getting so fucking sick of people on this app making fun of intrusive thoughts and OCD as if living with this disorder isn't a literal waking nightmare

I'm convinced that I manifested my grandfathers death ^ my best friend almost dying from covid. People can read my mind, the world hates me, my family will die if I don't make it upstairs at a specific time, etc. living like this is hell. the weight of the world only gets heavier

&**.
every single day i wake up thinking I've killed people if I have a nightmare about them dying. I'm sitting here right now thinking about my dad working nightshift driving home in the snow. Imagine where my mine is going. Imagine what happens if hes late home. This is hell

if you don't have ocd shut the fuck up about intrusive thoughts you have no fucking idea what it is like to live like this. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, and I am a selfish person who would like to see my enemies suffer. But even this is too much. end of thread. gn