My oldest son is 14, the exact same age that DMX was when his so-called mentor Ready Ron tricked him into smoking a blunt laced with crack.

I lack the time to fully articulate ALL of my thoughts, so let this suffice for now:
men need to do right by the children in their care.

Ready Ron was 30 years old when he turned teenage DMX into an addict.

As candid as I am on this platform, I still don’t feel comfortable tweeting all of the fucked-up shit that older men in my life tried to get me into when I was just becoming a teenager.

In fact, the one thing that makes me glad that I left NYC during my teen years is that it meant I’d spend less time having to resist the influence of the older men in my life, many of whom turned out to be addicts, domestic abusers, murderers, and/or child molesters.

Ready Ron was more than twice DMX’s age when he laced that blunt, so it can’t even be classified as “peer pressure.”

That scenario was merely what passed for mentorship in that boy’s life...and the consequences haunted DMX for the rest of his life.

That laced blunt was DMX’s first direct exposure to any recreational drug.

I shudder to think about what kinda directions my life would’ve headed in if I’d listened to my elder male cousins - the Ready Rons in my life - even once.

I used to see the phrase “father your sons” bandied about on Twitter, most often in reference to men who do anything that makes them look effeminate, homosexual, or like a “simp.”

I never saw the “father your sons” crew talk about situations like THIS, though.

I never saw the “father your sons” crew talk about the fathers who abandoned their children like DMX’s did, or the male mentors who fucked their mentees up as some kinda rite of passage, like Ready Ron did.

What did “father your sons” really mean to these people?

DMX’s story strengthens my resolve to be as present and positive as possible to my children, so that they won’t be as likely to follow the Ready Rons of the world.

If my sons really need to know how to be “a man,” I’m right here to show them.

I’ve been seeing many White people take great pains to point out every bad thing DMX said or did when he was alive.

I’m willing to bet that, while they were policing Black people’s grief, many of them were listening to rock bands whose members make DMX look like an angel.

Do any of the people who’ve been so quick to remind us of DMX’s criminal charges and most offensive lyrics know about Ready Ron?

Have they listened to the prayers, the interviews, the anecdotes?

Or is it just Black rappers who need to be perfect in order to be mourned?

I don’t like DMX’s homophobic lyrics either, but who taught him how to be homophobic in the first place?

The people who warp our minds like that tend to be the same people who abandon and abuse us, all in the name of a false, toxic sense of manhood.

Father your sons FOR REAL.

I feel like I need to elaborate on the previous tweet in a way that’s more visible than replying to specific mentions.

There is no excuse for DMX’s homophobia, regardless of how it was taught to him. He had 50 years to unlearn it, but he didn’t, and that’s on HIM.

There are two specific points that I need to clarify.

The first is that there is a link between toxic, violent masculinity (and the homophobia that goes along with it) and direct child abuse.

There’s a big overlap between the grown-ass men who spend so much time policing people’s sexuality, gender, et cetera and the grown-ass men who do shit like groom children, trick them with laced blunts, et cetera.

I have seen this overlap in my lived experiences, and the testimonies of many other men in my mentions reaffirm the existence of this overlap.

The homophobia and the abuse are interconnected. If there’s one, there’s likely to be the other.

The second point I wish to clarify is that my initial tweets about DMX’s homophobia were directed at a specific demographic: White people bursting through grieving Black people’s timelines with a “well, actually” JUST TO DO IT, with no context or nuance in sight.

If you’re Black and/or LGBT, and you’re calling DMX out for his homophobia, I fully stand with you. It’s wrong and inexcusable.

Otherwise, I need to know what kinda smoke you also have for people like John Lennon, who relentlessly mocked *his own manager* for being gay.

I’m writing from the perspective of a cishet Black man who was born and raised in NYC during the crack epidemic; grew up listening to hip-hop; and now has a queer spouse and a queer son.

I’m interested in breaking the generational cycles in my personal life.

I’m always open to being challenged and critiqued, and willing to clarify and correct my words when necessary.

It is my hope that everyone who reads my words knows that I’m being serious and sincere.