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Hawks was a liar.
He was completely and utterly aware of that fact. He lied to his coworkers, he lied to the press, he lied to the League, he lied to himself.
The HPSC raised him to lie, so lie he did.
He never really had a reason to mind how dishonest he was.
Hawks was a liar.
He was completely and utterly aware of that fact. He lied to his coworkers, he lied to the press, he lied to the League, he lied to himself.
The HPSC raised him to lie, so lie he did.
He never really had a reason to mind how dishonest he was.
Hawks had never had the firmest grasp on his emotions. He started floating through them at some point when he was little to disconnect from the household he grew up in, and just... never really stopped. He could read other people just fine, he /excelled/ at it. He just didn't
know how to identify what he felt, much less express it.
So he lied. His laughs were fake, his smiles were fake, his frowns were fake, everything about him was fake.
Hawks was fake.
Dabi was the opposite of that, somehow.
Oh, sure, Dabi lied as well, but he was at least
So he lied. His laughs were fake, his smiles were fake, his frowns were fake, everything about him was fake.
Hawks was fake.
Dabi was the opposite of that, somehow.
Oh, sure, Dabi lied as well, but he was at least
upfront about it. Nobody knew who he was or where he came from, and he relished in it. He wasn't afraid to let people know about his scathingly low thoughts of them, he wasn't afraid to pick a fight, he wasn't afraid to just /be./
Dabi expressed himself, and Hawks wondered.
Dabi expressed himself, and Hawks wondered.
He wondered what it was like to be able to express and /feel/ so openly. If someone asked how Hawks was doing, the answer would definitely be a bullshitted lie.
Ask Dabi the same question, and he'd say, "Like fucking shit. Move before I make this floor dirtier with your ashes."
Ask Dabi the same question, and he'd say, "Like fucking shit. Move before I make this floor dirtier with your ashes."
That was the difference between them, Hawks supposed.
When Dabi began expressing an interest in Hawks, Hawks did what he did best. He lied. He feigned interest back, he flirted, he moved too close, he spent more time with Dabi than needed.
All for the sake of the mission.
When Dabi began expressing an interest in Hawks, Hawks did what he did best. He lied. He feigned interest back, he flirted, he moved too close, he spent more time with Dabi than needed.
All for the sake of the mission.
When Hawks started sleeping with Dabi, he was perfectly aware their relationship was built on lies, as was every other interpersonal connection he had.
After that first night together, something changed. Not for Dabi, he was the same asshole as always, but for Hawks.
After that first night together, something changed. Not for Dabi, he was the same asshole as always, but for Hawks.
Hawks remembered being so completely overwhelmed with new and overpowering and /mindblowing/ sensations that he hadn't had the mental capacity to lie.
He couldn't have. He did little more than gasp and whine Dabi's name while holding onto the man for dear life.
He couldn't have. He did little more than gasp and whine Dabi's name while holding onto the man for dear life.
It was the first time Hawks could remember not being fake. He wasn't sure it was /honest/ - that would imply he knew what the truth was, and he sure as fuck didn't know who he was underneath his thousands of webs of lies anymore.
But it wasn't fake, and that /scared/ him.
But it wasn't fake, and that /scared/ him.
He probably should've cut it off as a one-night stand. But he didn't.
He kept going back to Dabi, whether to fall into his bed or spend time with him, even when he knew the other was the least likely person to give him any information.
It wasn't about the mission anymore.
He kept going back to Dabi, whether to fall into his bed or spend time with him, even when he knew the other was the least likely person to give him any information.
It wasn't about the mission anymore.
But if it wasn't about the mission, then what?
For the first time, Hawks would curse his inability to express himself properly. He didn't know what the fuck he was feeling, and it wouldn't just sit quietly in the back of his mind, and it was becoming harder and harder to lie.
For the first time, Hawks would curse his inability to express himself properly. He didn't know what the fuck he was feeling, and it wouldn't just sit quietly in the back of his mind, and it was becoming harder and harder to lie.
Hawks would almost call himself honest when he was with Dabi, talking to him about nothing and everything when they were entangled in a tired heap on Dabi's bed once again.
He'd find himself speaking actual opinions instead of scripts and PR lines, he didn't wait for cues
He'd find himself speaking actual opinions instead of scripts and PR lines, he didn't wait for cues
in Dabi's speech to smile and laugh, he found himself getting red in the face with.... /something/ during heated debates with the arsonist.
Hawks' lies were falling apart, and Dabi seemed to be doing it all with an effortlessly smug smirk and Hawks /hated/ it.
Hawks' lies were falling apart, and Dabi seemed to be doing it all with an effortlessly smug smirk and Hawks /hated/ it.
That realization was probably what broke everything. He was frustrated, annoyed, amused, happy-
He was genuine.
Hawks was fake.
So who was he?
Sometimes he would mull that question over as hot hands carded through his feathers and a gravelly voice teased him for his frown.
He was genuine.
Hawks was fake.
So who was he?
Sometimes he would mull that question over as hot hands carded through his feathers and a gravelly voice teased him for his frown.
One night, they were in bed together again, and in the heat of the moment, Dabi kissed him.
Hawks' mind felt fuzzy and his chest felt warm and his heart started beating too fast and everything /clicked./
Dabi didn't act as if anything different happened when they were lying
Hawks' mind felt fuzzy and his chest felt warm and his heart started beating too fast and everything /clicked./
Dabi didn't act as if anything different happened when they were lying
there in a post-coital glow. Hawks' mind felt numb as it slowly turned over his new revelation, going over it again and again. He had patrol in the morning, so it was only through trained force of habit and unwillingness to call in that had him shuffling out of Dabi's bed and
picking his clothes off the floor.
Dabi was silent behind him as he dressed himself. It was only once Hawks sat on the edge of the bed to wiggle on his socks and boots that Dabi said anything.
"Leaving so soon?"
It was rhetorical. They both knew Hawks had to go.
"Yeah."
Dabi was silent behind him as he dressed himself. It was only once Hawks sat on the edge of the bed to wiggle on his socks and boots that Dabi said anything.
"Leaving so soon?"
It was rhetorical. They both knew Hawks had to go.
"Yeah."
"Mm." Dabi's head leaned back onto his pillow and he began reaching blindly at the bedside table for his cigarettes, which Hawks leaned over and pressed into his hand obligingly. "Safe flight, or what-the-fuck-ever."
Hawks snorted and rolled his eyes. "Thanks. The thought is
Hawks snorted and rolled his eyes. "Thanks. The thought is
appreciated," he snarked back.
"Fuck off, Hawks."
"Keigo."
And he had no idea what impulsive nonsense had driven him to say /that./ They both stared at each other in surprise, Hawks with a boot halfway on and Dabi with a cigarette almost up to his mouth. Hawks swallowed.
"Fuck off, Hawks."
"Keigo."
And he had no idea what impulsive nonsense had driven him to say /that./ They both stared at each other in surprise, Hawks with a boot halfway on and Dabi with a cigarette almost up to his mouth. Hawks swallowed.
No going back from that, he supposed.
"You can call me Keigo," he clarified in a soft murmur, redirecting his eyes to continue shoving his boots back on. He wasn't really expecting a response until-
"Call me Touya, then."
Oh. Okay.
So they really were doing this.
"You can call me Keigo," he clarified in a soft murmur, redirecting his eyes to continue shoving his boots back on. He wasn't really expecting a response until-
"Call me Touya, then."
Oh. Okay.
So they really were doing this.
Hawks- /Keigo/ gave Touya (/Touya/) a surprised look before he felt his face shift into a small smile.
"Okay," Keigo said, leaning over and kissing Touya before standing up. "Touya, then. I'll see you later." And he received a nonchalant wave from Touya as he left.
"Okay," Keigo said, leaning over and kissing Touya before standing up. "Touya, then. I'll see you later." And he received a nonchalant wave from Touya as he left.
Keigo would never be able to tell Touya he loved him. There was no happy ending in their story, so he might as well try and make the pain hurt just a little less.
At least he didn't have to be Hawks (he didn't have to be /fake/).
He could just be Keigo with Touya.
At least he didn't have to be Hawks (he didn't have to be /fake/).
He could just be Keigo with Touya.
Instead of hundreds of lies, there was only one. It was more an omission than anything else.
A little white lie.
He lied to everyone. His coworkers, the press, the League.
Hawks lied to Touya and to himself.
Lying is what he did best, so why did his heart hurt?
A little white lie.
He lied to everyone. His coworkers, the press, the League.
Hawks lied to Touya and to himself.
Lying is what he did best, so why did his heart hurt?
