Thread of phrases that my Appalachian family says that I’ve never heard anywhere else

“I’ll dance at your weddin.” This one is used in place of please after a request, my grandma used to say this all the time. Meaning, they’ll dance at your wedding if you do whatever they just asked. 10/10 wholesome

“Farting like a bank mule.” I feel like no one else has ever heard of this one but essentially you’re just extremely gassy and keep farting super loud. I literally had to Google what a bank mule was to make sure I wasn’t just hearing it wrong. 5/10 very funny but kinda gross

“You make my ass wanna chew tobacca.” Well... this one is a bit complicated but it means that you just CAN’T STAND the person. This conjures a lovely image for me of a disembodied cartoon ass chewing tobacco and spitting it into a spittoon angrily. 15/10 god-tier insult

“Flatter than a fritter” fairly self-explanatory. It’s pretty dang flat. I’ve also heard “flatter than a flitter” but I think that one was a spoonerism? Idk but 6/10 descriptive but a little blasé

“Funny-turned” is an adjective only used for people. It’s used to mean strange/unusual but it’s a very delicate/polite way to put it. It’s not a way that someone acts but a way that they are.

2/10 only bc it is often said about people with some type of neurodivergency

“Were your ears burning?” means we were just talking about you. It’s used exactly like “speak of the devil” but it’s based in an old wives tale that your ears burn when someone is talking about you. 9/10 love it.

That reminds me of another superstition where if your left palm is itching, it meant you were going to come into money. If it is your right palm, you’re going to lose money.

“Run for the round house, Nelly! They can’t corner you there!” This one is just a silly pun that my grandma would say but it still kinda cracks me up. lol 9/10 a bit corny

“Absotively posolutely” - a goofy way of saying absolutely with great certainty. Lol 10/10 I forgot about this one