feeling a lot of feelings today about eating disorders. going to do a little thread about (some of) my experiences w medical professionals/mental health professionals and my eating disorder. trigger warning obviously.

when i stayed on paeds they tracked my food intake based on what entered and exited my room (so i simply threw out or flushed my meals as i wasn’t supervised while i ate). no one knew what i ate, they trusted me when i said i finished my plate (silly).

i was so weak i had to use a wheelchair to get down the hallway but the nurses let me exercise in my room at night because i was a cheerleader and a dancer. the psychologist told me it was good that i was trying to be healthy and making the best of my time.

when i stayed at the provincial child psychiatric unit i was able to choose my own meals, for a time. i would only order plain cabbage for dinner and they would mark me as eating a full meal if i finished it.

eventually i was put on a meal plan of some kind. i would cut my food into tiny pieces, mash it with my fork, rub sauce in my hair, hide food up my sleeves, carefully spit it into a napkin or a cup, anything to not eat. if i had to eat, i’d puke after.

my eating was never addressed during my six week stay. during my discharge meeting with my parents the psychiatrist on the unit said he thought i might have bulimia and that it should be monitored. no one had ever even asked me about it.