I'm going to talk abt writing & #ADHD.

A couple of days ago, @ADHDdesigner wrote a great thread abt consistency & I started talking with them, @dreamsofskies, & @pkhadassah about how ignoring the traditional ideas of consistency is helping me write. https://twitter.com/ADHDdesigner/status/1379293794445754369

When @ADDamexists expressed interest, I said I'd try & talk about it.

First, I have to apologize because I AM using the traditional idea of consistency but I'm also subverting it for my own purposes so that it works with my #ADHD brain.

I think it was Jerry Seinfeld who gave the advice that if you want to do something every day, buy a calendar & every day you do the thing (e.g., write jokes), you put an X on that day in the calendar. Then you don't break the streak. You make sure you get an X in the box.

But #writing Twitter has been great with explaining that thinking about writing, coming up with ideas, setting scenes, doing research, & LOTS of other things "count" as writing. Writing is about getting your ass in the chair, but it also has a lot of other things involved.

The first time I tried to "write every day" I would sit at my computer & after getting my other stuff done. I could never think of anything to write, so I'd journal. In one way, this was great because reconstructing my day meant I'd remember all kinds of stuff I'd forgotten!

Seeing how much I was missing encouraged me to get better at making a note in the moment to do a thing so it wouldn't slip my mind. It also made me realize how often I think the same thing, which helped me relax about forgetting everything. Odds were good I'd think it again!

Eventually I started dreading these sessions. They took longer & longer because I'd do them later & later, procrastinating & whatnot. I'd be tired & cranky & the stuff I wrote was cranky & it wasn't fun or interesting. You know how much an #ADHD brain hates that!

So I gave it up & beat myself up & lost my streak of X's on the calendar.

I noodled around, trying to figure out some way to "get in the groove." I've written a LOT of stuff, but not even a fraction of what's in my head. I needed a way to combine the urge to write with the act.

A lot of times, I'd get an idea & write & write until I had to do something else or I got bored or whatever & that'd be it. Writers all say things like "FINISH!" because we all have unfinished work lying around. But for an #ADHD person, once you've dropped something, that's it.

I resisted the idea of making a "writing space" because I didn't want to be precious, but I realized in reading about various psychological concepts that you can help your success if you associate certain things with other things. Like you associate the kitchen with eating...

I thought I might do better if I associated a particular place in my office with writing. Nothing fancy, I just cleared a spot.

Then I wondered if maybe writing by hand might help. For one thing, it would keep me off the computer/Internet with their myriad distractions.

I have UTTERLY FAILED to write by hand if I think the notebook is "too good." This is obviously some kind of weird mental block tied up in my self-esteem (or lack thereof). At the same time, as a lefty, I find spiral-bound notebooks uncomfortable.

I love tablet-style notebooks w/the spiral at the top. But in terms of "association" I associate those with working. I take copious notes when working or researching & it felt weird to use a WORK notebook for WRITING. It's ridiculous, but I'm trying to make the process smooth.

The smoother the process, the fewer bumps & roadblocks, the more likely I can overcome my ADHD, depression, & anxiety & get it done.

I have accepted that planning & going w/the grain of my weird brain improve the odds that I'll get a thing done. I've stopped resisting (mostly).

My partner travels a lot, so when we started dating, he started taking me places. My therapist at the time noticed that I was happier when I talked about travel & she suggested I take a notebook along & document my trip so I could revisit it more easily (pre-ADHD diagnosis).

I don't know where I picked up the habit, but I'd write on the right side of the notebook & use the left side as a space to annotate. E.g., I'd jot down where & what we ate on the left side & then later write out the experience. I did this with lots of things...

I'd jot notes about the market we visited, the snack I ate, the shop where I bought a trinket, etc. so I'd have the name/address for the complete journal entry later. I regularly bought Moleskines for the little pocket in the back to stash receipts (which had that info on them).

I do NOT recommend Moleskines, by the way. At least the "leather" covers. When I went back to Krakow, Poland after 10 years, I brought the original notebook with me & the "leather" fell apart & shed bits over everything. I'm still finding shreds in my gear 2 years later. Yuck.

I tried a LOT of different notebooks for my travel notebook & got a good idea of what's comfortable for me versus what's comfortable to haul out in a restaurant or cafe & scribble in. I compromise with a slightly smaller notebook than I'd like for portability's sake.

Moleskine does make larger notebooks with a simple cardboard cover & sewn binding. I find them very comfortable to write in. I still write on the right & use the left for annotation. But now it's stuff I forgot or that would make the writing flow better or character/place notes.

This isn't a "I need a special notebook" whine, this is an effort to find something that's mentally & physically comfortable to remove those bumps/barriers. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm avoiding something due to discomfort until I sit down & analyze why it's happening.

Anyway, the notebooks are plain enough to overcome my "too good for me" fears but well-made enough to be useful for my purposes.

This thread is getting way too long. I didn't really plan it out before I started. Surprise!

When I started paying attention to how I think about stories, I noticed that I often tell them to myself when I'm bored or, more often, as I'm trying to fall asleep. If I think about a story long enough, I can often get to some sort of conclusion. Or at least a climactic moment.

I've been telling myself stories all my life & now I think that if I'm still telling it to myself, going over certain scenes & wrestling with this scene or that detail, then it's probably interesting enough to hold my attention. Which is good.

But it's REALLY unlikely that I'll be able to write the whole thing in one session. Due to decades of experience with my ADHD, I always feel like if I don't DO THE THING when I have the momentum, it'll only get half done. I would often leave unfinished projects around the house.

How do I get past that with writing? Someone (somewhere) said something like "Don't put it all on the page, leave something for tomorrow" & that struck me, but I didn't know what to do with it.

I've read a lot & experimented with things like the Pomodoro Effect (where you work in 20-minute segments, then take a break) & the 15-Minute experiment (where you clean for 15 min & stop when the timer goes off or keep going if you have momentum).

The idea of "The perfect is the enemy of the good" is that trying to get it perfect means you'll never do anything because you're waiting for or trying to accomplish perfection, which is impossible. "Done is better than good" is a similar phrase. How do I apply this to writing?

I told myself that if I can just write one sentence, I'm ahead of the game. Something is better than nothing. I could even write a paragraph. Or 50 words.

But it still felt like it wasn't enough, so I settled on one page. I would write one page.

The next problem was, what do I write? And I realized I'd been telling myself a particular story on & off for several months, so I started writing it down. That went well until I got to a difficult transition & I wrote & wrote & got more & more BORED.

I didn't want to fail again. I didn't want to give up on my string of X's in the calendar. So, I skipped it. A conversation about writing elsewhere on Twitter talked about JUST GO where, instead of writing the transition, you just put the character in the next spot.

What a ridiculous relief! Yes it's not a complete story, but I wrote myself notes about what the character needed to accomplish between here & there & if I decide to try & publish it, I can work on the transition again. But I can do that from the end point, looking back.

It seems much more feasible rather than struggling to push through in a way that might demoralize me & kill my momentum. STORIES DO NOT HAVE TO BE WRITTEN LINEARLY. You can write it however the hell you want. Start with the end & work your way to the beginning!

Write the scenes in your head & skip the transitions. Maybe you'll add, "And then they walked home" later or maybe you'll have to fill in more, but if you can get the bones of the thing down, you can fill in other parts later. Almost nobody makes movies from beginning to end.

To go back to @ADHDdesigner's original tweet, you do not have to be consistent. You do not have to do it THE WAY. People always say things like "There's no RIGHT way to do this" but they don't really fill in the rest. How do you find YOUR OWN WAY to do it?

How do you find the way that works for you? You experiment. But the vast majority of models out there don't have ADHD or they're not talking about the ADHD aspects of their process. Maybe they don't have it or maybe they don't know they have it.

I talked about having a spot to write, but I didn't talk about intention. Part of designating a spot for writing is that when I sit there, my INTENTION is to write.

But when I would journal at the end of my day, I had the intention to write something, but that wasn't enough.

So, I needed intention but I also needed something else. That was the stories I told myself. My plan became to put down on paper one of the stories that was floating around in my head. Intention + story seed. Next?

I've had intention before & I've had stories before. How do I make this different? I asked myself for the consistency of daily work, letting me put that X on the calendar, but it could be at any time between when I woke up & before I went back to sleep.

I limited the work: one page at a time (or two if I got really excited). I also gave myself permission to give up & skip scenes if I couldn't figure them out. I use a fancy pen that feels nice & notebooks that are comfortable for me.

I also dug out scraps & bits of stories I've typed in over the past 35 years I've been online, figuring I don't need to always start from scratch. There's much less than I thought. I feel like I've written so much, but I think it's all been in my head! Which is startling.

I've been doing this since the beginning of the year. I don't usually make New Years' resolutions, but a fresh start is always nice. I've completed three stories. BUT I've also struggled mightily & I'm constantly learning my own processes.

For instance, if I haven't finished the story in my head & I start writing it, I meander through the writing almost fruitlessly. Just a lot of pointlessly doing this & saying that. Something about the process of thinking the story through helps tremendously.

Not just the basic plot points, but major scenes. I think them through over & over. Why? I dunno. But it seems to help tighten the writing. I also talk to myself on the page, using it as a sounding board. If I write it down, it helps me work through it.

I'm not even good yet. This is just getting the goddamn words on the page. I haven't typed any of the completed stuff into the computer or shown it to anyone. Before I commented on the original thread, I had only told 2 people I was doing this work.

This is because I've said, "I'm writing!" before & then had it fall apart & then I've got embarrassment on top of shame, which sucks extra hard. So now that I've written a friggin' essay here, what are the lessons learned?

Pay attention to what you're doing already. I actually used this back when I used to train people on Internet security. What are your existing processes? Can we streamline & improve them? Don't fight what works, build on it if you can.

Something that might help you is to write with some small amount of intention. Before you write, decide what you're going to write. Or at least decide that you're going to write fiction or memoir or a journal entry or an essay. What do you want to accomplish? Work on that.

What does success look like to you? Is it just getting the stories out of your head? Being able to show them to friends? Putting them on the Internet? Getting them published in an online magazine? A print magazine?

I think I want to get published. But I'd also like to get to a place where I can write more than a page at a time without wrecking myself. So, I'm trying to create the space in my life AND THE SPACE IN MY BRAIN to accomplish that. It's really difficult.

I don't know what my next step looks like, I really don't. I have a vague idea of success, but not really a plan on how to get there. Sometimes it feels like my reality moves on a scale akin to geologic time, while everyone else is moving at light speed. Change is hard & slow.

Here we are at the end of the thread. I don't have a good concluding statement & the whole thing looks weird from here, but whatever. It's done! I'm probably going to skip Twitter tomorrow, so if you have questions I'll catch them Saturday.

EOF