There’s a lot of flirting, being myself, voicing boundaries, etc. that feels easy now.

Theoretically, past me could have said them.

But the thing is https://twitter.com/askyatharth/status/1377824552563044357

The thing is those strategies were literally unsafe for me to do before, because I wouldn’t have known what to do if they went wrong. https://twitter.com/askyatharth/status/1338213675811938304

It’s precisely my ability to be with the possibility they could go wrong [and not blank out], that makes saying those things feel more available now.

I trust myself to not freeze, or not feel too bad, or to patch up.

Before, it was unfamiliar relational territory.

(Unfamiliar action space or or risky Markov blanket territory in cybernetic terms.)

I really couldn’t “just do it” before.

There really is a meaningful difference between me now and me then that makes it way easier to say those things now.

I could done it before before, but it wouldn’t be a matter of “just.” It would be much scarier. https://twitter.com/askyatharth/status/1380386984460488705

Sometimes it’s worth “just” doing it, and sometimes, what needs to happen is to

1. recognise this harmful idea of “just do it.”
2. notice it’s PREDICATED on this false and confused assumption you should just be able to do the thing without issues.

3. recognise how silly that assumption is and in fact, there is a coherent danger your system is detecting, whether or not the risk is “real,” the alarm of it is.
4. by noticing (3), hopefully not feel so much expectation error at being able to “just do it.”

5. maybe actually do it, now that you know it’s supposed to be scary, and it’s not unexpected to feel scared this way.

Better version of this thread right here: https://twitter.com/askyatharth/status/1380386984460488705