#luckae meowmeow cinematic universe (official title!) threadfic

tags: modern AU (catowners!luckae), fluff
rated M (possibly) thanks to diluc's brain running on hornknee but no smut thanks to noctua (also possible OOC-ness because of aforementioned hornknee)

start!

"So," Lisa says, "you're saying you have a cat problem."

The way she's drumming her perfectly manicured fingers on the tabletop reminds Diluc of his stern private tutor back in grade school. Beside her, the twitch of Jean's lips tells him she's trying to bite back a smile.

Diluc is no longer the ten-year-old who could be intimidated into learning long division, though. He is a proper adult, now; he has stared into the terror that were the Ragnvindr Wineries' shareholders and faced them down until they backed off.

Lisa *cannot* intimidate him.

At least that's what he's trying to tell himself as he looks at the dangerous curl of her smile and the way her eyes narrow as she waits for his answer.

(Rumor has it that when Lisa defender her dissertation it were the committee members who were scared of *her*)

He has to stand his ground, though--he *needs* to, for Kaeya and for himself. For their future together.

"No," he grits out. "It's *Kaeya* who has a cat problem."

On his lap, Frostgnyaw purrs sweetly, as if in agreement. Diluc wants to kiss him for that.

"And what is his problem exactly?"

Jean has started to hide her grin behind a giant mug of iced tea as Lisa continues to prod Diluc further--his childhood friend, betraying him in support of her girlfriend!

He takes a deep breath and thinks of Kaeya before continuing:

"I think Kaeya is spoiling his cat too much and that's why *he's* like *that*."

"I don't know, Diluc, Noctua looks like a pretty sweet cat to us."

No. Not *them* too--not his only allies in his fight against the demon incarnate that is Kaeya's cat!

"I agree, and besides--" it is Jean who speaks out now, having apparently managed to get the twitching of her mouth in control. "Are you sure you're in any position to complain about Kaeya spoiling his pet?"

"I don't understand what you're saying," Diluc says as he continues handfeeding Frostgnyaw his treat: freeze-dried cuts of grass-fed, free-range lamb, one of his favorite. His tail curls gently around Diluc's arm as he licks his fingers clean, his big eyes begging for more.

Who is Diluc to deny him? He reaches into the near-empty package of treats and grab a few more chunks of meat, nearly cooing at the happy twitching of Frostgnyaw's tail.

"You're a good kitty, aren't you, Frostgnyaw?" he says to the cat, petting his fur for emphasis.

Frostgnyaw purrs once again, curling up on Diluc's lap as he blinks sleepily. He yawns, and before long he's fast asleep, his whiskers twitching. Diluc wishes his phone isn't jammed deep in his pants' backpocket just so he could snap a picture of this moment and send it to Kaeya.

It's only fair--after all, Kaeya loves sending him pictures of sleeping Noctua. Noctua is, objectively, far less cute than Frostgnyaw even in his sleep, but the occassional flashes of Kaeya's bare skin in those photos definitely make up for it, in Diluc's opinion.

He looks up once he's completely sure that Frostgnyaw is sound asleep, opening his mouth to ask if Jean could lend him her phone to take a cat picture or two, when he realizes that Lisa has started looking at him like a manuscript she based one of her dissertations on.

"What?"

Jean has given up all pretenses of *not* laughing in the face of Diluc's *very* severe predicament as Lisa's eyebrows hike halfway up her forehead in a look of genuine wonder.

"You--you really don't notice, huh, Diluc?"

"Notice what?"

"Aren't *you* the one who spoils your pet far too much?"

Diluc frowns, his arms curling around Frostgnyaw protectively. "What are you talking about?"

"Well I'm...pretty sure not *all* cats get handfed organic, hand-harvested duck liver or whatever it is you fed Frostgnyaw just now?"

Diluc's frown deepens. "First of all, it's lamb," he begins. "Second of all, the chef behind this brand said this treat is good for his diet."

Jean coughs once, twice, before deciding to speak up as well. "Not *all* cats have gourmet cat food, either, Diluc."

The thing about Jean is, whether by virtue of her family's background in public relations or her experience in varsity debating circuit or her being Diluc's--

childhood friend, trying to win an argument against her is nearly impossible. And maybe, just maybe--she has a point, sort of?

Not necessarily one Diluc *agrees* with, because Frostgnyaw is special, but a point nonetheless.

Still, he's not here in Jean and Lisa's impeccably neat apartment to talk about himself *or* Frostgnyaw. He's here to talk about Noctua and his ongoing mission to make Diluc's love life immeasurably difficult.

Neither of them are pet-owners--their schedule is, in Diluc's opinion, absolutely horrifying in terms of its packedness, thus making pet ownership impossible, but they *are* Frostgnyaw's godmothers. Diluc trusts them more than he trusts the rest of Mondstadt put together.

"What do you think I have to do, then? It's not like I can tell Kaeya about this--it would break his heart if he learns that his cat is secretly a monster."

"Okay, again, we don't think Noctua is a monster--"

"Agree to disagree."

"But have you thought of bringing Frostgnyaw over to Kaeya's apartment for a cat date? Maybe Noctua would behave better if he has a friend to play with?"

"That's--" Diluc starts, and cuts himself short once he realizes that he cannot really find a downside to Lisa's suggestion.

Quite the contrary--it's actually very ingenious in its simplicity. Frostgnyaw and Noctua have never met, after all, outside of a few of Diluc's videocall dates with Kaeya which they hijacked to meow at each other. https://twitter.com/peachoolongteaa/status/1380007182343802880

"Archons, Lisa, has anyone ever told you that you're a genius?"

"About a million times ever since I learned how to read the newspaper at age two, actually."

Jean kisses her cheek at that, making them both dissolve into giggles as Lisa kisses her back. The look in Lisa's eyes as she stares straight at Diluc while kissing her girlfriend promises something very...uncomfortable in his future if he doesn't leave in the next few minutes.

Well. It's not like Diluc *wants* to stay longer than necesssary--not when his presence is no longer wanted and he has found the perfect solution of hi--*Kaeya's* cat problem to try out.

The last thing he sees when he closes the door is Lisa straddling Jean on their sofa.

(that's all for now!

thread will continue (hopefully) tomorrow, featuring kaeya and noctua (finally!!) and diluc attempting to play 4D chess with a cat

replies/QRTs are welcome and good nya-ight )

wait nevermind before i sleep for real here's the (super long lmao sorry) thread on luckae meowmeow cinematic universe (MCU) for context if anyone needs it! https://twitter.com/cryovishap/status/1377448259606638592

"How do I look?"

Diluc turns away from the full-length mirrror in front of him to face Frostgnyaw, who is perched lazily on top of his cat tree--a royalty surveying his kingdom.

Frostgnyaw meows softly at the sound of Diluc's voice, his blue eyes squinted in a way that makes Diluc wants to spend the next hour playing with him--if only the thought of Kaeya waiting for Diluc in his apartment hasn't been occupying his brain for, oh, nearly eight hours now.

Diluc isn't the type to be self-conscious about himself, not really. But he is on a mission, tonight, a mission which involved thirty minutes of trying clothes, calling jean in mild distress because he spent thirty minutes trying clothes, and--

--a very nice-smelling box of pizza which Frostgnyaw eyed with interest when Diluc brought it into his apartment.

A mission in which Frostgnyaw plays a very important role.

He briefed Frostgnyaw on it too, of course, while feeding him his treats. Frostgnyaw had swished his tail as he licked Diluc's palm, which Diluc took as a sign of both understanding and agreement.

"I'm counting on you, Frostgnyaw."

It took him an hour to finally reach Kaeya's apartment complex--a tiny, three-story building with no space for a car park of its own in a part of the town that some snotty acquaintances of Diluc's father would call "quaint" with their nose turned up.

Diluc doesn't care about that, not really--tries not to, at least.

He definitely doesn't care *now*, when Kaeya opens the door and greets him with the most dazzling, most captivating smile that Diluc has seen on anyone's faces ever.

"Frostgnyaw!" Kaeya exclaims, his eye bright as his gaze falls on the cat carrier cradled in Diluc's arms.

Frostgnyaw, for his part, immediately tries to butt Kaeya's outstretched hand from behind the bars of his carrier.

"Hello to you too, starlight," Diluc says with a laugh as Kaeya leads him inside. Diluc gives him a light peck on his cheek before setting Frostgnyaw's cat carrier on the floor, watching him sniff the air as he pads across the wooden floor.

Kaeya kisses Diluc in return, a soft graze of lips against lips that lasts for miliseconds yet enough to awaken the semi-dormant part of Diluc's lizard brain which tells him to pin Kaeya to the nearest flat surface.

He manages to keep himself in check enough not to do that--

but he does allow himself a few seconds to kiss Kaeya deeper, inhaling the scent of his perfume. It's perfect, as always--kissing Kaeya has quickly become Diluc's favorite thing to do, and the way Kaeya seems to melt into the kiss makes him think that it's the same for Kaeya too.

It, like Diluc's daydreams of Kaeya during his office hours, doesn't last long.

Unlike Diluc's daydream, however, his kissing isn't interrupted by yet another "urgent" phonecall that really could have been an email.

"Ouch!"

He looks down, and what meets his eye is the sharp, smug red eyes of Noctua as he makes himself known by the way his claws are embedded lightly in Diluc's ankle.

"Meow," Noctua says, a declaration of war.

Kaeya, blinded by his (unwarranted, Diluc thinks bitterly in a fit of pain-fueled annoyance) affection for Noctua, seems not to notice how pure *evil* seems to radiate from Noctua. He coos at him instead, before cradling him in his arms.

Diluc could swear Noctua looks smug.

"Awww, you want to say hi to Diluc too, huh?" Kaeya says as he strokes Noctua's fur, lifting up one of his paws in an imitation of a handwave.

Diluc sighs. "Hello, Noctua," he says, trying very hard not to grimace.

Oh, the things he do for love.

Luckily for him, Frostgnyaw--perfect, beautiful, brilliant Frostgnyaw--chooses that moment to meow for attention, too, his tail curled lightly around Diluc's ankle as he looks curiously at Noctua.

Noctua, for his part, starts squirming from his place in Kaeya's arms until Kaeya puts him down, as well--after which he immediately darts towards Frostgnaw.

Diluc, the pain of Noctua's claws still fresh in his mind, moves two steps away from him by reflex.

Noctua makes no sign of attempting to maim Diluc's ankle one more time--he makes no sign of even *noticing* Diluc at all, too busy rubbing his head against Frostgnyaw's own in greeting as Frostgnyaw does the same in return.

Kaeya coos at the way their tails swing in excitement, their little nosebumps. Diluc loathes to admit it, but in that moment Noctua *does* seem, well, not cute, necessarily, definitely not *as* cute as Frostgnyaw, but--ever so slightly endearing, maybe.

Another, increasingly urgent part of his brain, however, cares less about the temporary respite that his ankles (and his various body parts, really--Diluc has this theory that Noctua is aiming for his more, *tender* parts specifically) are safe from any stray claws and/or fangs.

*This is your chance*, that part of his brain says. Meanwhile his lizard brain doesn't even say anything at all--there is no need to, when it can inject an assortment of Kaeya-related fantasies directly into Diluc's optic nerves.

As he kisses Kaeya one more time, long and deep and free from any feline interruption, Diluc thanks the Archons that he remembers to bring a pack of condoms.

(end for now!! )

next installment probably on tuesday night? in which diluc thanked the archon *waay* too soon lmao get rekt diluc

thank you so much for reading so far!

THE MEOWMEOW CINEMATIC UNIVERSE KEEPS EXPANDING https://twitter.com/peachoolongteaa/status/1382567723079770118

#luckae meowmeow cinematic universe continuation in a few minutes oh god why is this thread so loNG