Yes. I could have stayed a woman. There's even a chance I wouldn't have killed myself, and lived to a ripe old age as a woman. Hell, I could have acknowledged that I was trans and queer but denied myself the right to live that life. But. LET ME TELL YOU A STORY. 1/

To my knowledge, I was the first out queer person in my family, on either side. There are several younger queer cousins who have come out in my generation. But going back several generations, I can identify queers among the leaves. 2/

I can identify them because they all became priests and nuns. That's what we did. We're Catholic. You don't want to marry someone of the opposite sex? No problem, marry the Church. 3/

There are two exceptions to this: two of my dad's aunts. They aren't out, but, and not to stereotype here, one was once, by the family lore, the highest ranking woman in the Navy, the gayest branch of the military. The other was a gym teacher. I mean, come on. 3/

These women never married, never dated. They were open about their disinterest in men. They both stayed in their mother's house and live there to this day. 4/

I've seen them once since my transition. I've never felt that kind of hate from my own blood in my life. They wouldn't speak to me, wouldn't look at me. But honestly, I can't blame them. 5/

If I were queer (and shit, maybe one or both of them would be trans in another generation) and I had denied myself that community, that happiness, that fulfillment for a lifetime because of my beliefs or whatever, I would probably hate anyone who did the opposite. 6/

So yeah, I could have stayed a woman. I could have become a nun or married some beard or just stayed single and alone for life. That was always an option. No one forced me to live this way. 7/

But I've seen what that does to a person, the way that life plays out. It looks painful as fuck. I chose community and fulfillment and joy instead. 8/

Queer and trans people have always been here. And some, many, have been forced into cisheteronormative lives. And maybe they lived to old age, died of natural causes. But to what end? What is the point of living that way? To please others at the expense of your own joy? 9/

That's what people discussing "the trans question" want. They don't understand that we will be here, whether we live that openly or not. They want us to go back to being hidden in the leaves of the family trees. 10/

Humans have always been remarkably good at living in denial to fit into societal norms. But these days, more of us are choosing the opposite. And some people simply cannot cope with that, for whatever reason. 11/

So fuck your hand-wringing about "the trans question". I choose joy. fin/