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Red flags and signs I wish I paid attention to when I was with my narcissist ex - and may help you.
1) They are always charming in the beginning, love bombing you.
They eventually give you the bare minimum, teaching you to give more and do more
1) They are always charming in the beginning, love bombing you.
They eventually give you the bare minimum, teaching you to give more and do more
for just a fraction of getting that affection back. They drip feed you so you give 98% and they give 2%.
2. They don’t really have any long term friends.
If they talk about all the people they have fallen out with but it’s NEVER their fault, you can absolutely guarantee that it was.
Falling out with that many people? Yeah....they all made a lucky escape.
If they talk about all the people they have fallen out with but it’s NEVER their fault, you can absolutely guarantee that it was.
Falling out with that many people? Yeah....they all made a lucky escape.
They will try and occupy all your time and make you feel guilty for trying to have a social life outside of them.
I wasn’t even allowed to spend time with my family, and any days off I had to tell him what I was doing and see him.
I wasn’t even allowed to spend time with my family, and any days off I had to tell him what I was doing and see him.
3. They have no empathy. They literally cannot give a shit about anyone but themselves.
They have no idea how to put themselves in another person’s shoes. How their behaviour might affect you.
Your explanations, won’t make sense to them.
They have no idea how to put themselves in another person’s shoes. How their behaviour might affect you.
Your explanations, won’t make sense to them.
They are aware of their own thoughts and feelings.
They literally cannot see things from another perspective.
They literally cannot see things from another perspective.
4. Victim mentality - you bring up a problem you have with how they are behaving. Suddenly they flip it around on you so you’re the bad person and feel guilty for bringing it up in the first place.
They blame others so they don’t have to be responsible for their lives and their actions.
A narcissist will fail to see the role they played in a negative situation and will blame everyone else. This causes people around them to constantly walk on eggshells.
A narcissist will fail to see the role they played in a negative situation and will blame everyone else. This causes people around them to constantly walk on eggshells.
6. Gaslighting - A form of manipulation and emotional abuse. Narcissists create lies, falsely accuse others, spin the truth, and ultimately distort your reality.
Signs of gaslighting include:
•You feel like everything you do is wrong.
Signs of gaslighting include:
•You feel like everything you do is wrong.
•You always think it’s your fault when things go wrong.
•You’re apologizing often.
•You have a sense that something’s wrong, but aren’t able to identify what it is.
•You’re apologizing often.
•You have a sense that something’s wrong, but aren’t able to identify what it is.
7. Will try and control every conversation. They talk over people. They also tend to ignore what others say or only give superficial responses before steering the conversation back to their narrative.
8. Always needs praise and attention.
If others feel slighted in the process, so be it. The narcissist gets what they want.regardless of the cost to others. This includes praise.
Narcissists will get adoration and praise by charm if they can.
If others feel slighted in the process, so be it. The narcissist gets what they want.regardless of the cost to others. This includes praise.
Narcissists will get adoration and praise by charm if they can.
8. Frequently belittles, intimidates or bullies. They get jealous of people who have something they lack - confidence, popularity.
Their defense mechanism is to put people down, be dismissive or insult them. Use passive aggressive comments or bully them.
Their defense mechanism is to put people down, be dismissive or insult them. Use passive aggressive comments or bully them.
- I got called names every day and then was being too sensitive when I confronted him. He was & #39;only& #39; joking.
10. They fear abandonment.
However, they will break things off with people, out of the blue. They leave before they can be left.
That being said, these breakups, rarely last.
They needs their narcissistic supply in order to feel good.
However, they will break things off with people, out of the blue. They leave before they can be left.
That being said, these breakups, rarely last.
They needs their narcissistic supply in order to feel good.
To them, it makes sense to come back to someone they discarded.
They already have that person trained to give them the praise the narcissist requires.
They already have that person trained to give them the praise the narcissist requires.
The closer your relationship becomes, the less they will trust you.
Narcissists fear any true intimacy or vulnerability because they& #39;re afraid you& #39;ll see their imperfections and judge or reject them.
Narcissists fear any true intimacy or vulnerability because they& #39;re afraid you& #39;ll see their imperfections and judge or reject them.
Narcissists never seem to develop trust in the love of others, and they continually test you with worse and worse behaviors to try to find your breaking point.
Will try and punish you for something they wrongly believe you did.
My ex prior to my breaking up with him, ignored my phone calls and texts for 10 days because he wrongly assumed something about me without getting the facts first or even talking to me.
My ex prior to my breaking up with him, ignored my phone calls and texts for 10 days because he wrongly assumed something about me without getting the facts first or even talking to me.
12. Will never take responsibility or apologise. They deny their negative words and actions while continually accusing you of disapproving.
They also remember things as completely good and wonderful or as bad and horrible. They can& #39;t seem to mix these two constructs.
They also remember things as completely good and wonderful or as bad and horrible. They can& #39;t seem to mix these two constructs.
13. Shame - Buried in a deeply repressed part of the narcissist are all the insecurities, fears, and rejected traits that they are constantly on guard to hide from everyone, including themselves.
The narcissist is ashamed of all these rejected thoughts and feelings.
The narcissist is ashamed of all these rejected thoughts and feelings.
14. Can never be vulnerable - Because of their inability to understand feelings, their lack of empathy, and constant need for self-protection, narcissists can& #39;t truly love or connect emotionally with other people.
They cannot look at the world from anyone else& #39;s perspective.
This makes them emotionally needy. When one relationship is no longer satisfying, they often overlap relationships or start a new one as soon as possible.
This makes them emotionally needy. When one relationship is no longer satisfying, they often overlap relationships or start a new one as soon as possible.
An inability to communicate or work as part of a team
Thoughtful, cooperative behaviors require a real understanding of each other& #39;s feelings.
Don& #39;t expect the narcissist to understand your feelings, give in, or give up anything they want for your benefit. It& #39;s useless.
Thoughtful, cooperative behaviors require a real understanding of each other& #39;s feelings.
Don& #39;t expect the narcissist to understand your feelings, give in, or give up anything they want for your benefit. It& #39;s useless.
The will use you, and then discard you once you have no use for them.
They don’t like hearing ‘no’ they don’t understand boundaries.
My ex wanted me to take a loan out to help him, I was originally going to get a small loan to help with moving costs for myself.
I told him no I didn’t want to take a bigger loan out because I didn’t want
My ex wanted me to take a loan out to help him, I was originally going to get a small loan to help with moving costs for myself.
I told him no I didn’t want to take a bigger loan out because I didn’t want
to end up in debt and struggling to pay it off.
He got angry and said if I wanted to be apart of him and his daughter’s life and get married that it was a joint decision. He pressured me in to taking out that loan.
Took the bigger portion and had only paid me for 1/4 of it
He got angry and said if I wanted to be apart of him and his daughter’s life and get married that it was a joint decision. He pressured me in to taking out that loan.
Took the bigger portion and had only paid me for 1/4 of it
He stopped paying last January and I’ve not had a penny since.
He refuses to give me any more until I speak to him in person. ( another form of manipulation. I refuse to that, as I know he will try and get inside my mind and control me again)
He refuses to give me any more until I speak to him in person. ( another form of manipulation. I refuse to that, as I know he will try and get inside my mind and control me again)
Labels - One minute it’s a relationship, the next you’re engaged and then the week after you’re just friends. But you have all the factors of a relationship just so they can discard you quickly without the responsibility.
When I dumped my ex he had the audacity to ask to be fwb
When I dumped my ex he had the audacity to ask to be fwb
Just know that you experience any of this, in any kind of relationship, you are not alone. 
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