Often times, my autistics traits cause people harm. Add BPD to it and it's a fiesta. I've been shouted at and called out a lot of times for my lack of communication skills, pushing people too much, not acknowledging people's work and labour. But the story doesn't end there.... /1

I've made sure to apologize everytime. It's not my fault that I'm autistic bcoz of which these issues crop up. But it's not the fault of the person on the recieving end either. They have been very genuinely harmed by me. So what do we do in this situation? ..... /2

Somewhere accountability plays a big role. I haven't masked any less or more due to this. But I've learnt coping techniques that mitigate the potential harm of my neurodivergent traits. For example, I can get very reactionary at times, which can clearly harm people around me ../3

So I've learnt techniques to calm myself in this situation. Whenever I feel sudden anger, rage, pain, hurt, and my first reaction is to burst out. I take a pause. If it's a person to person situation, I give myself half an hour. It's much more easier online though.... /4

When this happens due to a matter online, I give myself a night. During this break, my overthinking brain fumes and processes the anger. The time I allow it, makes sure that I'm able to see more perspectives and nuances, and make sure I do not react. But respond.
..... /5

This helps a lot with specific autistic traits. What NTs have labeled as a "tantrum" or "outburst"... Giving myself just a little bit of time helps so much. This ofcourse has come after a lot of practice.... This is something a therapist taught me a while ago... /6

Please note, by mentioning this I am not saying that the responsibility always lies on autistic individuals. The world considering NT as the default hurt a lot. I do not propogate masking. Rather I feel that the first beneficiary of these techniques are autistics themselves... /7

One cannot deny that there are consequences to every word we speak and every action we do. Having the ability and the agency to make sure that your intentions are not misinterpreted is really great. It relieves a burden off your chest that is invaluable..... /8

Autistics and other NDs need not be taught how to "assimilate" into the NT world. Never needing to mask would be the best thing ever. Till then for me making sure that I don't unintentionally hurt others or that my ND traits are not misunderstood, feels like a great compromise /9

I know what I've said is very controversial. But this has come from years of living as an undiagnosed autistic person. I have dysgraphia, and I had to teach myself to write to fit in. I have ADHD and I had to teach myself new ways to focus that work for me .../10

I have BPD and I had to teach myself ways to remain grounded for the sake of my loved ones and relationships. Whatever I have said above may sound controversial but it is completely from my lived experience and I realize that it may not work for everybody. My point is that .../11

My point is that NDs need to be taught my NDs. Learn new ways around your traits. Do what works for you. Find ways we can get the NTs expect, but by doing things in our Nuerodivergent ways. This sounds like a better alternative than painful masking for sure.../12

Lastly please don't react, and give this thread a good read and then engage with me. As I said I've written based on my lived experience, which will for sure not work for other NDs. So please don't come shouting at me.... thanks

Also just to note.
Dear Nuerodivergent folx,
When you're called out, remember that you're not apologizing for being ND. You're apologizing for the unintentional harm that has been caused. It's not your fault for being ND, but the harm the person feels is still very real.