Today (as every day) is a good day to #SayNoToABA

I never was in ABA therapy, but here's a secret:
Internalized ableism and telling yourself you should be able to "deal with it" is pretty dang similar.

I thought I could will my hyperacusis away.
I ABA'ed myself.

A thread 1/20

I thought if I could "just deal with it" or "just learn to ignore it" that I could be "normal."

I knew early that complaining about sound didn't work - I was dismissed when I talked about it. So I stopped talking about it pretty fast & I didn't dare talk about it at school 2/20

At the same time, I thought that the people around me also had the same pain with loud sounds that I did and "just dealt with it" so therefore I should have to, too. I wondered all the time how they did it, and how they never turned their head to a new sound. 3/20

This is a problem when no one teaches children that people's brains can be different and experience things differently. I thought I was just "weak" or "too sensitive" or "annoying" or "difficult."

Turns out I'm pretty darn used to certain types of pain more than others. 4/20

I thought about closing my ears a lot when I heard a loud sound but the consequences of holding my ears in a mainstream classroom was too much. I knew better than to want those consequences - I was already "weird enough." And I certainly shouldn't do it in band. 5/20

Sometimes I would listen to music in my headphones and turn it up louder, to an uncomfortable level, just to see if I would "habituate" to it since everyone told me it's "not that loud." I would cause myself pain because I thought if I just dealt with it I could "fix" it 6/20

I'd try not to flinch or grimace when a really loud noise happened outside, or when my mom emptied the dishwasher, or when everyone started shouting at the table. But I tried not to flinch the most at school right before the bell went off.

I trained -myself- to do that. 7/20

No, I wasn't using rewards to hide my distress, but it's the same goal as ABA, isn't it?

Act like a "normal" child, like the other kids, don't make a fuss.

I trained myself really well. I even almost never asked questions because I knew they'd be misinterpreted. 8/20

I'd sit in class anxiously thinking "What is this assignment actually about? I don't understand what they want from me" and yet look completely content and "competent" while deathly afraid I was missing something on the assignment. 9/20

And it "worked." I was successful in training myself to act neurotypical, to not flinch, to not turn my head, to not say "ow" when it hurt.

A parent would look at a kid like me, if I had gone through ABA, and think "Wow it really worked!! They're so rule following!" 10/20

Here are things I didn't learn from doing that to myself:

How to self-advocate.
How to ask for things I need and/or want.
How to feel like you're allowed to have an opinion.
How to accommodate my sensory needs.
How to have high self-esteem.
How to care about my well-being. 11/20

And guess what, ABA endorsers?
After all of that "training" I gave myself?
I was still bullied in junior high school! By a girl a grade above me, relentlessly!

None of that training on social skills stuff that I tried to learn so hard helped me one ounce. You know why? 12/20

Because no matter how hard you mask or try to come close to being neurotypical, other people will see right through that and will see that you're different. Autistic people are - guess what - autistic! And we can't get around that even if I was undiagnosed growing up. 13/20

So now I felt like a broken kid who couldn't "be a person" very well, felt useless, AND was bullied for being different! All at the same time!

So how does training to "look NT" or "fit in" help again? Cause I've tried for over 20 years & it certainly hasn't helped 14/20

So I had passive suicidal thoughts all year because of bullying, literally didn't talk at school, wrote angsty poetry, played the cello a lot, & had two other "weird" friends to keep me company at school.

THAT'S what got me through it.

Not pretending to be who I wasn't. 15/20

I know I had a very different experience growing up as an undiagnosed autistic person than the autistic people who actually went through ABA. 16/20

But the goal of ABA is for autistic kids to "seem normal"

& growing up thinking I was neurotypical, I got sent the same message - that I need to "be normal."

& I tried my damndest to do that -
All it did was give me worse mental health problems & neglect my needs. 17/20

I was my own bully before I was ever bullied. I told myself I was weak - Why can't I just do what other people do? Why is it not easy for me? Why am I broken? Why are you so bad at this, everyone's saying it's easy! Why can't you just deal with it? Why can't you be polite? 18/20

Fun fact - bullying yourself to prepare you for being bullied in the future doesn't work. It's almost as if maybe being nice to yourself, learning to self-advocate, building up your confidence and self-esteem, and remembering that -brains are different-

would've helped. 19/20

If you can't find the link between what I did to myself and what ABA therapists do to autistic children,

then you're probably haven't experienced either.

And if you're not autistic, you need to listen to us.

#SayNoToABA

"Alternatives":

20/20 https://autisticscienceperson.com/2021/01/05/a-guide-to-understanding-your-autistic-child/

#ActuallyAutistic
#AutismAcceptanceMonth

Your parents don't have to be mean to you or treat you poorly to grow up this way.

When you know you are different, and when you think you can "change" it to get the optimal outcome in life,

it's easy to think it's worth it to do so, all on your own. https://twitter.com/AutSciPerson/status/1377852663514202112?s=20

You might read both the quoted thread above & this one, & it'll sound like you're reading about 2 different people.

But that's not true.

In this world, parents can be super supportive and autistic kids will still grow up with emotional scars because that's how the world works.

So do you want your kid to have some rough times growing up, but somewhat of a safe haven at home where they can be themself?

Or do you want them to feel like they can't be themself outside in the world -and also in their own home and family?

If you want the 1st - #SayNoToABA