I’m going to embark on a topic that may be controversial but I think it’s necessary and will hopefully shed some light on the topic of metoo and believeallwomen. These are my personal thoughts, observations, and experiences. Please keep in mind, I have consistently advocated...
...for the integrity of the church my entire “career” and begged people not the leave and to try to find a healthy congregation. This isn’t meant to be an attack, but an honest plea to carefully consider your words and tact.
These movements exist because there is no safe way for real victims of rape to get help from Christian sources. They would not be necessary or successful if the vast majority of the church and the men within it were doing their God-ordained job of protecting women and giving...
...them a fair shake with allegations. I say this as someone who has personally tried to bring things to the church and been treated poorly Every. Single. Time.

Every time I speak up on topics of abuse, I am immediately blacklisted by Christian men.
“We can’t speak to her anymore because she may lie about us!”

I’m considered a flight risk and a liability for opening my mouth and uttering the word “rape.” I’ve seen this happen with my sisters-in-Christ as well, it’s not unique to me.
For a man, he is innocent until proven guilty by the church. We must protect him from this harlot that is accusing him!

But for a woman, she is guilty without chance of proving innocence. Maybe something did happen to her, but it was likely just her regretting an...
... originally consensual encounter!

Even if she isn’t the one to bring up her abuse, she is the villain. Not only does the burden of proof land on her, but any support is immediately pulled from her because she “may be lying.” Meanwhile the man is given the benefit of the...
... doubt and all available resources to prove innocence.

I personally have had a police report and other documentation illegally destroyed before reaching the DA’s office. And I had the witness of two Christian men beside me. They were thrown under the bus with me for...
...verifying my testimony as witnesses. I have done all the right things to prove what happened to me, and it still wasn’t enough. I followed all the rules to be taken seriously, when it reality the goalpost was never really there to begin with. That was just set to placate.
I’ve watched my sisters in life have their rape kits destroyed, and men shrug without a care. “There has to be a system in place,” they say, without lifting a finger to make sure that the system is functioning correctly.

RAINN, a secular organization, is the one who helped...
...me with every single sexual assault I’ve experienced. They gave me the information I needed to be able to protect myself and my family time and time again, while the church sat by and its representatives said, “it’s not my problem.”

RAINN are the ones that came through...
...day and night, for me. And other women. Not the church or any men responsible for making sure that it is a safe house of God. I’m incredibly grateful for the handful of pastors I have been able to speak with and learn that they are working to change things, but they are...
... such a small minority.

I get it. False allegations happens, and there are biblical instances of it. However that is no excuse for the way the church handles victims. If you’ve already made your mind up on who is right or wrong before a woman even speaks a single word...
...you’re not intellectually honest or acting in accordance with justice.

If a woman is lying, then you’ll find out soon enough. But withholding support and resources from anyone who comes forward is the actions of cowards. If you’re so sure she is lying, then the truth will...
...come out regardless of the resources she obtains. And if not, you’ve done the right thing by a genuine victim.

The Church should be a safe place. It hasn’t been for many of us. Over and over and over again.

If you haven’t the foggiest idea why young people are leaving...
... the church and why the response to abuse would matter, then you’re not paying attention.

Just because Jesus didn’t hurt us doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to live in peace. Saying Jesus is not the perpetrator doesn’t fix the problem. We know that. The only thing that will...
... fix it is the church listening to the pleas of the women being torn apart by wolves within the walls. Why subject ourselves to lingering in an unsafe place every week? We’d often be safer sleeping under a bridge each night than existing inside the walls of church buildings.
#Metoo , #churchtoo, and #believeallwoman have had the success they have because of the negligence that has existed. If these needs had been met inside the church, there would have been no draw to them.

I see people complain about then often, and the same people tend to be the..
... ones hiding the shovel for the grave behind their own backs. There are children watching you, dear men. Once upon a time, I was one of them. I looked up and saw protectors and heroes. Your daughter and your nieces and the little girls in your neighborhood and at church are..
... watching you. They hang on your every word, learning from you and your leadership. By speaking negatively of injured women in front of them, you are teaching them to stay silent, that you won’t believe them, and that they are at fault for anything that happens to them.
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