Very frustrated to read about *help being out there* when the reality for most people is completely the opposite. That's what makes Nikki Grahame's death so horrible. She was fundraising. For help. Because when you're an adult, and ill 'too many times,' that 'help' gets cut off.

My GP literally told me that - in the current circs - I'd need a BMI of 13 or under to qualify for treatment. He said, unfortunately, by the time most people 'get help,' they're dying, with health complications that will severely impact the rest of their lives.

Being thin didn't kill Nikki Grahame. Complications fro anorexia - i.e. the shit that happens to your body after YEARS of eating too little - killed her. This isn't Ru Paul's Lowest Weight Race. This is a long, slow battle of attrition against every single organ in your body.

And yes, helplines exist. But the lines are for crises / moments of blind panic - not sustained recovery. They give you information that most people with EDs already know, with extremely basic advice. They're for loved ones at a loss. They're not really for chronic ED sufferers.

The best thing that can come from Nikki Grahame's death is that more people understand the REALITY of how anorexia manifests in adults, and a re-evaluation of access to ED treatment. This is a crisis. People are dying. Not of being to 'skinny,' but the LONG TERM effects.

The very idea of 'ill enough' to earn recovery feeds the myth of #Anorexia. After all, the best anorexic is a dead one.

Gonna go have a little cry now, peace out x