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TW // Suicide
It& #39;s been a year since I tried to kill myself (technically it& #39;s the 10th but I did it on a Friday so I& #39;m writing this today). I don& #39;t know where I stand on if things have overall improved or not.
It& #39;s been a year since I tried to kill myself (technically it& #39;s the 10th but I did it on a Friday so I& #39;m writing this today). I don& #39;t know where I stand on if things have overall improved or not.
I still feel like shit, I still hate myself immensely, there are things I did that I torture myself about daily, and I still think awful thoughts about myself and think about suicide often. I don& #39;t feel very optimistically about myself, my future, or the world.
It also doesn& #39;t really help I& #39;ve been threatened with outpatient therapy because I& #39;m such an unproductive and broken incomplete human being.
I& #39;ve done so little to move my life forward or improve myself in the last year, hell, the last 6.
I& #39;ve done so little to move my life forward or improve myself in the last year, hell, the last 6.
And I know it& #39;s me, because I haven& #39;t been able to make myself think or act differently and continue this spiral. Running around in the same circle, chasing my tail, while the world passes around me and I fade with time.
Still, I& #39;m very grateful for the people I met and the friends I& #39;ve made the last year. Even though I don& #39;t always think I deserve them, or make myself think they hate me and I get on their nerves.
But I do ultimately love and appreciate them. Even those I haven& #39;t gotten to know very well.
I don& #39;t know how to end this thread lol.
I guess I want to make a difference. But it hasn& #39;t stuck every time I& #39;ve tried so far, and I despise the person I became. But I don& #39;t want to sit around and watch everything crumble around me as I run out of chances.
I guess I want to make a difference. But it hasn& #39;t stuck every time I& #39;ve tried so far, and I despise the person I became. But I don& #39;t want to sit around and watch everything crumble around me as I run out of chances.
So, uh, thanks, I guess. To everyone. I& #39;ll try not to fuck everything up like usual. But no promises.
