Finding myself somewhat nervous about the end of lockdown, in a number of ways. Firstly, it'll be rushed, it'll be botched, and I'n not clear how we avoid deaths rising again, more with long-covid, all those things. But there's a personal element too...

I've done my best to be supportive of long term friends during lockdown. Set things up online. Made myself available. And I haven't needed much support in return really.

And thats as it should be, I think. But just a couple of things from just a couple of folk in one friend group... Just some absolute savage nastiness aimed at me... And everyone else seemed fine with it, that. I expressed unhappiness with it all...

...and no one cared. Soon there'll no doubt be invites for 'yaay lets all meet up' stuff and, well, no. I can't. Not with that group. It ain't happening. From where I'm sitting no one cared about me. So... Thats not happening, at least I'm not doing it.

Three little incidents. But I'm left thinking a whole friend group has no respect for me or my feelings at all. So... I dunno. Maybe this is lockdown getting to me at last. I don't think so though, the rational part of me keeps dissecting this and can't see another conclusion...

And the end of lockdown either come me excising that group from my life or in abject misery exposing myself to folk whose presence will make me miserable beyond words. And I'm under no illusions - I'll be viewed as the bad guy here.

Started severing said links. Not sure those involved realise or care.

Well this is going predictably badly.

So from the responses from that group... Apparently ponting out when there were problems wasn't enough. And saying I was offended or hurt wasn't enough. And I don't know what else to say. If that wasn't enough for a friend to reach out? I mean, what the fuck do you say to that?

Yeah, one of them did say they had my back on one of these occasions but I was sworn to secrecy in case others there found out. Oh fuck this is just a fucking abusive friend circle.

And its just so fucking upsetting people who are meant to be firends acting all surprised when you've fucking told them when they were doing things that were upsetting.

Done being upset. I refuse. Now I'm going to be angry.

Update: Wobbled back into upset and now wobbling back into angry. I prefer it.

Update. I might yet come out of this not completely ostracised, and its possible at least someone might get it. Being upset is exhausting.