ok so, short term goals; going to turn off private, and try to connect more with folks. I've come to the conclusion that I like art, and I don't want that part of me to go away.
long term goals are, well, long term. I have a lot of things to resolve, but gonna keep trying.

I wanted to add onto this thread, I cleaned up some of my more vent-y posts; but there's no weakness in seeking help, from friends, therapy, etc. I've been too proud (read: afraid) for a long while, never too late to start getting help. It helps.