Men who consider themselves “good men“ but who instantly default to a defensive posture when challenged by women should self reflect on why we’re so obsessed with being right instead of learning more. I fuck up on Twitter. I get called out. I own it. Apologize. Learn. Tis human.

As men, we can never fully understand the vast and nuanced ways women get silenced, spoken over, harassed, abused, assaulted. Too many times I’ve spoken up without understanding the tone, context, wider implications of the moment. This is where most of my learning takes place.

Yes, it’s embarrassing to try and be supportive of a woman’s Tweet, statement or article and then find out from women that we’ve just added to the problem. But too many times I’ve seen men flip to anger instantly in that moment. Those men have a LOT of personal work to do.

Some of mistakes I have made?
1) Restating the same thing a woman said, in a long winded way thinking I’m helping. A version of talking over
2) Implying I understand something a man can never actually understand
3) Engaging with a woman who is traumatized and NEEDS. TO. VENT.

I’m confident women can better list “good man” mistakes. I remain blind to many of them. But I’m learning how to decenter myself and be a witness to what women are trying to tell me. Translate that to what BIPOC, LGBTQI, children are trying to tell me. The result? Real connection

Learn to listen first, brothers. Prove we can. Foster trust. Be invited in. Admit our missteps. Exchange humility for our fear of ever being wrong. Take a breath. Grow. It’s a beautiful world if we just stop trying to dominate every interaction. Peace.

For those who prefer this thread in article form, here is a "friends' link" to the article on Medium. https://remakingmanhood.medium.com/the-pitfalls-of-believing-ourselves-good-men-f751f28c83de?sk=686f82fe37fd3c8fa2846806eddf14c9