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"traditional femininity" ≠ biblical womanhood.
my experience of learning how the trad/tradwife movement not only goes against scripture, but how it also harms and degrades women.
a thread.
my experience of learning how the trad/tradwife movement not only goes against scripture, but how it also harms and degrades women.
a thread.
disclaimer: i am not saying EVERY trad person is like this, i& #39;m simply talking about my experience (and the experiences of other women) while critiquing and pointing out the faults of this movement as a whole.
alrighty, let& #39;s begin!
after being delivered from being a witch (thank you Yeshua!!) i was very eager to please Yah. i wanted to do ANYTHING that could help me become a worthy woman of God.
after being delivered from being a witch (thank you Yeshua!!) i was very eager to please Yah. i wanted to do ANYTHING that could help me become a worthy woman of God.
on instagram, i stumbled upon a trad post. a woman wearing a frilly dress and posing like a doll, talking about "traditional femininity" and saying it WAS biblical femininity. this was the standard for Christian women, or so i was told.
this was the trap, and i took the bait.
this was the trap, and i took the bait.
at this time i was still very new to following God and i hadn& #39;t studied scripture that much. i thought it was enough to just pray and talk about God, rarely reading the Bible.
the trad community shared twisted scripture that was laced with their own desires and opinions.
the trad community shared twisted scripture that was laced with their own desires and opinions.
immediately, i took notes. i was happy, thinking by changing my lifestyle like this, i was pleasing God!
do this, wear that, act like this, don& #39;t do that, etc. i was essentially being groomed into a mindless tradwife, and i was told this was good.
do this, wear that, act like this, don& #39;t do that, etc. i was essentially being groomed into a mindless tradwife, and i was told this was good.
i was eventually critiqued and ridiculed by the other ladies in this movement. no more wearing pants (i wore very baggy/flowy pants) those were bad! no more running around barefoot or climbing trees, that was masculine behavior!
even though i dressed modestly, i would still get nasty comments from these other women who called themselves Christians. they told me that yes, i should strive to be beautiful to men but my large chest was distracting to the ones that were already married.
i couldn& #39;t help that. even the baggiest of shirts would drape over my large chest, there was no going around that. you know what these ladies suggested? they told me i should either bind my chest or get a breast reduction. it would make me more modest, thus pleasing God more!
this went from "we& #39;re modest women of God practicing biblical femininity" to being groomed to only please men.
that is what i started to realize. this was not for God, but for the male gaze. when i questioned this, i was told "well of course! God made women to please men!"
that is what i started to realize. this was not for God, but for the male gaze. when i questioned this, i was told "well of course! God made women to please men!"
i needed to fit a very specific mold, and only then would i be practicing "traditional biblical femininity"
the things that made me unique, were tossed away like garbage. i was told that those things made me less feminine, and i didn& #39;t want that. so, i went along with it.
the things that made me unique, were tossed away like garbage. i was told that those things made me less feminine, and i didn& #39;t want that. so, i went along with it.
i was told not to question men, that& #39;s demeaning to them. God made them the superior sex, of course! i was told that men did not want wives as loving partners or best friends to spend their lives with, but wives were just for pleasure and childbearing. that& #39;s it.
tradwomen are taught to WORSHIP their husbands. they LIVE for their husbands, the Bible apparently says so! don& #39;t have any intellectual conversations with your husband, silly! you& #39;re there to be a sex slave, duh! men just want a pretty little thing to come home to. that& #39;s all.
i originally thought they were joking when they made jokes about women being CHAINED to the kitchen, but they were serious. they believed that any woman working outside the home was sinning against God and going against her original design and innate instincts.
like the naive young girl i was, i continued to follow these teachings. as i was transformed into this mindless doll, i became obsessed with pleasing men. i wanted men to look at me. i wanted to be "wife material", because the ultimate goal of a tradwoman is to get a husband!
the goal was to attract men while still being modest and maintaining "biblical" standards of femininity. i wore the frilly dresses, i put pounds of makeup on my face, i changed my behavior and mannerisms to dumb myself down because "men like ditzy, innocent girls"
as i became the "ultimate tradwife", i started getting attention from the "trad" men. i was told i had a pretty face and i would be a good breeder. most of the men that said these things were in their 30& #39;s. but i was told this was great!
i wasn& #39;t like those gross, corrupt girls of this world. not a "gross liberal feminist" but a pure Christian girl, and i was doing a fantastic job apparently. i was getting so many great candidates for the husband role.
forget scripture, forget unique personality, forget knowledge, i didn& #39;t need that anymore. i was reduced to a stupid girl with a pretty face and a nice body to bear children. just a mindless slave to my future husband.
i was told that pleases God.
i was told that pleases God.
i was recommended this book titled "fascinating womanhood" by dixie andelin forsyth. this book claims to help women fit the role God made for women.
God was barely mentioned in that book. instead, it taught young girls and women how to become "domestic goddesses"
God was barely mentioned in that book. instead, it taught young girls and women how to become "domestic goddesses"
some advice in this book included:
- behave like a child. call your husband daddy and throw little tantrums because your husband will think childlike anger is cute and he& #39;ll love you for it. acting like a child will make him feel more masculine.
- behave like a child. call your husband daddy and throw little tantrums because your husband will think childlike anger is cute and he& #39;ll love you for it. acting like a child will make him feel more masculine.
- look like a child. shave every single inch of your body, wear childlike/doll clothes, style your hair with bows and pigtails, etc.
- if your husband is abusive or he& #39;s cheating, there& #39;s good reason! try to make him happy again no matter what! figure out what YOU& #39;RE doing wrong.
- if your husband is abusive or he& #39;s cheating, there& #39;s good reason! try to make him happy again no matter what! figure out what YOU& #39;RE doing wrong.
reading this book actually snapped me out of the weird stepford wife trance i was in. it hit me like a truck that this trad movement had nothing to do with God, biblical womanhood, or even standard traditional values.
this was sick.
this was sick.
this movement pushes harmful/unnecessary western beauty standards, misogyny, and kinks. this movement groomed women with pedophilic standards while fueling/encouraging the twisted sexual desires of these men. everything about this movement was AGAINST scripture.
i immediately removed myself from that movement and dove into scripture. i was determined to figure out what God really thought of women and what we were expected to do as His daughters. it was the opposite of the trad movement.
scripture told me that women are valued. Yah made women to be helpers. not servants or slaves, but helpers. in the Bible, you see women that were given very important roles and purposes.
also, Yeshua appeared to a woman FIRST after He was risen. how incredible is that?
also, Yeshua appeared to a woman FIRST after He was risen. how incredible is that?
along with scripture, i read a book called "eve in exile" by rebekah merkle. here is a small excerpt from it :-)
spending more time with scripture and forming a closer bond with Abba made me realize that these man-made ideas of femininity were nothing like authentic biblical womanhood. letting go of these man-made standards and expectations allowed me to become a better woman of God.
unlearning these insane rules and standards helped me to follow Yeshua better. ignoring what the world wants from me allows me to focus on what He wants from me. i am not here to please this world. i am here for Him.
i went from spending hours obsessing over worldly, vain beauty to putting it aside. i am already beautiful. i was created beautifully.
i used to spend hours shaving. slicing little cuts into my skin and crying just to be beautiful. i& #39;m not a blonde white woman with light hair. my hair is dark and thick, which made everything worse. the world convinced me i was ugly.
i would spend hours straightening my hair. my curly, untamable mane was not desirable. i heat damaged my hair so much. this led to more crying. the world convinced me i was ugly.
i spent so much money on makeup, which resulted in breakouts that forced me to spend even more money on skin care. again, the world convinced me i was ugly.
i spent so much money buying over the top feminine clothes because i felt as if i wasn& #39;t woman enough if i wore pants or a loose shirt.
i spent so much time crying over what the world thought of me instead of rejoicing over what He thought of me. my Creator made me beautiful, yet i kept telling myself i was ugly. how insulting and sad that must be to Abba.
i put everything aside to focus on following Yeshua and Yeshua only. instead of harming my body for the sake of beauty, i am accepting it and resting in my natural state because THAT is beauty.
so now i am at peace. i am happy with who i am because my Creator made me this way for a reason. i am unique and beautiful, just like the women in the Bible. i threw away my razors, my makeup, my high heels and those stupid tradwife books. my focus is Him, and that gives me joy.
wearing loose pants, running around barefoot, climbing trees, reading books, working outside the home, etc. does not make me any less feminine nor is it sinful.
ladies, please refer to scripture and learn from the amazing women of the Bible if you want to please Abba.
ladies, please refer to scripture and learn from the amazing women of the Bible if you want to please Abba.
women of God are supposed to be BOLD. so that is what i will be from now on. i am a bold daughter of Yah. i am a wild daughter of Yah.
you too, are a bold daughter of Yah. be who you were created to be, not what this world thinks you should be.
you too, are a bold daughter of Yah. be who you were created to be, not what this world thinks you should be.
