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#AutismEmpowermentMonth [Thread]
Hey everyone! As this month continues, I want to share you all my story with autism, and what I went through as a kid. As well as reflect on last year since I found out that I was autistic and how it changed me now.
#AutismEmpowermentMonth [Thread]
Hey everyone! As this month continues, I want to share you all my story with autism, and what I went through as a kid. As well as reflect on last year since I found out that I was autistic and how it changed me now.
tw // ableism, school , harassment
Please note that it’s been 1 year since I was found out that I was autistic so my experience may not speak for all autistic people, and I’m still learning about my autism so if I say something rude or offensive, I’m deeply sorry.
Please note that it’s been 1 year since I was found out that I was autistic so my experience may not speak for all autistic people, and I’m still learning about my autism so if I say something rude or offensive, I’m deeply sorry.
So last year, around February, me and my mom went to the Planned Parenthood building where I had an appointment with a doctor because my school and my mom had meetings discussing whether I was autistic or not. But at the time, I didn’t really care about it.
However, once I talked to the doctor about if I had autism, he confirmed that I did have it, but calls it “high-functioning” autism and Asperger’s Syndrome.
I felt numb when I found out but I was shocked hearing that when the day went on. I was ashamed of being autistic.
I felt numb when I found out but I was shocked hearing that when the day went on. I was ashamed of being autistic.
So after that, I never told anyone about my autism in fear that they would make fun of me and bully me for being autistic. But I did not know a whole lot about autism back then. So I asked my biology teacher in my high school about it and asked them if I should be ashamed for it.
They then told me that I shouldn’t be ashamed for it, and that I should feel proud for being autistic and to not let anyone’s words get to me if they make fun of me. I was at first shocked to hear that but overtime, I felt less and less ashamed of my autism.
Overtime, I got to used to being autistic, though I didn’t fully accept it yet.
During the middle half of 2020, around at May, I followed an artist called @/puppychan. They opened up about their autism through their art and tweets, and I was really inspired by them.
During the middle half of 2020, around at May, I followed an artist called @/puppychan. They opened up about their autism through their art and tweets, and I was really inspired by them.
I began to feel happy about my autism because of them. They made me realize that my autism was something I should be proud of and happy for. Hearing that validation meant a lot to me.
In one particular tweet they made, I had a sudden realization about my experiences in Elementary and Middle School, and the more I remember those memories, the more I realized how ableist the school was, and how I’ve been dealing with ableism for most of my life.
As a kid back then, I didn’t know I had autism or anything about autism, nor did I know that I showed autistic traits. Whenever I was in elementary and middle school, I always felt different from other kids. The way I talked was weird and my social skills were very poor as well.
Because of that, I was always lonely in school, and whenever I did try to talk to people or make friends, I always mess up on my wording, and the person doesn’t understand what I’m saying, and I was never good at making conversations.
Whenever I try to talk about the things I love, the person talks over me and talks about what they love while I sit there and say nothing, leaving me feel worthless and unimportant to people whenever I talk to them.
Now knowing that I am autistic, it makes me believe that most kids didn’t want to talk to me or be friends with me because of my autism and the friends I did have rarely been there for me when I was alone.
It just didn’t end there, the school system in my elementary and middle schools was ableist as hell.
The teachers in there didn’t care about the well-being of students and gave us a lot of homework that we were expected to do in one day.
The teachers in there didn’t care about the well-being of students and gave us a lot of homework that we were expected to do in one day.
The teachers expected me to focus all the time but whenever I couldn’t focus, the teacher punish me by lowering my grades for not focusing even if I was feeling bad. They also forced me to be quiet so much that it made me mute throughout my school years and outside of school.
Adding on to that, I had sensory overload and I was very sensitive to sensory information that the school gave me which made me overthink a lot of the material, often getting wrong answers but I was also slow to notice the information if I didn’t know anything about it.
Now moving on, there were many kids in the school that said a lot of slurs, specifically the r slur, and I was called by it a lot of times. I always felt bad whenever I was told that but I got to used to it which was the saddest part. It’s not just them who said it to me.
My brother however, constantly said to me the r slur multiple times and I always felt off and bad about it but eventually I thought it was a joke and got used to it.
But even as a kid, I knew it was an insult against people who had those actual mental disorders.
But even as a kid, I knew it was an insult against people who had those actual mental disorders.
But, to be fair, I didn’t know I was autistic at that time and my family didn’t anything about it nor they did know anything about ableism. Not that it makes an excuse but it’s something I thought about.
That being said, it’s not just my brother who acted ableist towards me as a kid, my mom and dad were ableist to an extent. They didn’t say the r slur to me but they did other things that affected me to this day.
They shamed me for showing autistic traits that were positive.
They shamed me for showing autistic traits that were positive.
I constantly stimmed as a kid, some were positive while some were negative.
My positive stims include flapping my arms, making strange fun noises, repeating phrases from my favorite cartoons, twirling my hair, and licking certain objects like pencils and toys.
My positive stims include flapping my arms, making strange fun noises, repeating phrases from my favorite cartoons, twirling my hair, and licking certain objects like pencils and toys.
Other positive stims include rearranging and organizing objects, jiggling my feet around, tapping pencils and other objects, staring at lights constantly, walking on tiptoes especially when it was quiet, and sniffing at objects that smelled funny to me.
My negative stims however, include excessively scratching my skin, especially when there was a cut or a wound around it, picking on sores I had on my body, biting my nails and cuts on my fingers.
I still stim today but most of my stims are negative while rarely being positive.
I still stim today but most of my stims are negative while rarely being positive.
Moreover, my parents would always tell me to stop doing positive stims rather than telling me to use it to calm myself down. But they didn’t and because of that, I’m not able to stim as frequently as before or use it as a coping mechanism because of them.
Reflecting back on this, I feel so bad and angry for not knowing that I was autistic because so much could’ve changed if I did know.
No one really understood me as a kid, not even my family, or my friends in school and I always liked things that were unusual to people.
No one really understood me as a kid, not even my family, or my friends in school and I always liked things that were unusual to people.
It’s one of the main reasons I mask myself almost everywhere I go, because I know for a fact that people, especially strangers are not gonna bother talking to an autistic kid rambling on their hyperfixations and be friends with.
Thankfully, I’m quite good at masking since elementary school so I don’t have to worry too much about showing my autistic traits to someone but I still feel bad because someone I talk to doesn’t know a part of me that I never show and I’m afraid if they’ll hate me if I show it.
After remembering and realizing the things that happened to me as a kid, I felt so bad about myself but I also felt good because now, I got to make new friends on Twitter who were autistic like me and I got along with them and connected with them more than my irl friends.
However, now learning a lot more about neurodivergency, I am a lot more aware about what is and what’s not ableist and I try my best to not do anything that seems ableist. And do whatever I can to make a positive space on here.
As of now, I’m still trying to learn more about my autism and I still mask a lot more often but I don’t mind it and I will not let anyone that says any ableist stuff get to me.
And I want to stim positively more which I’m currently learning how and I’m getting better at it.
And I want to stim positively more which I’m currently learning how and I’m getting better at it.
It’s not only that but I want to start advocating for the rights of people with conditions like mine, and combat hatred and misinformation from certain groups and organizations that promote obvious lies.
I won’t let anyone be subjected to that, that is my goal.
I won’t let anyone be subjected to that, that is my goal.
Before this thread ends, I want to let you all know that despite the hardships and meltdowns I went through because of my autism, I haven’t given up. I’m still going strong, and so can you too.
I’m autistic and I’m happy to be autistic.
I don’t let my condition define who I am but I wear it as a badge of honor and I want you all to know that you can still do anything in life, no matter how many people says otherwise.
[End of thread]
I don’t let my condition define who I am but I wear it as a badge of honor and I want you all to know that you can still do anything in life, no matter how many people says otherwise.
[End of thread]
