I think I'm finally ready to not hide the fact that I'm indigenous

Don't get me wrong, I'm fucking terrified. But maybe my visibility will help someone else

Update: i changed my profile picture so everyone can /see/ me but I'm crying

Okay, i think i can do this visibility thing

But not without help. I might panic at every turn. What if the Yt PPL hurt me? Y'know?

Yesterday i was at a party. That triggered this. I need to be visible. I can't handle anything like what happened yesterday. The universe said FUCK NO

Now this is me trying to be visible in my own way. And i just need to know that people approve. I can't do this alone. I'm so so so scared. After YEARS of conditioning, wouldn't you be too??

I've been made to believe that I'd get killed on sight if anyone found out about my "dirty blood" and my biologicals did it out of survival, but they were still shitty. And i hope y'all don't blame them for how I turned out. Being traumatized by society is so difficult to over

come, and i know why they did it. But still I'm terrified they were right.

Like, look at me. I'm trans, queer, loud, brown, and do NOT pass any more. Never did I want to, but I knew why they wanted me to. So i happily obliged. But after ascending to Heaven, i realized I didn't want to keep living like that.

Now here i am 102 days sober (alcohol) and I'm thriving. Or at least I'm trying

But i feel so alone. They don't understand why i didn't want to stay on my family's land (even if we can't own it) because we have been so displaced and so lost for so long. They still call me to see if I'm alive. That's how scary it is to be indigenous.

I miss the land and my people. I need to go back but I can't i miss feeling At Home

Idk, no one probably cares.

I'm struggling to get through this, but I can't stop now.

Literally, if I stop, the Universe warned me. I'm up for the next hour just to update Twitter according to Them

Addition is a weird concept in and of itself. This thread is a physical manifestation of what it feels like to be addicted. I can't stop Tweeting because the Universe told me to. And now i can't stop out of Respect and my contract.

#INDIGENOUS #IndigenousPeoples #IndigenousThoughts

I'm trying so hard.

I hate hashtags but I'm merely a conduit for the Universe and I always have been.

As a child my biologicals helped me hide my power so the NTs and YT ppl didn't kill me

They did it out of love but it meant a lot of pain

What nonindigenous ppl don't know is that if I don't listen to the messages of the Universe, I would never get any where. And i would be in physical pain.

Even now, I'm having an out-of-body experience. And YT people will say it's because i need drugs, but mi gente sé dicen un cosa diferente.

I am born to be the strength that my ancestors could not explore

The Universe put me here to be a representative of our people and our pain. I can't give up regardless of how hard it is.

That said, let me update you on my life, since the Moon won't let me sleep tonight anyway

I have been in and out of doctors offices, which btw are not friendly to BIPOC.
And we are trying to figure out what is wrong with my body.

I've been in fear of being visible for so long that I have spent my life LYING to survive. And when I died, i promised to use my 2nd chance to exist in reality and not in drugs. Not in numbness. Not in hopelessness. I'm tired. I'm trying. And the Universe is here to support Us

I'm so scared

I wish i could be with my land and my people

I can't be home for a long time for many reasons.

Sorry if my tweets start sounding weird

I'm "disassociating" but more like the Universe is using my body and it feels warm and accepting

I'm trying

Stream demi lovatos new album

Idk how to do this. But the Universe assures me I'm on the right track

Didn't know i was allergic to ALL NIGHTSHADES so when I went to the hospital I realized that I have been poisoning myself for 20 long years. When I was a baby I had Fantastic tantrums about not eating potatoes and tomatoes

I remember telling my parents that Nightshades were poison to our people, i was 3

Eating nightshades causes hallucinations in Indigenous people, /sometimes/

Stress induced bowel issues has always been an issue with me but the Universe said that if I waited on the doctors, I would die.

Also, fuck apologizing for not knowing English when it isn't a language recognized by Our Gods

Oh also apparently I'm v Autistic
Found that out the hard way at NT parties, I'm AFAB so no doctor actually likes seeing me exist

Or at least that's how it feels in this oppressive "Country"

I'm so happy to be visible

And terrified

Any time the Moon is in Aries I can't sleep and feel the need to be confrontational. It was v difficult masking at a party yesterday.
#ActuallyAutistic #AutismAcceptanceMonth #AutismAwarenessMonth #AutismAcceptance

I realize that none of my tweets seem to follow a flow. But since I'm Autistic, I'm sensitive to the Universe's messages. And then it seems like I'm ranting when really I'm trying to make a point, so please be patient with me.

I'm saying all this to say, I'm a complex person, and there is nothing wrong with that. I just listen to the Universe to tell me what to do next.

If only people really understood what I went through to get /here/
I'd hope that if they knew, they woild love how outspoken and ND I am

All y'all thinking this is out-of-the-blue, I'm sorry IDK how to communicate my needs, but I am working on it. The Universe asked me to start using my voice

This is me healing

Might take this down if I get too self-conscious

The Universe would have something to say if I did that, but here we are.

The Universe warned me to keep this up at least until the Moon is out of Aries.

I'm thirsty, i need to pee, and I can't leave the bed until I finish this thread.
When will it be finished? Good question. Only the Universe knows

Turns out being Yellow color-blind affects sleep rhythmia

I knew I was color-nl8nd but the Universe told me to keep it secret until I was ready, the same for my spanish. The Universe told me to lie EVERY TIME someone asked. For my own safety, until I was ready, all those good reasons a caring parent would give you.

Great I miss spelled a word. That's going to bother me.

I got up to get my body in a comfortable state for tonight

My ex use to say the way I smoke is weird/annoying

I use weed and tobacco to channel but not really anything else at this point.

The Universe is trying to get my body to be healthy enough before we go back to work

Oh btw the Universe said wear silk on an Aries moon good luck

Oh and I like wearing brand new socks when I know the Universe is going to keep me up for a message. Good thing I slept 4 hours before this

Not only that but I'm super sensitive sisnxe I'm Autistic. What the Colonizers don't like is that Autistic people are more sensitive to the messages the Universe has to offer. Often ND people are treated like "other" but the Universe told me that's because Colonizers didn't

Entendiendo un gente diferente de los otros

How do i keep going?

Okay the answer was light an incense and take a hit off my dab pen.

Also, have other Autistic priestseses get physical pain when the Universe needs to grab your immediate attention?

And yes to answer all the unasked questions, I'm mentally ill. But that doesn't mean I'm not utilizing Colonizer tools to try to get healthier. I'm never going to say there is anything Wrong with my because the Universe loves all their creations and it's not our fault you can't

see through that. (Me being defensive before anyone hurts my feelings)

How long is the moon in Aries??? Asking for a friend

According to the Moon i have to keep this up until the 26th of April (can you see the child like whining that the Universe has to put up with?)

The Universe said that I have to keep the thread up until the Luner Eclipse.

I'm still deciding who I'm going to listen to

Oh back on the topic of color-blindness. Turns out since I can't see the Sun (which my eyes were never meant to be able to perceive God) I'm Yellow color-blind

I'm a little nauseated. I've been practicing chanelling everyday since I died and came back.

I'm listening to good music that puts my mind at easy so i can better feel the Universe

I'm so happy i lived past December

I didn't put any TW or CW for a reason. I'm sorry if I hurt anyone. I just need to be seen. The Universe told me that my visibility is going to be important to the movement. And yes all of this is going to look "crazy" in a few years, to NT people. But in my world, the Earth that

the Colonizers stole, will be realized with the help of Conduits

I'm so tired. This is the longest I've "publicly" channeled. It's a lot of energy.

This is draining but i love having my 2nd chance.

The complexities with addiction and being indigenous is that we drink and smoke to numb ourselves from the Displacement Death and Destruction. I'm trying so hard to be sober.

Oh btw, please help me celebrate being California sober for 3 months

I haven't had a drop of liquor in MONTHS. It's not easy. But that's okay. I'm excited.
Also, I'm definitely taking this down after the Lunar Eclipse. Safety and all.

The Universe forgives us for the things we do out of Survival. But please be mindful of your journey to healing. If we keep letting the Colonizers numb and kill us, the Earth will be without it's people and Conduits.

Is this the part in the thread where I put more hashtags so I'm annoyingly visible?
/s

I'm still not fully ready to be visible but the Universe is asking me to be authentic and present, and my life will prosper, I cannot ignore that promise. I will be anything the Universe needs me for until I can love and live for myself.

Addiction can be v hard to talk about. Especially since Indigenous people, we often just ignore the problem, because we have no other choice.

Not related, but I have medical bills so anything helps
$cadenceofthesea

Now about addiction, the thing is... we have to numb ourselves or face the reality that we have no history, land, or people. We are terrified of losing our Gente porque it has been a long and painful road of not knowing what will happen next

That's a very complex idea for me to explain so let me just tell a story. I like stories, they hold more power.

When my brother came home after smoking weed for the 1st time, he nearly died because his "friends" lined his shit with coke. And we didn't take him to the hospital. Or else he would have been killed in the hospital. That's how scared we are to get "help."

I helped him through an OD, a bad trip, and a few other things I rather not share. But i never trusted a doctor to give the same care I and my family could. We never did. And we tell each other not to go to doctors or they will kill you, to make money.

I remember when it was an emergency and I threw a tantrum to go to the hospital because I had an earring stuck inside my body and needed IT OUT

But my father said we couldn't go until he was sober and we couldn't call an ambulance because we didn't trust putting one of our people in one of those contraptions. Once an indigenous body goes inside one of those trucks with lights, they never come back.

The reason I can't drink any more is because it makes me numb to the Universe and when I cut off my connection, it puts me in physical pain, which doctors can't seem to figure out. They say "its funny" that these things happen to me.
Not because they are apathetic, they just

don't have the science to explain what's happening. I'm 30 pounds under weight.

The Universe says it's because I'm detoxing but this is the hardest detox I've ever gone through. I've been drinking since I was nine. And popping pills since I was 11.

Oh how about that time I relied on steroids to get me through the day! An inhaler is so easy to get your hands on. But The People of The Land, have to find these loopholes to drugs because pharmaceuticals are so much easier to swindle. And pass around. And numb yourself from

everything done to your body, land, y gente.

I'm also an artist so if anyone ever feels like donating supplies I'm always conducting when I make Art.

Lowkey glad everyone is asleep i couldn't handle any type of attention rn. I'm a shy bean on the inside. I just connect with the Universe so I'm usually not vibing with NTs or YT ppl

Back on topic, addition is hard y'all and being Indigenous is complicated. My "blood" is from across Central America and we were displaced to Northern Mexico until we made a place for ourselves. And even then. We are oppressed on our own land. They took the land from us without

consent, what don't Yt ppl not understand??

We are so scared to exist in America the we rather hide in plain sight and die in the comforts of our own home.

I've lost count of how many times since deciding I'm going to be sober that I've said, "if it gets really bad please please promise me not to take me to the hospital. Just make me as comfortable as possible to die in my own bed." Usually in tears.

My chosen family is a blessing from above that I couldn't even begin to be grateful for. So instead i will live authentically and visibly

I'm trying to not hide the pain I feel from myself, mi gente, or my society. We are all part of this world. Even if just in a small amount.

That being said, @ all my followers, i attempted to take my life in December. But i live every day since then, being strong for my chosen family and y'all. I'm tired of hiding and i hope we can all achieve a more ideal future together. I can't say I'm sorry because I was in a bad

place, and my addiction to pain has complicated my life. I regret any pain I caused but I'm unashamed that I needed help and it felt like no one was listening. And it still feels that way. I feel like I'm screaming the issues of the world and how to help, but no one is listening.

Thanks for reading any or all of these
Good night (also wear clean socks for the next moon phase change in a week)
(End thread)