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You know, I suppose I knew that this would be true, but I& #39;m still surprised by just how untethered I feel to have left my job.
There was a comfort in knowing that someone else was telling a story: that there was something coming next, and that I had a part in it. Always.
There was a comfort in knowing that someone else was telling a story: that there was something coming next, and that I had a part in it. Always.
Work, of course, is far from the only place to find a story. And I didn& #39;t really love the one we were telling, or my part in it.
And, for the big things, I& #39;d like to finally chart my own path
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🌻" title="Sonnenblume" aria-label="Emoji: Sonnenblume">
But the clear tomorrows, with a place made just for me… that& #39;s what I miss mosthttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">
And, for the big things, I& #39;d like to finally chart my own path
But the clear tomorrows, with a place made just for me… that& #39;s what I miss most
And you know… I& #39;ve been putting off charting that big path for myself. Because it& #39;s always a bit too much for today.
But that& #39;s what& #39;s keeping me here, floating in the middle space. A familiar guest in a story or two.
But that& #39;s what& #39;s keeping me here, floating in the middle space. A familiar guest in a story or two.
It& #39;s good to take time to just, "be", right? And not to "do"? …but isn& #39;t there a trick to that, too?
Don& #39;t you need a home to be in?
Don& #39;t you sometimes need a few?
Don& #39;t you need it to be warm?
Don& #39;t you sometimes need the gentle comfort of a story told around you?
Don& #39;t you need a home to be in?
Don& #39;t you sometimes need a few?
Don& #39;t you need it to be warm?
Don& #39;t you sometimes need the gentle comfort of a story told around you?
I& #39;m not sure how much good it does me to "be" right now
And, well, maybe the trick is that this isn& #39;t. Maybe I& #39;m learning new things every day, in my effort to restabilize. Being on my own is the stretch, is the work.
So where *would* rest be? What is the work to walk to there?
And, well, maybe the trick is that this isn& #39;t. Maybe I& #39;m learning new things every day, in my effort to restabilize. Being on my own is the stretch, is the work.
So where *would* rest be? What is the work to walk to there?
I guess I& #39;ve finally been here long enough to say this is not my home.
That yes, I need rest—but this place is not that, and cannot ever be.
I& #39;m glad I ducked into the caves. But it& #39;s time to draw a map forward. Not because I& #39;m ready to go, but because it& #39;s even worse to stay.
That yes, I need rest—but this place is not that, and cannot ever be.
I& #39;m glad I ducked into the caves. But it& #39;s time to draw a map forward. Not because I& #39;m ready to go, but because it& #39;s even worse to stay.
I hope I find the real home soon https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💜" title="Violettes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Violettes Herz">
because god, I need the rest
and I just don& #39;t think it exists for me yet
and so the fastest way there—the way to lay my head down as soon as possible—is to just keep pushing
but this time in what I desperately hope might be the right directionhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💜" title="Violettes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Violettes Herz">
and if it& #39;s not, we go again.
and I just don& #39;t think it exists for me yet
and so the fastest way there—the way to lay my head down as soon as possible—is to just keep pushing
but this time in what I desperately hope might be the right direction
and if it& #39;s not, we go again.
…or maybe I& #39;m just overthinking what it takes to "be".
Maybe it means a certain willingness to lose control for a while, and let the world destabilize—and trust that the energy regained is more than what it costs.
I dunno. Hard to say. I wish it wasn& #39;t all so hard to sayhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😖" title="Verblüfftes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Verblüfftes Gesicht">
Maybe it means a certain willingness to lose control for a while, and let the world destabilize—and trust that the energy regained is more than what it costs.
I dunno. Hard to say. I wish it wasn& #39;t all so hard to say
I mean I guess this is what depression is *for*. It& #39;s the instinct to let go, to stop doing what needs done, in trust that you& #39;ll be even better off for it. Or is it less worse?
I& #39;ve been pushing hard to get out of depression. And I can& #39;t help wonder if that& #39;s exactly wronghttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😖" title="Verblüfftes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Verblüfftes Gesicht">
I& #39;ve been pushing hard to get out of depression. And I can& #39;t help wonder if that& #39;s exactly wrong
maybe sometimes the way to "be" is to let the void take over
to let the world fall away, because, today, the void is just the better home to rest in
I suppose that& #39;s the cave, yeah? maybe I haven& #39;t really let myself live in it quite right lately
Maybe try that first…
to let the world fall away, because, today, the void is just the better home to rest in
I suppose that& #39;s the cave, yeah? maybe I haven& #39;t really let myself live in it quite right lately
Maybe try that first…
You know, I& #39;m oversimplifying, of course. That& #39;s the real truth of it.
It& #39;s not a choice between just staying here until we heal, or a death-march toward satisfaction.
The path is to spiral up: go somewhere better, then rest there; then better, then there.
It& #39;s not a choice between just staying here until we heal, or a death-march toward satisfaction.
The path is to spiral up: go somewhere better, then rest there; then better, then there.
And I guess I need to find a way to better name and externalize that path, so resting can feel like a stop along the way, rather than giving up then starting again fresh.
I need a way to tell my future self the story—so that she can lie down soft, and feel the warmthhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💜" title="Violettes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Violettes Herz">
I need a way to tell my future self the story—so that she can lie down soft, and feel the warmth
Just… whew. I guess I need to make that mapping problem smaller for myself. Because I just keep putting off the mountainous task that I imagine it to be https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😅" title="Lächelndes Gesicht mit offenem Mund und Angstschweiß" aria-label="Emoji: Lächelndes Gesicht mit offenem Mund und Angstschweiß">
when really all I need to chart today, is a tomorrow. with a place made just for mehttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💜" title="Violettes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Violettes Herz">
when really all I need to chart today, is a tomorrow. with a place made just for me
