This has struck a chord with many, but some people can't resist saying 'Maybe if you hate your friends so much you should get different friends.'

So in the spirit of practising compassion towards people who don't understand, here's what you need to know if this seems baffling. https://twitter.com/_katherine_may_/status/1380140671764475911

For many people who are neurodivergent, shy, introverted or just like peace & quiet, some aspects of social life can be hard - particularly those involving lots of people.

We often prefer to meet in small groups or pairs, and find it difficult to enjoy parties.

I thought @NigelSlater expressed that really well in his @howtofailpod interview btw if you fancy hearing a live example - he said he loves his friends and doesn't want to share them. Fair enough!

For people with variable mental health like anxiety or depression, or physical issues that flare up or leave them exhausted, social events can sometimes seem very unappealing, or can cause huge worry in the run-up.

Beause we don't have a social convention that allows us to just say we don't want to accept an invitation, we often make up excuses because a 'no thanks' would be seen as rude, or agree to come even though it will come at huge cost.

And by 'cost' I mean nights of lost sleep, spikes in anxiety, organisational worries about how to manage caring duties or physical symptoms. It's not just 'oh I don't fancy it.'

Not wanting to attend a specific event is not the same as not liking the person who invited you. It's about not being comfortable in that context.

All your friends will be different. The question is, do you care about whether they feel happy and comfortable when they socialise with you? That's a serious consideration. Because if you do, then you need to open up the opportunity for them to say 'no thanks' without prejudice.

That's all. It's not an insult - and in fact, many quiet folk will do all kinds of things to avoid you feeling insulted, even if that means they're struggling. But if you really want to show love to us, then you should consider adapting to different ways of being together.

Otherwise, frankly, your friendship is a one-way street.

Personally, I'm quite happy to lose friends who don't want to socialise in a way that I can feel happy with, but not everyone feels confident enough to walk away.

So there's the compassionate explanation, just in case you genuinely didn't understand - as opposed to, say, just seeking out an opportunity to be an asshole ;)

While I'm on the topic - parties look like great fun for the people who enjoy them. I don't think any of us resent you guys having your parties. We just don't want to be there ourselves. Most of us learned that the hard way after being miserable at many, many parties.

My own dear H is a part-time DJ and loves being in noisy clubs. He's decided to go out dancing on the eve of his 50th birthday without me, because that's where he's in his element. I'm staying home. We're both delighted with this arrangement.