consider: kink shaming isn’t a form of oppression in and of itself, BUT the links between homophobia, racism, transphobia and kink shaming (eg reinforcement of the “golden standard” for sex; the cishet obsession w/ how (lgbtq+) ppl have sex, etc) are v real and complex (1/14) https://twitter.com/splscey/status/1380648342833745928

people who’re open about the things that they’re in to sexually aren’t just inherently “fair game”, as one of the replies to this says. of course you’re allowed to be uncomfortable with other peoples sexual desires, *to a point*. (2/14)

they way that you express your discomfort w/ other people’s sexual desires in a society that is so obsessed with controlling desire, esp the desires of marginalised ppl, is REALLY important — & it’s heavily dependent on context as to whether or not it’s unwarranted shaming (3/14)

it’s too easy to go from “i’m uncomfy with somebody who is openly kinky + doesn’t seem to care for my discomfort with them talking about their kinks openly” to “I have sex in a way that is deemed socially acceptable, and people who don’t deserve to be shamed for that” (4/14)

freaky sex is seen as evidence of moral deviance bc of the ways it’s been historically related to “deviant ppl” — i.e lgbtq+ ppl, esp lgbtq+ poc — and thus, you have people who treat other people differently depending on how they like to fuck. that’s what it comes down to (5/14)

and that’s why it’s really important to think about why are you react the way that you do to other peoples sex lives. Just as much as it’s important for everyone to be critical, mindful and introspective of what they desire, prefer and *why* (6/14)

i used to tear myself to pieces trying to figure out why i liked the things i liked; convinced myself that i was “freaky” bc of the abuse i’d survived and trauma i harboured etc (even though it’s been proven that there is no direct link between being traumatised + kinky!) (7/14)

a lot of people form their entire personalities around shocking everyone with how ~ kinky and deviant ~ they are. it’s a clear sign of immaturity and insensitivity to other peoples needs, bc it’s not difficult to be mindful of other people’s tolerance of sexual convos + (8/14)

and kink. i always make sure that i feel out the persons tolerance for fetish/kink talk before o open up to them, since 9/10 times it’s *really* not hard to tell. i openly *ask* if people are okay with me talking about certain things if the convo swings that way (9/14)

fundamentally, discourse about sex tends to lack open and honest communication about people’s boundaries, limits and desires. what’s hard about accepting that somebody is into weird shit that you’re not into w/out shaming them for it, and accepting that there *are* + (10/14)

genuine social repercussions for having your “deviant” sexual desires exposed / publicly discussed, *especially* if you’re LGBTQ+, a poc, a SWee. the assumptions made around my sexual tastes as a Black trans lesbian are *intensely* fetishistic, lesbophobic + transphobic (11/14)

and ik that my experiences as a SWer lend me a totally diff viewpoint on acceptability politics wrt to kink, too. in essence, exposure + public shaming of your sexual tastes can lit be life ruining depending on the way that it’s done, who it’s done by and to, et cetera (12/14)

“well, just don’t talk about it, or openly be into anything ~ weird ~ and you’ll be fine” hmmmm... oorrrr we could work on *not* instantly shaming people for having sexual tastes that don’t align w/ an est. norm, w/out assuming that means “anything goes” (13/14)

or that critical discussion of sexual tastes, criticism of people’s kinks and introspection about said kinks is entirely off limits. (14/14)

if you got this far and feel like you learned something;; https://twitter.com/bitterbleue/status/1287372112387280897

a good follow-up to this thread that i just remembered! https://twitter.com/bitterbleue/status/1351108156328456193