I just had the WILDEST convo w/ my mom. She suddenly brought up this girl I was seeing years ago and... It's her new boss's daughter. "Well, I know her father caught you having sex in YOUR CAR. For christ's sake, Kristen, you should've got a room I gave you an AMEX for a reason."

I don't know if you know this but Catholic parents do not talk about sex ever, even with their adult children, so I am DEAD at this point... and then, "You think I don't know just how much sex you had as a teenager? My god, if you were a son I'd be SWIMMING in grandkids." Ohmygod

"Your father and I had a running tally of how many girls you snuck out of your bedroom..." KILL ME.

"Dad was quite proud, actually. 'That kid gets more ass than Steven ever did' (my older brother.)" Fuck me dead.

My heart has STOPPED. I am FLATLINED. My GHOST has typed this thread...