My 86 year old great-aunt just clowned this man’s collard greens and told him it tasted like baked salad. And the sadness on his face after looking down at his pan of greens will sustain me for a while.

My aunt also just handed me a Dr. Pepper that she filled with powdered BC aspirin and I feel like I could fight a goat.

She’s been talking about a man called Gugliana for the past 15 minutes and I’m just realizing she’s talking about Giuliani.

She just described her daily walk where last August she says she heard a bunch of voices in a pond, and since then 16 people she’s known has died. “And I said to myself ‘You’ve just had a supernatural experience.’” (Note: it was geese, but we don’t tell her it was geese.)

My youngest great-aunt is 85 and is having me ghostwrite all of her church correspondence that she’s rewriting in her own script. She’s been looking over what I wrote for the past 5 mins before finally saying “Wait, I don’t have on my glasses. I can’t read this.”