I became conscious of the fact that I was strong enough to hurt people if I wasn't careful in elementary school.

A friend of mine and I were horsing around, and I playfully gave him a light punch to the gut–

Or, so I thought.

He doubled over in pain and couldn't breathe for...

(continued) a few minutes.

I was terrified that I had inadvertently hurt him so badly.

In high school, a similar situation erupted where I seriously hurt an underclassman while playing football.

Same feeling of dread.

In retrospect, football may not have been the best...

(con-2) choice of sports for someone who genuinely does not like to cause harm.

When I used to tackle the opposing team's QB, I would do it Howie Long style, just gently pulling him down to the turf.

My teammates would say, derisively, that I tackled like a pussy.

(con-3) I just didn't see the need to try and wreck the guy, ya know?

Anyway, it's weird.

Another interest of mine is combat sports.

I like training in them, and having the knowledge to use to defend myself, if necessary.

But, I have no desire to actually go out and...

(con-4) make up an excuse to get into a fight with someone.

THEN AGAIN, at the same time, I kind of wish that I had gotten into competition earlier, too!

I'm kind of like a paradox, I guess.

I guess the point of this thread is that I have no idea what the heck I'm talking...

(END) about.