THREAD: Funny thing. I was diagnosed as #ActuallyAutistic when I was 27. I am now 39. Despite becoming "comfortable " with it and talking about it, it's only recently I have started evaluating my life in the frame of now having a diagnosis. 1/

When I was little I used to go to summer club which was held in a church hall. It was great because I could quietly just work on making things and no-one forced you to be part of a group much. When we had to do communal activities though I would hate it and often hide. 2/

When I was at this club I won a mug. Think it was possibly the first thing I ever won and I was incredibly proud of it. It had a pink dragon on it and the phrase "My days never dragon" written on it. That it took me years to get the joke should probably have been a red flag. 3/

Many years later my stepmother inadvertently broke the mug. These things happen and as much as I cannot stand her I can't really hold that against her. I had what I now know was a meltdown though, at the time it was viewed as a tantrum. 4/

Both my dad and stepmother hit the roof at me. I was "soft", "immature", a few less savoury terms, and took a bit of a physical shaking, to put it mildly. By the time I'd "pulled myself together" I felt drained, exhausted and thought I must be as pathetic as I had been told. 5/

That one incident sticks with me. What little confidence I had in myself was shot to pieces for a very long time afterwards. I mean, what kind of boy doesn't just cry, but goes into full shaking etc over a broken mug, a broken mug with a pink dinosaur on it at that. 6/

Having started speaking to a lot of late diagnosis autistic individuals recently I have found that many have similar stories. Things which seem minor, but which cause long term, I guess damage. You start re-evaluating your life in a new light. You have a new framework for it. 7/

All those times when I was made to feel worthless, weird, a freak, broken etc, actually are starting to make sense and it's only just now at 39 I can start to say that I am none of those things. I'm autistic. That's it. My brain works differently, that's all. 8/

Imagine if we diagnosed children earlier. Imagine if we stopped trying to pigeonhole them and creating things like "behaviour hub" to tell them they have to act a certain way. Imagine if we accepted self diagnosis as a valid method. Imagine how much pain could be prevented. 9/

Autistic children grow into autistic adults and autistic adults were autistic children. As a society we need to get so much better at recognising the signs and providing support rather than leaving people to think they are worthless. It would save so many lives. 10/