Often I like to spoil myself with a “little” shopping trip. He said spoiling me is his job. But sometimes it is more satisfactory when I pay with my hard earned money. It’s like telling myself I earned this, I deserve it.

The first 2 years of our marriage, I refused to use his money. I was so used to getting things on my own. But, I just quit my jon and relocated to the US. I didn’t have salary. I burned through my savings. Despite having a joint account, I barely used his card.

I hated the thought that I had to rely on other person. He begged me to use his card. I didn’t. To the extend I forgot the pin number. We had to go to the bank and get new pin twice in the span of 2 years. I just never used it. But my savings were almost gone by then.

I cried a lot. I knew I have to rely on another person now. I was struggling to get a job. I was willing to do any job.. cashier, waiter, whatever. But I don’t drive yet.

It was only after the 3rd year I started seeing things in different perspective. He is my husband, my partner. Not just other person. Relying on him is not a sign of weakness. His money is our money. He is the one who took me to another country. It’s okay to let him treat me.

My extreme independent used to get the better of me and almost cost our marriage. I often missed being single and capable. The 3rd year, I got a job. Another side jobs coming. I am getting my saving back on track. We arrange our financial together now. There is no I in team.

I am married but still capable. I am still independent, but also understand that marriage is a team work that could benefit both parties. I understand it’s okay to rely on my partner and to ask for help. I still occasionally prefer paying for my own things.

PS: In case it’s not obvious. My money is our money too.
The first 2 years of our marriage, I used my money a lot to do groceries for us. Not because he was incapable. But because I was stubborn.