Vent;;

Lmao god I'm kind of annoying with all this negativity lately- so I apologize
Genuinely though, i am very anxious to be venting out like this, but I felt like I had to? I don't wanna feel like I'm trying to get attention cause I'm always scared of it looking like that-

When in a way that's like the last thing I want? It's hard to explain, but I want to proove to myself it's okay for me to vent and normalize it for myself and bothering my friends is not something i want to do
And there is no other place I can really do it so ya'll stuck with me

C": but I had a rough time mentally as I've said before; I'm extremely moody, very emotionally imbalanced, a shit ton of flashbacks and intrusive thoughts, urges to just delete all my social media and just cut ties with everybody, and it's just been getting worse with now me

even wanting to quit art. Just the thought of talking to people gets my anxiety to spike up, but i want to talk to people even if it makes me feel terrified right now so i try to force through that fear but it takes a lot out of me... I'm paranoyed as all hell
But I've been

trying my best to fight it off, trying my best to fight all those urges 'cause I KNOW it's all temporary, but it's so draining.
Sometimes i feel like I'm one small step from giving up? But then all of a sudden I can switch to feeling like i'm invincible.
My feelings that are

haunted by my past and all these flashbacks and intrusive thoughts are at war with my present self's logic to put it simply
So i feel very lost
Conflicted
And confused
And because of that I suppose i can't shake the feeling of being all alone?
And it's my own problem, nobody can

really help me, and that is completely fine

I'll get through this eventually

I don't know how nor when, but if I continue fighting it
Hopefully I'll become more stable eventually?

I won't go into more detail about my issues but I felt like I needed to do this I guess?
4 myself

If at any point I have an urge to vent more I'll probably do it here in this thread, so for those who don't wanna read my vents I guess just try and void this thread lmao