Great start to tee ball career for the first born. He urinated all over his jersey just before leaving for the game.

They put him at short stop snd when we screamed his name to get him to stop playing in the dirt and pay attention he responded by sprinting back to the dugout in the middle of an opponent’s at bat. Things are going great here.

He ran back again in the middle of the next kid’s at bat to inform us that he had to sneeze

First at bat he swung and missed then made light contact and began running toward the pitchers mound—bat in hand. Coach proceeded to pick him up and carry him to first base. To be fair, he’s not yet five and the youngest kid here

Other parents are out here making the dumbest jokes and I’m on twitter making jokes about them. We are not the same.

The day ends as it began, only this time the bodily substance is his feces. Uniform is so big that he forgot to remove it before taking a deuce and it is thoroughly soiled (he’s never done this before). We will see you next week everybody.

Wife, the far cleanlier partner in the relationship, is currently getting her eyebrows done. Do I rub oxy clean and warm water into the shit encrusted tee ball jersey and baseball pants or oxy clean and cold water?