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~a thread with my feelings/emotions? idk~
It& #39;s always so sweet how people want to help me with my anxiety towards school and read my thesis but the thing is I& #39;m the only one that can help me but I just can& #39;t get myself to do it as I still don& #39;t know where to start and I keep on
It& #39;s always so sweet how people want to help me with my anxiety towards school and read my thesis but the thing is I& #39;m the only one that can help me but I just can& #39;t get myself to do it as I still don& #39;t know where to start and I keep on
forgetting to email my progress as well like it& #39;s just a stupid thing but I keep on putting it off and I think it has been three weeks already since I last talked to her... Like how do I keep on doing this it& #39;s not that I can& #39;t finish this fucking assignment and that I& #39;m stupid
because I& #39;m not but I just keep on panicking when I have to do something for school and every time when I want to be productive something sucks the life out of me and I lose all motivation to do anything. It& #39;s not that I& #39;m sad or whatever because I really am okay but I am just
stuck in a cycle and if I don& #39;t get back into work mode I& #39;m not going to be done for another year and my parents are already mad that I haven& #39;t finished yet and have been slacking off pretty badly. they don& #39;t want me to go on any longer as I& #39;ve been here for an extra year already
but it just sucks how I feel like a lost cause and how no one except me can really change anything. I ask for help at times but either I& #39;m too scared to get to work afterwards or I just completely forget what they told me and I just end up staring at my phone all day. I ofc work
around 15/20 hours a week as well which is a great distraction but it also just makes me so anxious with covid and how EVERYONE treats it like it& #39;s a joke and I& #39;m just very anxious and I hate how customers always act superior when I ask them if they can properly wear their mask
or if they can keep a distance.
Idk wtf my problem is, I can& #39;t even get small tasks done in my room like idk when the last time was that I vacuumed and when I think of doing it I get distracted with god knows what. There are always things I want to do to reward myself
Idk wtf my problem is, I can& #39;t even get small tasks done in my room like idk when the last time was that I vacuumed and when I think of doing it I get distracted with god knows what. There are always things I want to do to reward myself
if I complete a task but I never complete tasks so I basically don& #39;t deserve anything imo and idk why but that sucks and I am a very talkative person but I just can& #39;t talk about my problems that well and the people that want to help me just don& #39;t know what to do with me and
honestly me neither I have to go on and do interviews but I have to email my thesis progress and questions to the company I do my thesis for and I also need to write a message I want to send to my target group, but why is this so hard and why do I keep on putting it off? It& #39;s not
that hard of a task but for some reason I& #39;m so scared to disappoint people once again as I feel like I haven& #39;t done enough and am still not ready to even start interviewing people... I just feel like no one understands how I feel and when I try to explain it it just ends up with
people telling me to seek professional help, which of course could help but that& #39;s not the problem here, I honestly don& #39;t give a fuck what I look like now and am not that worried about myself but the problem is just with me having 0 motivation and all this built up anxiety
god my sleeping schedule doesn& #39;t help my situation either but I just can& #39;t go to bed before 1am (usually 3am) these days and some days I wake up early but like today I slept through my alarm and now I feel so guilty and stupid I could just cry I fucking hate it.
I also really really want to get into learning Korean, I know the vowels and consonants, but I haven& #39;t done anything else as that was one of the things I wanted to reward myself with?? Like it& #39;s something fun I want to do and learn and I don& #39;t feel like I deserve doing that atm
Lol idk where this is going and if anyone will read this, honestly idc but I just kinda wanted to let it out as I& #39;m just feeling like a lost cause that no one really knows how to help and it sucks because they also keep telling me that I am not dumb bc I couldn& #39;t have come this
far if I didn& #39;t have any braincells but I just can& #39;t focus and I just feel like I lost all hope because I just don& #39;t know what to do in my future. I don& #39;t want to work in an office but that& #39;s what my level of education usually leans towards but I also don& #39;t want to keep on
working in a store. Honestly I love working with my hands and doing stuff because I can& #39;t sit still but this is just not going to be paying my bills later and I feel so so anxious about everything. time is really slipping away and I feel like I am just slowly drowning myself
