I saw a city trending. Because I’m American, I immediately thought, “was there another mass shooting?” And yes. There was. You might have noticed I don’t talk about those. It might seem that I don’t care. But that’s not the case.

I care very much that the Atlanta killings targeted my Asian siblings. I mourn the loss of my LBGTQ+ friends. I hate that the saying should be “as American as school shootings” (they have apple pie all over, after all).

But I gave up after Vegas. I was still so sad and so angry about Orlando. But Vegas so soon afterward broke me. I have no hope at all that this will ever end. Not here. We will ever have a Dunblane. We will never have a Port Arthur. No “last mass shooting” will ever occur here.

There will just be the next one. Over and over again. The laws will never change. We won’t even try something (anything?) to try to help. I cannot have hope on this thing. It’s been destroyed. It’s been crushed too many times. I will vote in every way I can to help change things.

But I do not engage. I haven’t in years. It just makes me too sad. The anger is mostly gone, though it comes out sometimes too. But it’s the complete helplessness and despair that gets me. I just... I can’t anymore.

I am American. This is part of my life and sadly always will be. I am informed, but do not engage, for my own health. I’m sorry, but it’s what I have to do.

But for the record: I grew up with guns. I can shoot them, though it’s been thirty years since I have, bc I don’t need to. I was taught and firmly believe they have one purpose and one purpose only: to kill*. If you don’t need to kill, you don’t need a gun.

*or perhaps some sporting pursuits, ie, biathlon. But those can stay at the sports facility. Actually, nearly all guns could stay in off site storage in my opinion. Yeah... I’m extraordinarily anti-guns for the general public. Guns are for killing animals or humans.

If you don’t need to do that (and very few do) you don’t need a gun. That’s my take and how I live. (My phone autocorrected my typo in that last word to “love.” That too, actually.)