[ a losing game ]
#bkdk

Halfway through his second year in highschool, Izuku was whisked away in some old town when his mom who works as a doctor got assigned to a new hospital as a director.

It was a huge opportunity she can't pass up and Izuku knew that.

Yet it didn't take away the fact that he would have rather stayed at their old place. He never had a good childhood, kids would always turn to push down someone to make them feel better about themselves, he was the unlucky one bestowed to be the one being pushed around.

It continued until he was in middle school. It only stopped when somehow his bullies got involve in some huge fight resulting to an expulsion.

Before highschool, Izuku finally realized that he had to help himself to change t
He course of his fate because as much as he wanted —

— to, no hero, no All Might will come to save the day. He was the one who had to save himself.

So he changed things.

He read every possible self help he sees online. He woke up to exercise, eat better, practice on his confidence, change his clothing game.

Everyday, he'd look at the mirror and tell himself.

"You have to be happy because no one likes a sad boy." He will pull a small smile then stretch it more, make it bigger. Practice to make it more natural, more approachable. A whole lot friendlier.

"You have to be confident, fake it even when you don't have it." He'll puff his chest. "Not too much confidence that it becomes arrogance. Just enough that it will be a charm." The greenette would then practice social cues, work hard to shake off his nerves.

On his first day in highschool armed with the right kind of smile, a practiced confidence, and his small rules jotted in a small notebook he carries in his bag, Izuku's life changed.

He was no longer pushed down, he had friends. His life, for once is bearable.

And just when everything was going well, his mother talked to him about moving away. He wanted to say no, tell her that for once his life was better yet the thought of how this woman who he loved so much, sacrifice a lot of things of him made him nod in agreement.

The next thing he knew, he was now in a new town, in a new house, and now he's standing in front of his new class.

With his practiced smile, he bowed down introducing himself. His classmates welcomed him, girls gushed about him and his freckles and dimples.

The guys talked about wanting to be his friend. And Izuku thought, it wasn't too bad.

"Take your seat at the back." His homeroom teacher said. With a nod Izuku darted on the back most seat, settling in it.

When he sat down his classmates started whispering.

Some of them began laughing softly while eyeing him.

Izuku frowned, checking the seat, worried that maybe someone pulled a prank on him. His anxiety spiked up more when he found nothing unusual until the door of the classroom opened.

Green eyes flew to the blond who just walked inside the classroom. The homeroom teacher just looked at the guy, sighed, and didn't bother saying anything.

The whole class had gone uncharacteristically quiet while the guy walk towards the empty seat in front of Izuku.

Yet instead of him sitting down, he glared at Izuku, kicking his table that it made Izuku almost jump in shock.

"That's my seat, asshole." The guy growled, eyes so sharp that he knew he'll die on the spot if looks could kill.

"I'm sorry," Izuku smiled in apology.

The guy kicked the table again, "Stop looking like and idiot and scram."

Izuku quickly pressed his lips on a thin line, pulling his things and occupying the empty seat in front of him.

The blond clicked his tongue before tossing his bag on his desk, finally sitting down.

Izuku tried to calm himself down, looking around at his new classmates whom some were whispering, others still giving him an amused look and mostly didn't care.

He tried hard to push away what happened yet he was left the entire time stewing at the thoughts he fucked up.

First impression lasts, he remembered the exact words sitting in his small notebook of rules he followed religiously but now the first impression was tainted with a small mistake.

Izuku tried to calm himself down by obsessively writing down everything their teacher wrote.

He was only able to calm down when lunch came and a girl named Ochako and their class representative, Tenya approached him asking if he wanted to eat together. Izuku happily took their offer.

"Hope you didn't mind what happened with Bakugou earlier." Ochako smiled at him.

So that was his name.

"Nope, I'm good. It's my fault anyway," Izuku quickly quipped.

/Always accept apologies, learn to let things slide even when it hurts./

That's right what was he worried about, he got his small notebook to guide him to this new school.

In no time, he will have a better life here. Tons of friends. He won't be alone. Won't be the weird one.

The kid that is pushed down.

"Good," Ochako. "Sorry, I kind of feel bad for not quickly telling you that it was his seat."

"I also would like to apologize in behalf of —

— the whole class." Tenya followed up.

Izuku let out a soft laugh, "It's fine." He then shrugged while they move in line to purchase lunch. "I don't really mind." Smile, he told himself. He has to smile even when he was upset. Even when he was shaken. Even when he's nervous.

They began asking him things which he happily indulged, trying so hard to distract himself from any other thoughts he's having.

Luckily, the lunch in his new school is much better than his old ones. While eating, he roamed his eyes around tracking his classmates.

It had been a bad habit, observing everyone around him so he'll know how to deal with them. How to engage in a conversation. To win their approval.

"Bakugou-kun is not here?" He blurted out.

"Oh, he doesn't eat in the cafeteria," Ochako stated matter-of-factly.

"He ate somewhere else with his friends?" Izuku carefully asked.

Ochako shook her head lightly, "He doesn't have friends. Doesn't hang out with anyone."

The greenette nodded at what he heard. "Why?" He tried not to sound as curious as possible.

"He just doesn't." The lady shrugged. "Bakugou, doesn't bother with anyone, he likes being by himself because he's 'way above' than the rest." She ended with a roll of eyes.

Okay, Izuku dissected every word she said in order to understand the blond more.

As Ochako and Tenya, occasionally, tell him things about Bakugou Katsuki, Izuku came to a conclusion that for a peaceful rest of high school he should avoid Katsuki.

He was exactly the kind of guy Izuku hated.

Arrogant, troublemaker, and overall no good.

If he wanted a peaceful life, he would just have to avoid him and for sure nothing will go wrong.

So, that's what he did. He'd avoid Katsuki like plague and it wasn't exactly hard considering the guy doesn't like people as well and would always skip school.

In a week, he would be out of school at least twice or thrice. When he asked Ochako about it she doesn't have any concrete answer.

"I heard he's just hanging out with gangs, smoking or drinking somewhere." One of his classmates said. "I am not really surprised."

"Why are you so curious about Bakugou?" Ochako asked while they were walking their way to the gymnasium.

"I am not curious." Izuku playfully nudged her shoulder which she returned. "Admittedly, it's a little strange for him to be late, skip class, and our teachers just let it."

"Hmm," Ochako crossed her arms over her chest. "I mean, he always does it the teachers are tired reprimanding him."

"It's a surprise he hasn't been expelled for it?"

They entered the gymnasium with Ochako chuckling, "How would he? He's the only son of the school's director."

"Oh," Izuku gave slow nods. "That makes sense."

"He's family is well off. They're famous in this town for being well off." The lady smiled. "If he wasn't so angry all the time, I am sure ladies will flock him but he's so grumpy."

Izuku laughed at that.

Somehow the thought of his old neighbor's chihuahua came into his mind. The little thing was always so angry and ready to lash out as if it wasn't so easy to toss him across the city.

The gym class went well however Izuku had to leave in the middle when his teacher asked him —

— to go to the faculty room because he left his record book. He easily complied, walking his way to the faculty room.

On his way he saw Katsuki walking his way to their classroom when a lady caught up to him, wrapping her arm around his. Izuku froze on his spot.

"Let go of me," he playfully pushed the lady's face away. Izuku held his breath at the gesture yet seeing as how the lady just laughed, he knew that Katsuki didn't put force in what he did.

He felt like he was invading something private yet he can't seem to move.

Mesmerized at the way, Katsuki talked to this girl. He looked relaxed, he even let out a small smile. He was only in that school for a month but Izuku knew how it's impossible to make the guy smile. As Ochako would put it, he's eternally angry.

The other student pulled away from Katsuki, waving her hand goodbye and that's the only time, Izuku noticed that she was a senior student.

Of course, Katsuki had no patience, he'd absolutely go for someone older yet what surprised him is that the guy who seemed to hate —

— every single human in the world would actually have someone.

Somehow that information was hard to digest for Izuku. He stood there dazed for ten minutes until he remembered his task and hurriedly went to the faculty room.

He was reprimanded when he got back.

Yet his mind could only think of what he saw. Of the soft smile that ghosted the blond's lips. Those soft looks in his eyes and how his perpetually tensed posture relaxed.

It doesn't leave his mind for a long time even as he slept that night.

To get that kind of affection from Bakugou Katsuki, Izuku wondered what should one do? And how does it feel?

How does it feel that this one person whom people both like and hated not only tolerates you but likes you?

Izuku craved for the answer while he dreamed of red eyes.

When he woke up, he prepared food for him and his mother. Before he left for school he stared at himself at the mirror.

Maybe he needed some haircut? He had always kept it the same style.

Would Katsuki notice it?

Izuku halted at the thought, quickly pushing it away.

Grabbing his bag, he bade goodbye to his mother who just woke up and now eating breakfast.

Walking his way to school, he kept touching strands of his green curls, lost in thoughts.

Maybe he should really cut his hair.

Pulling the small book from his bag, he read it again.

He wondered, staring at his handwriting, if he made Katsuki like him then there's no way other people won't like him right?

If this person who just hated everyone liked him, then he's sure everyone will like him.

Biting his lips, he stuffed the notebook on his pocket.

Millions of thoughts raced in his mind, ideas were thrown back and forth until he arrived at their classroom.

He wasn't sure if Katsuki will be absent or will be simply late. He does hope he wasn't absent, he'd like to observe him and take few notes.

Yet as the class piled inside, they began talking about rumors that revolved around Katsuki on how he was involve in a fight yesterday.

"He sent someone to the hospital." His classmate whispered. "Again."

"What's new? All he knew is violence. His own parents gave up on him."

"Didn't he stab someone when he was in sixth grade? He only got away with it because his parents paid the police."

The girl in front of him shook her head lightly. "Heard he's in a relationship with someone older. He probably hit them as well when they argue."

Izuku felt his heart lurched to his throat, his skin somehow hummed at what he was hearing. There was a part of him that knew that it was a lie, thinking of what he saw yesterday.

"There's no way he doesn't with that kind of temperament." The girl next to her nodded.

The door slid open, revealing Katsuki with bandage on his arm, patches on his cheek. The whispers quickly died down. The classroom was filled with eerie silence.

The guy just walked his way to his desk, slumping on his seat, he quickly buried his face over his folded arms.

Slowly, the noise and the whispering came back but this time they were talking about something different like they weren't talking badly about the guy before he arrived.

The conversation continued through the chats and during lunch when Katsuki wasn't near to hear.

Izuku had been uneasy about the whole thing since the morning yet whenever Ochako asked him to talk about Katsuki, he would end up agreeing to what they say. Too afraid that him disagreeing would be used against him.

/Go with the flow./ His small notebook said.

He can't defy the majority if he does, they will turn to him and find it as a way to alienate him whether he had a point or none. Going against what the public says is right is just a bad idea.

Although, he just hurriedly ate, excusing himself to look for Katsuki.

He went back to their classroom telling his friends he needed to finish something that he forgot.

Usually, the whole class leaves their room because of Katsuki so Izuku knew he will be alone there.

What he didn't expect was to see the guy sitting on his table.

In his hands, he was holding a familiar small notebook. Izuku felt his heart dropped to his stomach, he quickly patted his pocket for the notebook. And when he felt nothing, he paled.

The blond looked at him, brow raised up. "You're one pathetic pushover, aren't you?"

"/Number one, always smile because no one likes a sad boy/, " Katsuki read out loud. Izuku felt every blood in his went to his face before draining away.

"/Number two, be confident but not too confident to the point of arrogance, just enough for it to be a charm/.”

Katsuki snorted.

Izuku quickly rush to him to get back his notebook but the guy just dodge him then finally pushed him away. He read more of the reminders in his small notebook until he reached on the lastest page, something Izuku just wrote when he woke up.

"You're one creepy shit." Katsuki laughed, tossing the notebook back to him. The greenette fumbled to catch the small thing yet it slipped off his hold, sliding on the floor. Izuku quickly pick it up, tucking it inside his pocket, embarrassed.

"/How do I make Bakugou Katsuki to like me?/” Katsuki voiced out the what was written on the last page of his notebook.

"How much fucking validation do you need?" The blond coldly asked. "Are you that starved?" Izuku kept his mouth closed, choosing not to answer.

"Why the fuck do you even fucking need the approval of these people who will not be in your life in the next two years?" Izuku felt something at the back of his throat burn.

"Shut up." His voice was low, shaky even.

"What the fuck did you say?" Katsuki glared at him.

"Shut up because you know nothing!" Izuku shouted at him. "You don't know how long it took me to reach to this point! On what happened to me!"

Katsuki kept his glare on him. "You're right and I am not fucking interested."

But Izuku couldn't stop talking.

"You don't know how hard it is not to be liked by everyone!" It was too late when he realized what he said. He swallowed hard, looking at Katsuki who kept his expression the same.

"I'm pretty damn sure that people don't like me, Deku."

Izuku felt bad. He felt terrible.

Katsuki's lips stretch on an arrogant smirk, "And I can fucking assure you that I don't give a damn if they don't."

Izuku felt shame burned in him yet he wasn't sure what it was during that time.

"I don't need these extras to dictate my fucking worth." Izuku's chest hurts.

"My worth doesn't rely on whether they like me or not," he added.

His fists clenched tightly, his dull nails digging on his flesh. "We're different."

"Thank god." Katsuki rolled his eyes.

"I'm different. I don't have your confidence... I am not like you." Izuku choked.

Katsuki sighed, shaking his head lightly. Standing up, he walked back to his own seat. "Because I am awesome, I'll indulge you." The blond gave him a bored look.

Izuku quickly wipe the welled up tears at the corner of his eyes. "Huh?"

"I'll play your little game."

"My game?"

"Yes, idiot." Katsuki clicked his tongue. "I'll give you six months. We'll date in those months and your goal is to make me genuinely like you."

Izuku felt his brain stuttered at that. Blinking, he softly asked, "Can you repeat that?"

The blond rolled his eyes, "I am not repeating shit. This is what you want right? I am dating you, all you have to do is just make me /really/ like you."

"Date?" Izuku muttered. "I just want you to like me... Not necessarily to date you."

Silence.

"Like as in friends or even best friends." Izuku added, voice careful.

Another silence.

It was painfully awkward so Izuku cleared his throat.

"Do you wanna fucking do it or not?" Katsuki scowled at him.

"I m-mean, I don't know what's happening anymore."

Katsuki buried his face over his palm. He gave an exhausted sigh.

"A-are you even gay cause I mean, I am a guy." Izuku quickly tried to save the situation.

"I don't fucking care of whatever genetalia you have between your legs or anyone's legs."

"Oh okay. Cool." Izuku awkwardly said.

"Goddammit, do you want to do this or not?" Katsuki glared at him. He looked so menacing that Izuku won't be surprised if he just lurch to him and rip his limbs off.

"All I have to do is make you genuinely like me right?"

"Yes, sherlock." The sarcasm was dripping.

"Okay. I'll do it." Izuku wasn't sure if he agreed because he was ultimately pressured by Katsuki's leaking dark aura or if he really want Katsuki to like him.

"Thank fuck cause i feel like i am losing braincells."

Well, was it his fault that Katsuki misunderstood his intention? He just wanted him to like him but not necessarily in a romantic way.

"Are you going to tell me if you like me already?" Izuku meekly asked.

"Yes, I will."

"Okay." He began thinking of the possibilities.

Izuku then pulled his phone out, handing it over to Katsuki. "Please give me your number."

The blond snatched his phone away, dialing his own number.

"I'll be honest, I don't know how this works." Izuku scratch the back of his head.

"Google it or something."

Izuku just looked at him like he had grown two heads.

"Hey, idiot, you're supposed to make me like you not receive love lessons." Katsuki scowled.

"Ah, yeah." Izuku blushed then aa thought crossed his mind. "What do I get if I made you like me?"

"Nothing," Katsuki smirked. "Cause I won't like you. Not now. Not ever."

Izuku frowned if he won't like him then why were they doing the whole thing in the first place?

"You are playing a losing game." The blond added, he wanted to argue but their classmates arrived.

Izuku had to sit down. His friends walked towards him asking if he was able to finish what he had to do. Smiling he assured them that he did.

The class went on like usual. When the dismissal came, Katsuki just stood up, without a word or a single look, left.

For the next two days, the guy didn't come to school. Izuku felt like he was played by him. He thought that maybe the guy was just pranking him or something.

To be fair, he did try to type message for him only to delete them and retype again. In the end he sent him nothing.

Friday night, he was lying on his bed scrolling through his social media when he thought of messaging Katsuki because since their talk, he never saw the guy. Like usual, the class talked about what he was doing.

Maybe he's on another fight. Drinking alcohol. Doing drugs.

When it comes to Katsuki, it was so easy for them to throw all these accusations especially the guy doesn't have a single desire to correct them.

He was in the middle of typing his long message that was just essentially asking him of how he was and how he missed a lot.

When he accidentally pressed the sent in the middle of typing because he got surprised when his mom suddenly called him asking for something.

Getting back on his bed to continue his message, he was instead welcomed by a message from the blond.

Bakugou Katsuki
[ Thought you're dead already. You suck at this. ]

Izuku pouted. Another message came.

Bakugou Katsuki
[ And for fuck sake, Deku, this is text not email. ]

He burned red at that

[ I tried to message you i just don't know what to say ಥ‿ಥ ]

Bakugou Katsuki
[ Like I said, you're fucking bad at this ]

Izuku quickly replied and without noticing it they were messaging each other for two hours already.

[ I can lend you notes and give you our homework. ]

Bakugou Katsuki
[ It's fine. It doesn't matter. ]

[ You might have a hard time graduating. ]

Bakugou Katsuki
[ I can graduate with my eyes closed. Don't worry about me, worry about yourself. ]

They continue to talk for another hour.

Bakugou Katsuki
[ I'm sleeping, dumbass. Bye. ]

[ Okay goodnight, Bakugou-kun. Sleep well ✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧ ]

Izuku wasn't really expecting a reply but Katsuki sent another message.

Bakugou Katsuki
[ Do you really call your boyfriend like that? ]

Oh.

The greenette felt like he needed some time to let that sink in.

What in the world was he doing? Why did it end up like this?

Yes, he wondered how it will be like to be liked by Katsuki, to be in the orbit of this person but he didn't really think he'd be able to get his attention or that he'll be in this weird arrangement with him.

Clearly the guy is using him for some entertainment.

[ Katsuki-kun? ]

Bakugou Katsuki
[ Don't care. Sleep, Deku. ]

[ It's Izuku. I-zu-ku. ]

Bakugou Katsuki
[ Same fucking shit. Stop texting me. ]

Izuku made a face. This guy just go from one point to another in seconds.

[ Okay, sleep well, Katsuki-kun ]

He waited for ten minutes but no message came. Izuku closed his eyes trying to sleep yet he can't seem to catch slumber so he stayed up reading about being a relationship.

Clearly, he needed to rethink his life and choices but —

— was there really harm in doing this? He doesn't think so.

Pulling his small notebook, he began writing things down. At 4 in the morning he was finally ready to sleep.

He dreamt of Katsuki and the senior student and the way Katsuki looked at her and even smiled.

Shit, that was the first thing he thought when he woke up. Why did he agreed to this when the guy was in a relationship with someone else.

Something logical in his brain told him that maybe they're not in a relationship and he just assumed it because of how close they look.

There could be truth in that, but also Izuku was an anxious individual that needed validation and some assurance every now and then so he waited until after lunch to message Katsuki about it.

[ I... I actually saw you with your girlfriend last time. ]

Bakugou Katsuki
[ Girlfriend? ]

Izuku bit his nails, he probably should have gone in a much better way than this.

[ Yeah, you have one last time right? ]

Bakugou Katsuki
[ You do understand how ridiculous this sounded right? Why the fuck would I do this if I have one? ]

Izuku let out a long sigh of relief, weirdly taking a screenshot of Katsuki's message so he could look at it whenever.

Bakugou Katsuki
[ Damn it, you just wanted me to assure you, didn't you? ]

[ ... A little. It's not that bad to assure someone. ]

He didn't reply to that.

Katsuki didn't message him for the rest of the weekend even when Izuku tried to send him bunch of things he thinks Katsuki will find interest in. It was hard to do so, especially when he realized he doesn't know him at all and only knew him base on the rumors he got.

On Monday, Izuku excitedly went to school hoping Katsuki would be at school. He sent him a message for good measure but the guy didn't reply.

He settled on his seat after greeting his classmates with a smile. A smile he somehow didn't force because he's just excited.

Like always they began to talk about a lot of things, slowly the conversation went to Katsuki and new rumors about him.

Izuku was never really fond whenever they talk about someone especially if nothing was confirm but for some reason the whole thing tasted more bitter.

When Katsuki arrived, the conversations were hushed while Izuku suddenly became hyper aware of things. No one greets Katsuki nor looked at him. They all pretend like he doesn't exist when they can't get him off their mouths.

He felt bad and guilty.

The blond slumped on his seat, face on his desk probably to nap. Izuku wanted to turn around so bad and greet him.

His phone beeped.

Bakugou Katsuki
[ Why the fuck do you look like a kicked puppy? ]

Izuku smiled at that.

[ I'm sorry. ]

Bakugou Katsuki
[ ????? ]

A small sigh, Izuku pressed his face against the table, facing the window.

[ For talking bad about you. For listening and almost believing rumors about you. ]

He sent another message.

[ I'm really sorry. ]

Izuku heard him snort behind him.

Bakugou Katsuki
[ They could be telling the truth, idiot. Stop apologizing. ]

Another message came.

Bakugou Katsuki
[ Rule number 5: Go with the flow ]

Izuku made a face.

[ How did you even remember that? ]

Bakugou Katsuki
[ Cause i'm awesome. ]

The greenette laughed softly at that making some of their classmate looked at him. He quickly send that he just saw something funny on twitter.

[ How much do you remember? ]

Bakugou Katsuki
[ All of it. Can message you all of it but I am too lazy. ]

Their homeroom teacher came, starting the discussion for an upcoming 3 day field trip. Izuku barely focused to busy exchanging banters with Katsuki through text message.

"This year, we'll be going to Izumo via Sunrise Express. You'll have simple seating however if you wish to —

— get a private room or a bigger one to share with friends, please quickly indicate or tell me so we can make the reservation." The whole class began to lit up at that. Each students burst in conversation with one another.

Excited for what's coming.

Their homeroom teacher began distributing the kit and form that they needed to fill out.

Sunrise Express is one of the overnight trains that would travel nonstop so when you wake up you'll be in your destination.

It was the topic of conversation even during lunchtime.

"The whole class will be going! I am so excited." Ochako nearly shrieked. "Well, except for one."

Even without her saying the name he knew who she was referring yet he pushed her to talk, "Except for one?"

"As you can guess, it's Bakugou. He never join in activities like this"

"Do you know why?"

Ochako shook her head, "It's for the better." She sipped on her peach juice. "I don't know what trouble he'll do."

That statement made Izuku upset. More than he thought.

Pulling his phone, he messaged the blond.

[ You'll join the trip right? ]

Izuku waited for the reply but nothing came. Impatient, he excused himself making poor reasons as he jogged to the classroom.

Katsuki was eating alone when he got there.

"You'll be in the trip, right?"

His answer came in an instant. "No."

"Why?" He pouted childishly.

"Just no." Katsuki said, ready to drop the topic.

Izuku frowned, "Can you at least tell me why?"

The blond rolled his eyes. "No."

Pressing his lips on a thin line, he nodded firmly noting how he'd ask him again why.

Only Izuku found out why on his own that day.

.
.
.
.
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( tbc? )
I can barely keep my eyes open. Imma finish this later. Yes. I will make sure i will.

Love,
Zuki ♡ http://ko-fi.com/damareizuki