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As promised the story after the exams. #Thread So today’s story takes us to WITCHCRAFT WAKANDA, the place with the most powerful witches & wizards in Zambia if not the whole Southern Africa..yup you guessed it Luapula Province, the mfwitis here are OGs in the game.
I went here as a slightly more experienced lad & I heard the stories about this place so after North Western I wasn’t going to be caught by surprise again. I was ready for the penis snatchers & water people nothing would shock me anymore. Boy was I wrong
So anyway we get to Luapula & I am introduced to a place called Kwa Mununga or something like that. Here I found a market for Juju & these cats here had all sorts of charms, from things that could send & summon lighting for your enemies. I was tempted to hook this up because...
Anyway these lads also had facilities to astral project you to Tanzania for your business orders but the catch was that you can’t be gone too long because the longer you are in that state the faster your physical body degrades because it needs your spirit(I know, very weird)
So anyway I did the needful, net the chief & befriended the Headman Ba Shipwe Shipwe, this mandem enjoyed a good time & provided you are buying booze for him you are best friends. Now Ba Shipwe Shipwe introduced us to this island where Booze was cheap.
This island had booze from Congo which was fake but very very potent, & because there was a shrine on it once it’s night time utu Mbuma would show up & these lil niggas were what would happen if Tyrion & that Sangoma dude from Shaka had a baby. Short & very scary
So these tiny dudes were dangerous in that they were bringers of death, sickness & ill luck on whoever they run into at full speed. Ba Shipwe Shipwe told us provided we are with him they can’t harm us & when he isn’t around we just had to repeat a safety chant.
So 2 months of being here I get hooked up with some fit teacher lady & since we had just gotten paid I suggested we use our boat to the island. I assign someone to drive the boat in case we are too drunk. So we get to this island it’s Lit & we are doing the Chapwa Twafola dance.
This is my first date with Teacher bae so I am spitting game, unbeknownst to me she had another dude who was a fisherman there & she used to date Tilapia Aquaman but left him because he wasn’t very educated though this dude had money.
Anyway us we get lit & I am drunk, so me & my boys leave. Because we are lit I tell the guys if a Mbuma appears we will throw hands with it because we are tough men. What we forgot is that amongst us there was a short guy who was about 5’1” on a good day.
So because we left so quickly we forgot our own Mbuma, & since we were his ride to the mainland he came chasing after us. In my mind a ka Mbuma is coming for us, so I give orders to fight this ka Mbuma like we agreed. We stomped the poor man so bad he was on the ground like
We realize that this is our Mbuma & pick him up while saying sorry. So we leave the island & as soon as I enter the car I black out. I woke up the next morning & I see a text from teacher saying “You were sweet last night.” Now I don’t remember any of this because Halcohol.
I text her back like what do you mean? She’s like you don’t remember us making love last night? I am not sure what the hell happened after i got in the car so I am like yessir! King Kong ain’t got nothing on me! (I am still a virgin guys, sex before marriage is a sin.)
Now I don’t remember anything so I ask my guys like Yo did I go to bed with this woman, they are like no she was crying to go home so we left you in your room & then took her home. Am like so we didn’t meet anywhere for some extra curricular activities they are like NOPE!
So I call her up like exay I don’t think it was me you slept with, she is like no it was you. She goes like you came we did the did & then you left, so I am like did I run to you because I don’t remember driving or walking anywhere. So I am like nah this is not adding up.
I am confused so i go to Ba Shipwe Shipwe & tell him the story he is like ahhh that’s what happened I know who did it. 
I am like wait hold up? So you remember Tilapia Aquaman? This fool used some juju belt to sleep with someone using my likeness. Now am like that’s rape!
I am like wait hold up? So you remember Tilapia Aquaman? This fool used some juju belt to sleep with someone using my likeness. Now am like that’s rape!
I am like let’s go confront this fool & take him to the Police! Bruh the police straight up told us it’s a hard case to pursue because nothing can be proven. Teacher bae also asked not to pursue it because she still had some feelings for Tilapia Aquaman. I was ready to fight!
Guys that night I went to bed & at around 2 in the morning I feel cold & try to pull my blankets & they are not there so I wake up to look for them & I kid you not. I was in a field close to where my room was. That was me vowing to not anger those Juju Atlanteans again.
Like that wasn’t bad enough Ba Shipwe Shipwe brokered a peace deal between me & this Kapenta Merchant & Mandem apologized to both me & teacher bae & we both received 50 Kg bags of Kapenta each. I donated the whole bag because hmm guys. She forgave him & they dated again.
That was the first wild encounter those ends, the second one was where I decided to go to the island again without Ba Shipwe Shipwe because I honestly thought Mbumas are fake & it’s just a story Ba Ships told us so we shouldn’t be leaving him for dopes.
So anyway Ine Fopo pa island heading toward the Boat to take me home & I hear a screeching sound, it’s like something is running towards me I look ahead & all the alcohol disappeared from my head. This little thing about 60 cm tall is running towards me.
Now I have two options, either I start crying & pleading or I just get ready for the worst. I remembered the chant & this ka thing stops right in front of me, about 10 meters away (it’s short & has no recognizable face) It’s tense & I am about to pee my pants
So I keep chanting & this little thing runs to the right so fast & then disappears. Guys I run so fast i think I broke Usain Bolt’s record that night, I got on the boat & vowed to never go to the island, also that was me quitting alcohol. Till next time..Ba Luapula you are tough!
