We're doing this ludicrous thread from Katsuki's perspective now 💕 #LetDekuSmash #bakudeku #bkdk #crackfic
--- https://twitter.com/queenswagzilla/status/1375872739223859203?s=20
If Katsuki told his middle-school self that he'd started a thirsty-ass stan account for *Deku*, middle-school him would have attempted to punch him in the dick, Kota-style.

He, of course, would K.O. his middle-school self with the flick of a fucking finger, so fuck that guy.
Katsuki had gotten the idea from Mina.

She hadn't *told him* to do it, because there was *no way in hell he would ever tell her what was going on in his head.* Not even on his deathbed. He would never live it down.

Here's how it happened:
He'd beaten Deku's *ass* at Ground Beta. He'd pulled out an indisputable win despite the fact that this dork had *somehow* gotten All Might to give him his quirk.

But when he pinned him down, he suddenly and *problematically* realized just how gay he was.
The nerd was ripped. *So* ripped. He only wore baggy shirts with shitty slogans and basketball shorts, so he'd never really noticed how fucking yoked he'd become. Sure, there was his hero costume, but that was baggy too.

Sitting on top of him to pin him down though? Fuck.
Hearing Deku *panting* beneath him had caused an *immediate* internal crisis.

Deku was *hot.* Like *really fucking hot.* And uh...he was taking notice.

*Fuck, no.*

He was just glad that Deku was too distracted by his custom-made ass-kicking to notice that he was turned on.
Pinning your rival down after a knock-down-drag-out was the *wrong* time for a boner. Like, the worst time.

Especially since All Might had shown up a second later. Hiding his boner while his idol tried to hug him had been the most mortifying moment of his life.
He'd hoped he could make a quick escape, but *no.* Of course not. All Might had to give them a (very intriguing, well reasoned) lecture about working together and fixing their relationship, and Aizawa had needed to chew them out.

Then Deku had to open his fat mouth.
"It wasn't just him. I also went pretty hard," he said in that fucking warm-tea-on-a-cold-ass-day voice. Fuck, had he always *sounded* that good?

He wanted the nerd to go hard. On him. Jesus fuck. This was a disaster.
He hadn't been able to sleep that night. He had to know if it was a fluke. If it had just been a heat-of-the-moment, 'we're both riled up' kind of thing.

So he'd stalked Mina's Instagram. A small, private account where most of the class had made appearances.
He'd found Deku pretty quickly. He was constantly with Floaty, and besides their 'squad,' Kirby was the person Mina photographed the most.

This time, he really *looked* though, and it felt like he'd been hit by a fucking truck.

Deku was fucking *gorgeous.* What the fuck.
He wanted to scream, but he couldn't. Shitty Hair was right next door, and he'd barge over and ask him what was wrong.

Nothing. Nothing was wrong. Something was too right. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Then he realized: he'd be stuck in the dorm alone with him all day. Fuck.
The next day, after his 'squad' teased him for his house arrest stint, Mina had been *loudly* telling Kaminari about how unreasonably hot she thought Hawks was (even though the man could be a complete douche sometimes), when she pulled up a Hawks thirst account on Twitter.
He had been *calmly* thinking about Deku in a *completely normal way,* but that had caught his attention.

"Lemme see," he grunted.

Surprised but delighted, Mina handed her phone over and let him scroll.

Until high school, Katsuki had never been interested in social media.
Well, that wasn't totally true. He had a Twitter account, but he only used it for hero news and stats.

He didn't even follow any actual heroes—he found their personal accounts utterly useless and filled with empty soundbites that had no actual value to him or society in any way.
But *this*? This had potential.

He didn't actually do anything about it, though. What would he even say?

'Hey universe, I just realized that I want to stick my dick in my best friend turned bullying victim turned rival, send help?'

So, he handed the phone back to Mina and completely forgot about the idea before it had completely formed.

That is, until the day that Deku *obliterated* Overhaul, and Katsuki's gay realization evolved into outright gay panic.
Holy *fuck*, his nerd was jacked. That's right, *his nerd.* Katsuki *always* got the best, goddammit. He *would* figure out how to get Deku to date him.

And/or bang him. As long as it was a hands-on experience.
But until he figured that out, he had to do *something* with this sudden and overwhelming influx of utter thirst.

Before he knew it, he was logging into his dinky down-low Twitter account, @/_kb420_. No followers, no tweets, only following three news sites.
He had some thinking to do here.

If he tweeted about what he wanted to do to Deku from this account and it got *any* attention, it would track back to him. He had to change his handle.

He would need something new and anonymous so that he could rant without risking discovery.
His mind drifted to the thirst account that Mina had showed him, trying to come up with an appropriate new tag. It had been called @/1SexyChicken, and 100% Hawks focused. Was it gonna be exclusively about Deku?

Yes. Yes it was.

And so @/FuckMeUpDeku was born.
part 2
To be fair, it started pretty benignly. He needed somewhere to rant about how fucking *awesome* Deku's fight had been without completely murdering his reputation.

He had a feeling Kaminari already knew that he *liked* the nerd, and that was bad enough.
He couldn't deal with the rest of the class, too. And he definitely didn't want them to know about the account where he'd posted a twenty-tweet rant about the things Deku could probably crush with his thighs.

But before he knew it, he had a new problem. Well, the same problem.
Kaminari. Kaminari was the problem.

This shithead was *devoted* to fucking with his phone while he wasn't looking.

Luckily, his account was small so there were virtually *no* notifications unless they were from the UA Twitter or a news site.

But still. Too many close calls.
It got better in their second year, though.

He'd racked up over 1,500 tweets about Deku over the course of a year by the time they started their PR and Social Media class.

He'd been required to make an official Dynamight account, so he could hide his thirsty-ass—
sub-Twitter behind his rapidly growing main account.

The best part of that? Deku had been required to get an official Twitter, too. Well, the whole class had, but *still*. More Deku.

So much more Deku. It was a fucking *blessing.* He was just as popular as Katsuki, and—
that meant that he got tagged in *hundreds* of civilian photos on a regular basis.

Since he couldn't stare at Deku for three straight hours without raising some eyebrows, Twitter had become a godsend.

Of course the more hero analysis videos and candid photos he saw—
the more unacceptably smitten with the nerd he became.

It was a fucking problem.

He was starting to act like a complete dumbass in *public,* and that was mortifying in a multiple ways.

For example, he was becoming a fucking klutz if Deku was being attractive anywhere nearby.
Once, Deku was changing and bent over to get get out of the legs of his jumpsuit, and Katsuki had closed his locker door on his hand.

@/FuckMeUpDeku: I just want to touch his ass. Just once. Please.
Another time, Deku had swept his hair back after a cardio-heavy gym session and Katsuki had dropped his weight plate, barely missing his foot.

@/FuckMeUpDeku: I wanna run my fingers through his hair I bet it's so fucking soft I hate him so much fuck
The last one is the one that had gotten his friends' attention.

He'd made dinner for the class. Deku had taken his share. Deku had taken a bite. Deku had *moaned like a pornstar.* Katsuki had jolted so violently that he fumbled the still-hot pan and *stupidly* grabbed it.
Eijirou and Deku had both jumped to help him, but Mina and Denki had just watched. When Katsuki glanced at them, he could see the wheels turning in their heads.

He could also see the exact moment it clicked. Mina's eyes lit up, and Denki's jaw dropped.

Katsuki had shot them a warning look, and they thankfully shut the fuck up.

They were nosy and ridiculous but fuck, they were good friends.

"We need to get you some burn cream, Kacchan," Deku fretted. Katsuki smacked his hand away.
"Finish eating, Deku. I have burn cream in my room."

Deku was going to protest, but Mina (that lovely fucking demon) cut in. "I'm done eating! I'll help him. You chill, Mido," she grinned widely. He nodded hesitantly, and Katsuki saw his life flash before his eyes as Mina—
dragged him from the kitchen, Denki and Eijirou trailing behind them.

As soon as they were in the safety of Katsuki's room, Mina turned around and smacked him on the shoulder. "You totally like Mido!" she shrieked.
"Fuck Pinky, why don't you yell it a little fucking louder?" he snapped. "I don't think they heard you in fucking France!"

"So you do? You do, don't you? You heard him orgasm about your cooking and you gay panicked!" Kaminari said excitedly.

Kirishima just looked shellshocked.
Katsuki spent an unreasonable amount of energy *not thinking* about Deku orgasming and replied: "Shut the fuck up."

"He totally does," Mina whispered reverently. "This is the best day of my life."

"You're fucking dramatic. I didn't even say anything!" he snapped.
"You didn't have to. You're blushing so hard I could probably ignite your nitro," Mina giggled wildly.

He blushed harder. Fuck.

"I hate you."

"Nope. Just tell us, Blasty!" she cried. "If you do, we'll wingman!"

"You like Midoriya?" Eijirou yelled, finally catching up.
"Would you fucking keep it down?" he hissed, slapping his hand over Eijirou's mouth. "Fuck, *fine!* Yes, I like him, now shut the hell up!"

"Oh my god," Denki breathed.

"Since when?" Mina squealed.

He squinted, weighing his options. Lie, tell the truth, or refuse to answer.
"Since last year," he finally admitted quietly. The drama duo let out histrionic gasps.

"Lsht yrr??" Eijirou yelled, muffled by Katsuki's hand.

"Oh my god dude, you have to let us help you!" Denki insisted.


"You haven't succeeded in a *year,* Blasty!"
"Because I haven't been doing anything about it," he snapped. "He's got other shit to deal with, and I don't know if he's interested—"

They *all* scoffed at that. "You're joking," Denki laughed.

"*Kacchan is amazing,*" Mina cooed mockingly. "Okay, sure."
"That's not proof! He's been saying that shit since we were like four!" he snapped.

"You're delusional, but fine. We can still work with that!" Mina cheered.

He wanted to argue. Really. But...maybe they could help. Right?

He sighed. "Fine. But be fucking subtle, assholes."
Mina shrieked again, throwing herself forward to wrap her arms around Katsuki.

At least they didn't know about the Twitter account. Mina would read them with a megaphone. Or just...retweet them, which would be so much worse.

"He's accepting help," Eijirou said reverently.
"Damn," Denki agreed. "He must be in love-love."

And fuck him for being right, honestly. Katsuki had half a mind to throw him off the balcony.

@/FuckMeUpDeku: [img: Deku's smiling face] I would pay $$$ to feed him home cooked meals and gaze into his stupidly beautiful eyes.
part 3
Katsuki scowled at his phone. More specifically, he was scowling at a picture of Deku hugging the human vibrator from Ketsubutsu.

@/FuckMeUpDeku: you ever wanna possess someone's else's body just to be in Deku's arms?

His friends had helped a surprising amount.
Through a significant amount of pushing and manipulating, Deku had pretty much become his exclusive training partner.

It turned out really well. Katsuki spent so much time analyzing (staring at) Deku that he had an inside track on Deku's weaknesses.

The inverse was also true.
That had started at the end of their second year. Now, a quarter of the way through their third year, and they were practically an official duo.

He had Eijirou to thank for that.

He and Deku were both interning with Fat Gum, and he'd *suggested* that they should—
find a way to line up patrol schedules with Miruko so that they could team up. They'd tried it on a trial basis and it had worked so well that he and Deku were basically stuck together 80% of the time.

It was fuckin' awesome.
Since Deku and Dynamight were basically a package deal, there were shit tons of photos of them patrolling together. That was a fucking *blessing* for two reasons:

(1) He got tagged in *so many fucking photos of Deku,* ranging from adorable to downright sexy.
(2) He had fucktons of photos of them together that he could use for the slideshow he'd present during the speech at their future wedding.

For example, this photo of Deku smiling at Dynamight while he snarled like a fucking demon.

Sunshine. Bliss. Adoration. Perfection.
@/FuckMeUpDeku: I would sell half my fucking body if he would just look at me like this *continuously* jesus christ i'm so gay

"Hey Kacchan!" Deku greeted him loudly. Katsuki startled and fumbled his phone, barely catching it before it smashed into the ground. "Oops! Sorry!"
"Wear a fucking bell, Deku, fuck!" Katsuki snapped, heart racing. He had been staring at a picture of Deku stretching in front of Fat Gum's agency—muscles visible as the material of his costume went taut.

"Sorry! You ready to go?"

They had another fucking interview.
"Yeah, you're the one who's late, fucker," he snapped.

As their careers had started to take off and they'd gained popularity, they'd had to do more press events. Katsuki hated them.

But Miruko and Fat Gum had realized that they could temper Katsuki by putting Deku near him.
Or rather, they could temper public perception. Katsuki was a fucking gremlin no matter what, but Deku was a damn good translator for him.

It helped that he was such a ray of sunshine. Nobody believed that he'd spend time with Katsuki if he didn't have redeeming qualities.
So yeah, whenever they scheduled Katsuki for an interview, they made sure Deku was free, too.

He rewatched their interview ten times in a row.

@/FuckMeUpDeku: Look at this sweet, adorable, *sexy piece of shit.* I'm fucking melting.
Then he scrolled through the #HeroDeku tag, because he was a fucking simp and he knew it, practically dying every time he found a photo of Deku that was unacceptably hot.

There were a lot, and it honestly shocked him that no one had noticed what a fucking meal the nerd was.
@/FuckMeUpDeku: [thigh-centric photo of Deku kicking a villain in the face] Deku could choke me to death with his thighs and I would haunt them. Best afterlife ever.
Two days later, they were on patrol and a truck lost control and careened towards a sidewalk cafe.

Deku didn't just stop the truck. He *lifted* it.


@/FuckMeUpDeku: Oh my god he lifted a truck. He lifted a truck. I'm so fucking gay, what the hell is this?
Then, because it was *them* he took a step back and critically analyzed the situation.

@/FuckMeUpDeku: super hot that he could lift it, but did he know he could do that? or did he just risk his dumb perfect life for no reason? fml he's so hot but stupid
About a week after *that,* one of the like...200 followers his tiny stan account had accumulated tagged him in a photo of Deku drinking water.

Just drinking water. From a bottle.
Head tilted back, cheeks flushed, jawline *razor sharp.*

@/FuckMeUpDeku: I want Deku's Jawline to cut me in half fuck fuck fuck

@/FuckMeUpDeku: if you're still thirsty you can drink me if you want

@/FuckMeUpDeku: I want to be that bottle so fucking bad, kill me
He could spend hours doing this shit. It was ridiculous. He had homework to do, goddammit.

But then his main account was tagged was tagged by the nerd himself.

@/DekuCanDoIt: I love doing interviews with @/GEMGDynamight! He has so much cool insight into hero work!! o(≧▽≦)o
He was going to die of a fucking heart attack. That's how it was gonna happen. Not a villain. Not Denki accidentally electrocuting him.

Deku being adorable out loud and in public.

He QRTed it.

@/FuckMeUpDeku: this cute motherfucker owns my whole ass. my fucking heart.
So yeah. He was still ass-over-mouth in love with Deku three years after his initial gay-wakening, and the public seemed pretty on board with him too.

Which is why it caught him by surprise when, one lazy Saturday morning, his phone started to blow up.
He was getting tagged a *lot,* and so was Deku. What the fuck?

He opened Twitter, scrolled as fast as he could to catch up, then *saw red.*

He was out of bed and beelining for the common room a moment later. "DEKU!" he screeched when he arrived.

"Oh, fuck," the nerd sighed.
He threw his phone at Deku's face with deadly force and accuracy. "What the fuck is this?" he snapped. His heart fluttered when Deku rubbed his nose where the phone had made impact.

*Focus, you horny idiot,* he scolded himself.

"Ow," Deku mumbled.
"My fucking phone is *blowing up* with shitty takes, how fucking dare you?" he shrieked. Yeah, a little irrational, but *fuck* whoever was slandering his nerd and *fuck* the nerd for looking so upset about it.

"I didn't write it!" he exclaimed, looking at him like he was nuts.
"If people think *your* work is shitty, they'll think *my work* is shitty, fucker!" he snarled. That was a reasonable explanation for why he was riled up, right?

"I literally have no control here," Deku sighed.

"Do you have his name on alert, *Kacchan?*" Denki teased.
Ah, excellent. Katsuki had been *looking* for a reason to murder someone this fine morning, and Denki had just volunteered himself. He didn't notice Deku tensing at the teasing nickname.
"Half the fucking country treats this asshole like he's my hero partner. I have *my* name on alert. Did you even fucking read it?"

He said that while trying to telepathically communicate that he was going to strangle him later for being so fucking obvious.
Denki mumbled something about not actually reading the whole article, and Katsuki seethed with irritation. It only got worse when he got to the real bullshit and read it aloud.

"Projected hero partner Dynamight is a human grenade and still manages to cause less destruction than—
this simpleton with an OP power-up quirk. Dang, dude, they came for your throat," Denki said, a little horrified.

They *did* come for Deku's throat. The *audacity.*

"The fuck are you gonna do about this, dumbass?" Katsuki snapped, grabbing and twisting Deku's ear for emphasis.
He almost let go when Deku whined piteously, but he had a fucking reputation *and* a point to make, goddammit.

"I'm gonna talk to Fat Gum and see if he can help! It won't help if I respond!"

Katsuki's brain crackled with fury. He dropped Deku and pushed him away.
He was just gonna sit back and do fucking *nothing?* "You're just gonna *let* those braindead extras talk shit about you?"

"I don't wanna make it worse! I'm awkward and bad at defending myself—"

Katsuki cut him off with what could only be described as a rabid growl.
Deku backed up immediately and put his hands up like he was expecting Katsuki to attack. Fuck, he just might.

Might attack his face with his mouth because *fuck* he was still all rumpled and sleepy looking and he wanted to cuddle this motherfucker to *death.*
But apparently he had work to do.

If Deku wouldn't clap back at people who came for his throat, *Katsuki would.*

He snatched his phone from the floor and stomped away, ignoring the silence he left in his wake.

He opened the Deku folder in his photos. His time had come.
Back to top: https://twitter.com/queenswagzilla/status/1380728011427774469?s=20
part 4
He read the article again.

It wasn't very flattering to either of them, but it had done a number on Deku. The worst part is that people were taking it seriously, despite the fact that its first major pickup was from a shitty tabloid.
He took this shit seriously, okay? Deku had worked too hard to deal with shit like this.

He deserved better. It was a thought that had occurred to Katsuki more than once over the past two-ish years.

When he'd realized that he'd liked Deku, he'd been hell bent on dating him.
But as he actually *fell* for the nerd, he'd realized that Deku deserved the best.

And as he gained perspective, he became devastatingly unsure if he actually qualified for that role.

It was only Deku's own insistence that let him hold out hope.
That wasn't the point, though. Deku was *amazing.* It had taken him way too long to realize that, and he wouldn't let the rest of the world make the same mistake.

He started with a serious thread. A detailed, point-by-point counterargument to the article that he linked—
directly under HeroStar's tweet announcing the article.

He was annoyed as *fuck* when no one paid attention to it.

Here's the thing, though: he might not *love* social media for serious news and hero analysis, but he knew how it worked.

He needed to grab their attention.
Shitposts got more attention than serious content, and that was just how shit worked.

He just didn't want Deku to be pissed at him if he found out who owned the account.

But like he said, he knew how this worked, and he was inappropriately prepared for it. So he opened his—
Deku folder, and got to work.

@/FuckMeUpDeku: Ten Reasons Hero Star and that Awful Analyst Don't Know Shit, A Thread.

This would be easy. He had *way* more than ten reasons he loved Deku. He just had to choose the ones that the public was most likely to agree with, right?
Ugh. That wasn't exactly his strong suit. One of the things that he liked about Deku was that he could kick Katsuki's ass. That wasn't something a civilian would vibe with.

Why was he so fucking weird?

Oh well. He'd do his fucking best. Plus ultra.
He pulled up his favorite photo first. The best smile he'd ever seen on the nerd's face. How could you not love someone who looked that genuinely excited to see you?

@/FuckMeUpDeku: #1, This Face.
And because his emotions were a little too strong after looking directly into the sun, he had to bring it down to a thirstier level.

@/FuckMeUpDeku: #2, This Ass.
Since he was already in the thirst place, why not...stay there?

@/FuckMeUpDeku: #3: Them thighs. [A photo of Deku at the third year sports festival, choking Sero out with his thighs.]

He should add that to the thread of things that Deku could crush with his thighs later.
He kept searching through his pics, and found one that had nearly *taken him out* when he'd seen it in person.

@/FuckMeUpDeku: #4: He strong [A photo of Deku picking up a car as though it were a fucking couch cushion]

Seriously, the second he'd picked it up, he'd nearly died.
Scrolling. Scrolling. *Abs.* He remembered the first time he'd truly computed how shredded Deku was. He'd spent *weeks* trying to figure out when it had happened. Finally he'd just *asked.*

Dragging appliances across a beach. What the fuck.

@/FuckMeUpDeku: #5 THESE ABS?! HOW?
Realizing that he was going a little too deep into his thirst, he backtracked. There was so much more to like about Deku than just his body.

@/FuckMeUpDeku: #7, so smart, how is he so smart and so hot [Video clip of Deku rambling about quirk theory to an overwhelmed reporter.]
Yeah, he had video clips too. *What about it?* Deku doing shit he couldn't do was a turn on. Like being nice to extras.

@/FuckMeUpDeku: #8 so kind, so soft [A picture of Deku with two kids, kneeling between them and throwing up a peace sign with another blinding, beautiful grin]
[i missed one, sorry]

He couldn't help but add the photo of Deku squeezing the giant All Might plushie they'd bought him for his birthday. Mina had posted it on her Instagram, so it was fair game.

He'd been jealous of a *toy.*

@/FuckMeUpDeku: #6, look at this adorable dork
He'd said ten reasons. He wanted the tenth to be the serious thread. So what else could he use to prop the nerd up?

Like he said, Deku being everything he wasn't was *hot.* He had the perfect candid pics to show that.

@/FuckMeUpDeku: #9, friendly af, can't relate, v admirable.
In number 10, he dropped the link to his original thread into the tenth tweet. Hopefully, after putting his unquenchable thirst on display, people would be willing to stop laughing at him long enough to take that shit seriously.

And finally:
@/FuckMeUpDeku: In conclusion, we should trust Deku to smash whatever or whoever he wants because he is capable as fuck and hot as hell. #LetDekuSmash

He read through the thread again. Was he really gonna do this?

It was an anonymous thirst account. What could go wrong?
He hit "Tweet All," then posted the link to the thread under the HeroStar tweet. Then under a few of the extra-shitty replies.

He had a fucking point to make, okay?

But maybe he'd gotten a little too enthusiastic about it because he found out *exactly* what could go wrong.
Mina. Fucking. Ashido.

She found it *freakishly* fast, and of *course* she'd fuckin' retweeted it. Had she even read the whole thing?

He watched in horror as his notifications went through the fucking *roof.*

He tried not to be too unsettled. This is what he'd wanted, right?
#LetDekuSmash was trending.

It was *trending.* It had been less than an hour, and there were already *so many* tweets in the tag. He couldn't keep up with them.

Well...that might be because he'd spent a *completely reasonable* amount of time looking at the attached photos.
He tried not to smart too hard at some of the replies, especially under #9. There were shit tons of people who had apparently taken it to mean that he was ill-suited to be Deku's hero partner.

And they *agreed.*

Frankly, so did he. Deku would have to spend half his time—
battling public perception if he took Katsuki as his partner. Deku deserved better.

Katsuki was greedy though, so if it was a possibility, he'd be the best fucking partner his nerd could ask for.

His other sticking point was that now that he'd pointed it out,—
people were *realizing* how hot and *good* the nerd was.

He couldn't decide if that was a good or a bad thing. On the one hand, that's what he'd been trying to do.

On the *other fucking hand,* there were all kinds of shitty extras tagging him in their thirst-trappy pics.
So he'd hit the nail on the head and he was pretty proud of that, but this was some bullshit.

Was that the crazy analysis quirk chick from the provisional licensing exam?

*Fuck,* they would be perfect together. Nerd love for the ages. Fuck fuck fuck.
He pinned the thread to the top of his profile. It might be rapidly becoming the bane of his existence, but it was a damn good thread to land on to get an accurate look at what went on in this account.

Since everyone was suddenly looking.

Then he went back to dread-scrolling.
The mentions and likes and retweets were pouring in, but he ignored them in favor of perusing the hashtag and letting himself spiral in the #9 QRTs.

There was nothing like a healthy reality check and a social media circus to get you going on a Saturday morning.
Then, it happened. Right there, under #10.

@/DekuCanDoIt: Thanks for the support and all the compliments! Your analysis was amazing, and you really came to my rescue. You're my hero! 🤩

He stared at it, blinking in shock as though he'd been slapped in the face.
He could see the number next to the little retweet icon tick upward at a dizzying pace. His stomach clenched.

*You're my hero.*

This level of utter adoration should be illegal. Fuck. He was fucking blushing.

He turned his phone on silent and stormed out of the room.
What the fuck was that nerd thinking? He said he was gonna lie low! That's why Katsuki had done this shit in the first place.

"Can't stay out of trouble for five fuckin' minutes," he snapped when he got to the common room. Deku looked flustered, and it was fucking adorable.
"C'mon, dork, we're training," he growled, grabbing Deku's hood and dragging him toward the door and away from the shit show.

"I thought we were gonna train after lunch," he replied, totally unfazed by being hauled around by the neck.
"Yeah, well now I gotta keep your nerd ass off Twitter," he replied, irritated that he'd managed to make shit more complicated for Deku because he'd somehow forgotten how fucking *nice* the nerd was. "You just *had* to respond to it, didn't you?"

"I appreciate the analysis!"
He scoffed. "Yeah, and the other shit didn't compute? Bullshit," he snapped. The entire internet was talking about his *ass.* There was a hashtag about it.

"I mean that stuff was nice, but it's kinda weird," he said. Katsuki's winced. His specialty: making Deku uncomfortable.
"The analysis was super thoughtful and—"

Oh, fuck. Deku liked his analysis. Katsuki was blushing furiously, and by the way Deku had cut off, he'd noticed. Fuck. He had to find a way to—

"It was just nice to see that someone didn't think I was a fuck up," Deku muttered.
Fuck no. He was gonna slap the *shit* out of the love of his life. Fuck this.

"Hey idiot," Katsuki snapped, dropping the nerd's hood and turning to tower over him. Well, only three inches over him, but *still.* "If I thought you were a fuck up, would I waste my time on you?"
Deku's eyes widened and his (perfect, kissable) mouth dropped open and Katsuki *relished* the ability to shock him after all this time. "Uh...n-no?"

"Fuckin' *right,*" he barked. "Don't listen to shitheads who don't even bother to research hero stats without considering—
category variation. That shitty analysis had you lumped in with fuckin' *rural rescue heroes*, of *course* you had higher property damage stats," he sneered. "Fuckin' ridiculous."

Then, to his *horror*, Deku burst into tears. Not exactly unusual but he hadn't meant to upset him!
"Thanks, K-Kacchan," he sniffed, folding in on himself.

Katsuki sagged in relief. Overwhelmed, flattered nerd is something he could deal with. Barely, but definitely better than sad nerd. "Such a goddamn crybaby, what the hell," he muttered. "The entire fucking class thinks—
you shit sunshine. You're one of the Big Three, of *course* you're not a fuck up," he sighed. "You're still an idiot, but don't let some useless nobody—who's probably bitter they never did anything useful with their lives—shit on you. Stand up for yourself, fucker. There—
won't always be someone to do it for you," he instructed irritably. This asshole was making him ride an emotional rollercoaster and he was fuckin' done with it. At least for today.

"Got it," Deku sniffed, stemming his tears with his sleeves, still hiding his face.
"Whatever. Let's fuckin' go. You need time away from the internet. I don't think you realized what kind of hell you raised by retweeting that shit," Katsuki snapped, turning on his heel to stalk away.

He knew Deku would follow him. At least for now.
back to top: https://twitter.com/queenswagzilla/status/1380727159396835328?s=20
part 5
It got worse before it got better. In fact, on Tuesday, he saw his whole-ass life flash before his eyes.

First, he'd his phone on silent. That way, no one would notice how many notifications he was getting. He was still paranoid though, so just for—
good measure, he made sure that his lock screen notifications were turned off. Comforted by that, his attention turned to Deku.

In fact, he was so distracted by watching Deku get overwhelmed by appreciation—both physical and analytical—that he'd forgotten one *minor* issue.

Okay, so it was a major issue. In fact, it wasn't just a major issue, it was a major *problem.* And he'd just...neglected to take him and his hunger for chaos into account.

Like a fucking idiot.

So there they were, hanging out while Katsuki cooked, when he heard—
the most dramatic gasp ever.

He turned to Denki and Eijirou, eyebrows raised. Then, all at once, his stomach turned to lead, his blood turned to ice, and his body turned to stone.

Oh, *fuck.* Denki had figured out his passcode.

"Dude," Denki breathed, shocked and awed.
"What the fuck are you doing," he hissed, eyes wide.

"*Dude!*" he yelped. Eijirou was staring at him wide eyed. Fuck.

"Shut up. Shut the fuck up right now," he warned.


"I *said,* shut the fuck up!"

"Bro," Eijirou squeaked. *Squeaked.* Like a fuckin' mouse.
Katsuki's breathing was coming out a little too fast. He might be hyperventilating. Their shock and awe turned to concern *real fast.*

"Yo, are you okay?" Denki asked, dropping the phone and crowding in.

"You can't ever leave shit alone," Katsuki snapped, lashing out at him.
"Dude, sorry, we were just gonna change your phone language," Denki said, a little panicked. "You gotta breathe, man."

"Yeah, it's not that big a deal," Eijirou attempted to assure him. "So what if you're—"

"*Shut. Up,*" he hissed. Eijirou mimed zipping his mouth shut. *Good.*
"Forget the fact that I fucking *told you* to leave my fucking phone alone," he snapped, breath still coming short as he panicked. "Whatever the fuck you just saw was *not your fucking business!*"

"We really didn't mean—"

"You *never fucking mean shit,* dumbass!" he yelled.
"Is everything okay in here?"

They froze, whipping toward the door. Deku. And Mina, Uraraka, and Jirou. But Deku is the one who'd asked.

"We're fuckin' fine," he snapped furiously. "The fucking phone charger just has some boundary issues."
Deku frowned at Denki. "Didn't he tell you to stop messing with his phone already? It's really invasive, Denki."

Despite his bone-deep irritation and utter panic, his heart still managed to flutter at that. Adorable asshole looking out for him.

"My bad," Denki agreed, shaken.
He was still pissed, but he's glad the idiot had enough common sense to not spill about what he'd seen.

"Just don't fuckin' do it again," Katsuki snapped.

He knew that was too much to ask for. Denki had the memory of a fucking fish. But he could fucking *try.*
"Are you sure you're okay?" Deku asked. Katsuki gave him a rough nod. "Okay," he said hesitantly, giving Katsuki a meaningful look. He assumed it meant 'you should tell me if they do it again.'

He would *not,* but it was a nice sentiment. "Get outta here, nerd."
As soon as Deku and his tagalongs were out of sight, he turned his glare back on his friends.

"We are *so sorry,* dude," Eijirou breathed.

"It *is* a big deal," he snapped. "Invading my privacy is a huge fucking deal—"

"That's not what I meant!" Eijirou backtracked.
"Then what did you mean, dickhead?"

"I meant that the *thing we saw* wasn't a big deal," he insisted, eyes darting to the door. Ah, he was making sure Jirou wasn't eavesdropping. Smart.

"Yeah, dude, I feel super bad for the phone thing," Denki placated. "But the other thing—"
"Would you shut the fuck up about that?"

"Yeah, dude," Denki agreed immediately. "Just...remember, we offered to be your wingmen," he shrugged. "Now that we know, we could use it to help?" he suggested hesitantly.

Katsuki squinted at him. It looked like his glare increased.
They both shrank back. *Good.*

"I'll fuckin' think about it. But in the meantime, *don't touch my shit without asking, assholes,*" he snapped.

"You got it," Eijirou replied, nodding before he'd even finished the sentence.

"Yeah, dude, I swear," Denki agreed.
"Fine. Now make your own fuckin' dinner," he said, throwing the spatula at Denki's face, pleased when it smacked him in the forehead with a satisfying *thwack.*

He moved to storm away. "Wait, are we allowed to ask questions?" Eijirou asked. He froze at Katsuki's glacial glare.

"Yeah, nevermind. You...you fill us in if you feel like it, man."

"That's what I fuckin' thought," he sneered, stalking out of the kitchen.

He smirked maliciously when he heard Denki say: "So, do you want scrambled eggs or cereal for dinner?"

Serves them fuckin' right.
He hadn't used @/FuckMeUpDeku all week. He was lying low.

Partially because he couldn't really deal with putting what he was thinking on blast now that his two closest friends knew it was him. It was fuckin' mortifying.

Finally, Eijirou gathered the courage to—
talk to him about it, showing up to his room right before he went to bed.

"You don't feel comfortable talking about this stuff in person," he said.

"Thanks for pointing that out, I had no fuckin' idea," Katsuki snarled, trying to shut the door in his face.
He blocked the door. "I'm not trying to corner you or anything," he promised. "But—"

"Fuck, if you're gonna talk about this come inside, asshole," he said, swinging the door open. Eijirou shuffled inside, waiting until the door was firmly closed. "You have five minutes."
"Denki and I are sorry," he began.

"Yeah, you said that. But I don't fuckin' see Denki, do you?"

"Yeah, we figured a two-on-one would have felt like ganging up on you. We both agreed that I'm less irritating."

"Got that right at least," he grumbled, flopping onto the bed.
"But if you're not using your side account anymore because of us, that sucks. You clearly had a lot to get out, and if you're not gonna talk to us then you should keep using it," he insisted.

"You know every ridiculous thing that's been in my head about Deku since first year."
"You like him dude! I tell you that shit out loud when I'm into someone," Eijirou cried. "Our opinion of you won't change just because you're a little thirsty! We totally get it man, Mido's a snack!"

Katuski cut him a glare. "Fuck you." Eijirou rolled his eyes.
"Not like that, dude. It's an objective fact. Look, I'm just saying, that was clearly an outlet for you and we're both worried that you've just...stopped. You were posting like every day before this shitshow went down—"

"I didn't stop because of you, I stopped because it was—
blowing the fuck up," he barked.

"But you still stopped! Look, I'm just...I wanna know if you're okay. Or if you wanna talk or *something.*"

"I don't wanna fuckin' talk."

"I figured. So what are you gonna do?"


Eijirou eyed him. "Well, if you're open to ideas,—
Denki had one."

"Oh great. Another *idea* from Zapdos the dunderbird."

Eijirou snorted. "Yeah, I know dude, but this one actually isn't bad. That account has a lot of potential, man. You can say what you feel, and make Mido feel good about himself. Then when you're ready—"
"I can what, tell him it was me?" he scoffed.

"Yeah," Eijirou agreed, completely serious.

"I would literally rather stick my throat closed with one of Grape Sack's sticky balls and suffocate," he said seriously.

"Gross and dramatic," he laughed. "Even if you don't do that—
I personally think you should keep going. Hey, it'll be like talking to us about it without having to look us in the eye!"

And that...had some potential as a thought with value. It's not like he *wanted* to keep this shit from his friends. But the thought of—
talking about it out loud made him want to low-key die.

"That's not the worst idea," he allowed hesitantly.

"If you want, I can give you motivation," he offered slyly.

"Why are you so fuckin' bent on this?"
"Dude, you need to vent. That's how you do everything. It can't be good that you're holding it in."

He was serious. Fuck this guy for caring so much.

Katsuki eyed him. "What motivation?"

Kirishima grinned widely, shark teeth gleaming. "I'm so glad you asked," he said—
fishing his phone out of his pocket. He fiddled with it for a sec before tossing it to Katsuki.

Good. Fucking. God.

Smiling *and* abs? What had he done to deserve this? Maybe he'd given Jesus a blowjob in a past life. Did that count as a good deed or a bad one?

"Holy shit."
"And not to be too creepy about feeding your thirst, but we can totally help you get more. I mean, now that we know—"

"Please god, don't finish that sentence," Katsuki uttered, still staring at Deku—abs flexed as he smiled at someone off screen.

"...Is that a no?"
Katsuki groaned. "I'm going to hell," he replied.

"It's in the name of love," Eijirou refuted. "I'm sure the nameless greater power of morality will forgive you."

"If you're wrong, I'm haunting you."

Eijirou snorted. "You were gonna do that anyway."

He wasn't wrong.
Denki's (moronic, brilliant, underhanded) plan went into effect at lunch the next day. Compared to Denki's past plans, it was pretty benign and straightforward.

Katsuki was almost impressed.

First, Katsuki had to reply to his *20 thousand* new followers.
When Deku entered the cafeteria, it began.

@/FuckMeUpDeku: I'm glad you're all finally opening your goddamn eyes about how fuckin stacked my man is. Notice I said 'my man.' I'll fight u for him, and I *will* win.

Deku blushed, and Katsuki felt a fist tighten around his heart.
The second tweet was the shirtless picture from the night before. He warned Denki right before he sent it.

@/FuckMeUpDeku: See here's the fckin thing, do I want him to fuck *me*? Or do I wanna fuck *him*?? Like smash me daddy but also come here bb boy
Deku fumbled his phone, and tripped on his own feet in his attempt to grab it—face-planting on the ground.

Floaty helped him up leading him forward and talking to him quietly as he blushed deeper and deeper.

Then he tweeted one last thing.
@/FuckMeUpDeku: Deku, if you're reading this, sorry for making your ass go viral. Also, you're perfect, thx for making me gay.

Then, Denki snapped a photo of Deku's blush. But the idiot didn't turn his sound off.

Deku blinked at him. "Why."

"You'll see."

"No, tell me."
Denki wouldn't tell him. Katsuki could practically hear him weighing his options.


Deku and Denki stared at each other. Then Denki bolted, screeching for Eijirou to block for him over his shoulder.

Katsuki's phone was already open to Twitter when Denki QRTed.
@: Chargebolt: Look at that blush. Pretty sure he's not mad abt it 😏

Deku blushed even harder. He looked like a strawberry. Katsuki wanted to eat him.

There was something seriously wrong with him. He QRTed Denki's tweet anyway.
@/FuckMeUpDeku: Adorable fuck how is he this fucking cute I hate everything. I want to kiss him in the moonlight.

"God has forsaken me," Deku mumbled as he took Denki's empty seat. He started tilting forward and Katsuki grabbed him by the collar before his face hit his soup.
He hadn't even needed to take his eyes off the screen. Honestly, he was pretty impressed with himself. He angled his phone away when Deku glanced over. "Just let me drown, Kacchan."

"Don't be dramatic, nerd. You don't see me trying to blow myself up when people say they want to—
suffocate in my pecs. That's way worse."

Deku was silent for a moment. Then:

"At least those people have taste," he said, *quiet and wistful.* Katsuki dropped his phone in shock, whipping around to stare at Deku. What the fuck?

"Fuckin' *what?*" Katsuki yelped.
Floaty and Eijirou broke down laughing so hard that they attracted the attention of most of the cafeteria.

But Katsuki's attention was fixed on Deku, who was now sputtering incoherently and flailing like a fuckin' windmill.

Holy shit. Was Deku...attracted to him?

No way.
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