But what happens when the bully *is* your chair+ yr Dean backs him up? That’s what happened to me in 2014. And again in 2015. And in 2016. It took a new Dean to finally make a change. I still have panic attacks when it comes to annual review time. There is still gaslighting. https://twitter.com/jimgoldgeier/status/1380972110735097860

There is some classic DARVO going on as well. Somehow, because I stood up for myself, I became the problem. This is the abuser takes our voices. It worked for many years, where I was nervous to speak out for fear of reaction. Not anymore. What happened to me was wrong.

If you aren’t familiar with DARVO: DARVO is an acronym used to describe a common strategy of abusers: deny the abuse, then attack the victim for attempting to make them accountable for their offense, thereby reversing victim and offender. Academia is perfect for DARVO.

DARVO needs hierarchies + fear to work. “What IF people think I’m the problem?” “What IF I don’t get tenure? I’ll look like the failure + they will still have their career.” So we stay silent and play nice even though it is never enough. This is what I see replicated in academia

Sharing my story has helped me. I shared it the first time at a @ftgs_isa panel. I remember folks saying that should have NEVER experienced that. My husband and my friends have been a constant source of understanding and support, especially in my panic attacks.