okay so let’s address the common misconception that aftercare is something that is given by a dom and received by a sub. it’s not. aftercare is different for everyone but should ALWAYS be for both people if it’s being done properly. https://twitter.com/witchygoogie/status/1380655885953994756

i think a lot of subs experience aftercare as a time they’re coddled and doted on and assume that this is FOR them. but no it’s really not. it’s for both of us. if i just broke smth what makes me feel better about that is fixing it. if what i broke is a person that still stands.

doms often Do have really weird ass rituals for their aftercare that are specific to them and thats ur number one sign that it’s for everyone. i have one play partner who NEEDS to get milkshakes together after. that’s his thing. i have one who always wants to feed his subs candy.

sometimes it’s a treat. sometimes it’s a massage. sometimes it’s SEX. yes. sex can be aftercare. but as a sub if u play with different people and they’re all good dominants you should feel like your needs are always met by their aftercare and still notice a difference in partners

that difference is usually the piece of aftercare that’s creating that transition and decompression that’s needed for the dominant. maybe there’s one who rubs your back and one who always kisses all over your face. different strokes for different folks. personally i like a movie.

so like yeah sure “doms need aftercare too” is a true statement but pls trust and believe that any good dom ur playing with CONSIDERS the aftercare portion of ur play to be aftercare for u both. ur not doing something wrong by failing to provide separate aftercare.

what i WILL add is that doms need check ins too. it’s considered common courtesy to have a phone call or brief text convo the next day and check in to make sure everyone’s still feeling good about the scene and i find that 9/10 times this is initiated by the dominant partner.

sometimes it’s scary as a dom to say “hi just checking in ... oh ur fine ... great ... personally i am losing my shit!” and it’s easier if you as a submissive are the one to ask if your dominant is okay instead of creating a situation where they have to volunteer that they’re not

but on the subject of aftercare? if ur dom needs more aftercare than the aftercare thats already occurred, they need to communicate that. aftercare is for everyone.