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I get this. My PTSD is about not being where the shit was worst; and in keeping folks who were in a similar boat from falling apart.
It's like having a giant rubber band on a rock... you hold onto it, and walk. Eventually, it lets go, and slams into you. https://elemental.medium.com/why-am-i-still-so-miserable-15cf22f4c598
It's like having a giant rubber band on a rock... you hold onto it, and walk. Eventually, it lets go, and slams into you. https://elemental.medium.com/why-am-i-still-so-miserable-15cf22f4c598
When it does let go, and all the stored tension is released... it piles into you. Yeah, my time "downrange" was in it. As David Drake said, "I had a good war" Not many people trying to kill me, retail.
But even a "good war" is living 24/7 in fear (in that way the guys in WW1 had it easier. 3-10 days "in the line) then a week or two "in rest" A week or two "in reserve" (for training), then "in support" then "in the line".
Us, in the line 24/7/365.
Us, in the line 24/7/365.
So Germany was strange. I had a bed. I had food that wasn't from a bag. I had coffee. I had wine (for some reason I eschewed beer for a while, because my friends couldn't get any). No one was trying to kill me (not even "wholesale").
And I felt more nervous than I had in Iraq
And I felt more nervous than I had in Iraq
Which wasn't true. I was suddenly aware of how alert I was, all the fucking time.
So when it comes to "getting back to normal". I done it, mostly.
But 18 years later (we crossed the berm on 03 Apr, 2003) it's still there. I scan the overpass for RPGs, the skyline for snipers.
So when it comes to "getting back to normal". I done it, mostly.
But 18 years later (we crossed the berm on 03 Apr, 2003) it's still there. I scan the overpass for RPGs, the skyline for snipers.
It's gonna be hard, but you can do it. It helps to share, you are not alone.
Very much not alone.
Very much not alone.
