I'm finally doing something about it. It took me a while but... I'm here." +
Atsumu glances up and Sakusa's gaze almost swept him off of his feet. When he speaks, his voice is soft but firm, a certainty built through months of contemplation and learning. "I'm finally doing something about it. It took me a while but... I'm here." +
Atsumu then scowls, raising the volleyball towards his face. "Ya stopped playing for three years and ya think you can just walk in and claim a spot at a V. League Division 1 team?"
The subliminal hits Sakusa in the gut as intended if the wince in his face is any indication. +
The subliminal hits Sakusa in the gut as intended if the wince in his face is any indication. +
"I'll work hard for it. I started it and I'm seeing it through."
Atsumu looks away. Sakusa's getting to him again; he can't let it happen. He's too fragile for that shit. "I'm not givin' ya any low sets. Figure out a way to score points with subpar tosses sent to ya."
"Okay." +
Atsumu looks away. Sakusa's getting to him again; he can't let it happen. He's too fragile for that shit. "I'm not givin' ya any low sets. Figure out a way to score points with subpar tosses sent to ya."
"Okay." +
"I don't want scrubs in my team."
"Okay."
Atsumu cocks an eyebrow, spinning the volleyball between his palms. "That's all you're going to say?"
"I'll accept any set you are willing to give me, Atsumu."
His heart traitorously skips a beat. "And if I give ya none?" +
"Okay."
Atsumu cocks an eyebrow, spinning the volleyball between his palms. "That's all you're going to say?"
"I'll accept any set you are willing to give me, Atsumu."
His heart traitorously skips a beat. "And if I give ya none?" +
"Then I respect your decision."
He stops the ball from spinning. It's getting harder to stare at Sakusa by the minute. "Why even bother playing for a setter who'd never get ya any tosses then?"
"I chose this team. I'll accept any decisions you have for me." +
He stops the ball from spinning. It's getting harder to stare at Sakusa by the minute. "Why even bother playing for a setter who'd never get ya any tosses then?"
"I chose this team. I'll accept any decisions you have for me." +
Atsumu tries not to fixate at the first sentence. And fails. Miserably.
Choice. It's nice being chosen.
He can't choose Sakusa right now. There's a lot they have to go through for Atsumu to get there.
But maybe. Maybe he never erased Sakusa from his choices. Not once. +
Choice. It's nice being chosen.
He can't choose Sakusa right now. There's a lot they have to go through for Atsumu to get there.
But maybe. Maybe he never erased Sakusa from his choices. Not once. +
"Match my tosses then because I'm sure not adjusting for ya."
When Atsumu sets the ball high, Sakusa jumps with the recoil of a man who has been standing idly on the ground, longing to move. Moves with eagerness at the face of a second chance after letting go of the first. +
When Atsumu sets the ball high, Sakusa jumps with the recoil of a man who has been standing idly on the ground, longing to move. Moves with eagerness at the face of a second chance after letting go of the first. +
As Sakusa's soles hit the ground, his eyes meet Atsumu's again, every movement and every stare filled with intention and meaning.
Sakusa doesn't ask for another toss, another spike. He waits.
Atsumu sighs and sets the ball once again, and Sakusa is there, waiting in the wings.
Sakusa doesn't ask for another toss, another spike. He waits.
Atsumu sighs and sets the ball once again, and Sakusa is there, waiting in the wings.
end // thank you so much for sticking around until the end even as i updated in weird time increments lol. also sorry if the end is kinda rushed idk what i was typing anymore and it has gotten so long HAHA so thank you for reading this word vomit wiee! 
