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(Asalatu - Alfa connects mic)
Alfa Agba: (clears throat) As you all know, Alfa Ramoni has been in Pakistan since 2009. This year, we want to donate to bring him home.
Alfa Nuru: (takes mic) I will donate N5,000!
Alfa: Attakbir!
Everyone: (shouts) Allahu Akbar!
Alfa Agba: (clears throat) As you all know, Alfa Ramoni has been in Pakistan since 2009. This year, we want to donate to bring him home.
Alfa Nuru: (takes mic) I will donate N5,000!
Alfa: Attakbir!
Everyone: (shouts) Allahu Akbar!
Alhaja Purewater: I will donate N10,000 and cook rice for his welcome party!
Alfa Kazeem: And I will bring drinks and canopy!
Alfa: Attakbir!!
Me: Allahu Akbar!!!
Alfa Kazeem: And I will bring drinks and canopy!
Alfa: Attakbir!!
Me: Allahu Akbar!!!
Chairman: I will donate 1 Million!
Everybody: Allahu Akbar!
Me: (crawls to the mic) Ebami gbolorun tobi! (Help me to carry God big!)
Everyone: Allahu Akbar!!
Me: I'm owing Kwarapoly school fees of 6 years
I don't know maybe I can see from the one Million.
Everybody: Allahu Akbar!
Me: (crawls to the mic) Ebami gbolorun tobi! (Help me to carry God big!)
Everyone: Allahu Akbar!!
Me: I'm owing Kwarapoly school fees of 6 years
I don't know maybe I can see from the one Million.
Alfa: This is about Alfa Ramoni.
Me:
Alfa:
Me: Do you know I measured my leg with broom and gave Alfa Ramoni when he was travelling?
Alfa: For what?
Me: To buy shoe for me. But he sent me white burial shoe that is not my size. And it's for man.
Alfa:
Me:
Alfa:
Me: Do you know I measured my leg with broom and gave Alfa Ramoni when he was travelling?
Alfa: For what?
Me: To buy shoe for me. But he sent me white burial shoe that is not my size. And it's for man.
Alfa:
Me: And he sent me world war uniform too. They wrote Shevchenko at the back.
*turns back to show them*
Me: If this is how Alfa Lukmon saw me dressing, will he be toasting me?
Alfa Lukmon: Subuhano Robika...
Me: which subuhano?
*turns back to show them*
Me: If this is how Alfa Lukmon saw me dressing, will he be toasting me?
Alfa Lukmon: Subuhano Robika...
Me: which subuhano?
(A cultist enters the mosque)
Cultist: Who painted 'Al-Nuru Moshalashi Olohun' on my okada?
Me: *crawls away*
Alfa: HAUWA!
Me: I am using it for ilekewu schoolbus.
Cultist: Who just spoke?!
Me: *whispers into the mic* Alhaja Purewater
Alhaja Purewater:
Cultist: Who painted 'Al-Nuru Moshalashi Olohun' on my okada?
Me: *crawls away*
Alfa: HAUWA!
Me: I am using it for ilekewu schoolbus.
Cultist: Who just spoke?!
Me: *whispers into the mic* Alhaja Purewater
Alhaja Purewater:
(Cultist takes our offering bowl and leaves.)
Alfa: They have carried our donation.
Me: That means Alfa Ramoni will die in Pakistan.
*Silence*
Me: *shouts into mic* HELP ME TO CARRY GOD BIG!
Alhaja Purewater: *snatches mic* shut up!
Me:
Alfa: They have carried our donation.
Me: That means Alfa Ramoni will die in Pakistan.
*Silence*
Me: *shouts into mic* HELP ME TO CARRY GOD BIG!
Alhaja Purewater: *snatches mic* shut up!
Me:
*I still stretch my neck to speak into the mic*
Me: Will Alhaja PureWater still cook welcome back rice for us like this?
Me: Will Alhaja PureWater still cook welcome back rice for us like this?
(Mosque disperses and I go out)
Everyone: *wears their slippers*
Me: WHO CARRY MY BURIAL SHOE?!
Everyone: *wears their slippers*
Me: WHO CARRY MY BURIAL SHOE?!
Alfa: *quickens step*
Me: *runs after him and raises his Jalamia to look under*
Alfa: Do you now want to see my nakedness?
Me: ...
Alfa: ...
Me: Alfa.... Wh... Where are you wearing fishnet stockings to?
Me: *runs after him and raises his Jalamia to look under*
Alfa: Do you now want to see my nakedness?
Me: ...
Alfa: ...
Me: Alfa.... Wh... Where are you wearing fishnet stockings to?
