Hey everyone I’m a dual citizen and I was summoned to work the P*ruvian G*neral El*ction. It’s their version of jury duty I guess my mom was super unhelpful about it. Anyway I got the email and here I am. I’ve decided to live tweet the experience.

Day started at 7am but I got here late because of who I am and because my mom said if I got here early they’d make me do more things. They were peeved and were totally talking shit in Spanish but that’s probably my fault because I told them I only spoke English which was a lie.

Anyway here I am at table 16. I was made “Third Member” which has total offstage swing vibes & I’m thrilled. My two coworkers are young Peruvian girls who are also v befuddled by the experience. “I feel like the whole government is in my hands and I don’t know anything” says one.

They gave us a free breakfast which was nice. They tried to promote me to secretary and I said 3rd member really feels like where I’d shine. We’re extremely unprepared & a woman came to our table screaming that a voter was outside and we had to be ready in 10 minutes. Cue panic.

Okay we set up and are awaiting our sexy voters arrival. They made us count 300 ballots each by hand which seemed more like a power flex than anything. My job is to put a sticker on their ID after they vote. I suggested my table do a dress rehearsal and they were into it.

I played “voter” and felt really good about it.

Okay I lost the stickers

Found them. What a rush. We have to vote first before we can open up our table. I googled the candidates and one is under investigation for murder :/

I’m voting for Veronica Mendóza cause she’s leader of the democratic socialist movement in Peru. Cmon Berna Sanderas!!

Tried to radicalize my table. Didnt go super well. Anyway we just did our first voter and fucking crushed it.

Had our first rush—we have last names U-V and there’s a lot of those it seems. A woman came over to me and was like “please remind people to social distance” and I’m like um you remind people lady clearly I’m slammed with sticker application

We’re all gagging cause eventually our families will be here. I’m trying to decide if either of my coworkers are worthy of my weird brother. I’m into our table President, Kelly. She was reticent at first but has really shined as the role. “Excuse me sir you need to wait” etc etc.

Update: Kelly’s married. Moving on to table secretary Rachel. She’s been on her shit since the get. We’re all telling our origin stories of being selected for Peruvian Jury Duty. Apparently there was an orientation...totally missed that.

First fuckable voter has arrived. His name is Jose too which is hard for me as an also fuckable Jose.

A word from my weird (very Christian) brother

Guy just came to vote and said he was supposed to be at our table as secretary but got out of it cause he had “””school”””

If only I knew it was that easy. Anyway I’m glad we have Rachel if not for my brother then for this tables immense feminine energy

Being a sticker applier is taxing to say the least. They stick to my gloves, I forget if I’ve put one on already...the list goes on. We’re getting a lot of backlash that the voting center has moved from Queens to Brooklyn. “Please folks,” I beg, “I’m just a sticker applier.”

Kelly just took a phone call while we were working. Absolute queen shit. While some would turn up their noses at such unprofessionalism we do things a little bit differently at Table 16. Trying to see if the vibe is right to suggest music but I may be flying too close to the sun.

Little kid came with his dad to vote and was an absolute vibe killer. Weirdly rubbed his face on all the ballot boxes like a cat...opened an umbrella inside...grabbed his dads ID before I could bless it with a sticker. Chaotic energy off the charts

Rachel’s sister came through and was spilling TEA about some bitch who tried to cut her in line. The culprit tried to pretend she was with two women in front of her and those women turned around and said “no she isn’t.” ¡¡MENTIROSA!! She got sent to the back of line....justicia

FYI Peru has compulsory voting, which means it’s mandatory! No shows are punishable by fine. B/c of this, election turnout is far higher than in countries like the US for example. ~80% of eligible voters vote in a Peruvian Presidential Election vs. ~50% here in the states

Hahaha I am going to die here

Sorry y’all my phone was about to die and I needed it to get home. I have just now left because it turns out Peru never loved me and wanted me to count over 100 ballots by hand and log the results in writing 15 times each. There is no God and everything is busy work.

I have been sucked dry and the joy of this thread/fulfilling my civic duty is fully eradicated. 13 hours later and all I have to show for it is 120 soles or ~$30. And yes I am a giant baby please make me feel better.

Also my brother absolutely blew it with Rachel.