having a rough time because it's almost a year since my dad died and I still feel like it's partly my fault. the 15th will be one year.
it was me who insisted he move to an assisted living center. he hated it. kept telling me he was going to get a new apartment soon. I said OK we'll talk about it.

then he got the virus and died in a week.
and we didn't get along very well, which makes it worse, somehow. still, some people have had it worse than me over the past 12 months. much, much worse.
the thing I can't get past is that my father was given the hydroxy medication that the orange monster kept pushing (but then didn't take when he got the virus) and I'm convinced that was what finally killed him.
my dad was younger and healthier than that asshole is. so explain that. right. it's money. that monster deserved special meds and my firefighter dad deserved unproven methods. that's fair.
i still cannot believe he was up there on TV like take it, try it, what do you have to lose, etc. Like a fucking grifter with a wagon full of fake patent medicine. over and over he hawked it -- and then didn't take it himself. unreal. I need to end this thread.
I blocked replies on this thread because I've done threads about my dad's death before, and I probably will again. don't feel like discussing it; just felt like venting, and I know that 99% of you would respond kindly anyway. so thanks.
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