So it's four years since my friends hen do. It was Disney themed so I thought I'd go as the Cheshire Cat. Then, weirdly, it was another friends hen do roughly the same time two years ago and it was Alice in Wonderland themed so I recycled.
The first pic was me at my fattest.

I just went with it. I love dressing up so the face paint and fancy dress was fine. I was ashamed of being that size, and that's not to shame anyone who's bigger, I'm still a big girl. Society (which has a BIT since then) affected me so much, I hated myself for being fat.

I felt like I wasn't worth anything, I'd heard all the fat gags, all the back handed compliments. On the hen do we were in a bar, there was an Irish lad. I started chatting to him about Ireland and he pretty much blanked me because I was fat. I was married, I wasn't interested.

When you're fat, you can be invisible. He was ashamed to be seen talking to me because of what his mates thought. Society has changed over time and the body confidence movement is empowering, but still. I felt worthless and ashamed. Society conditioned me to feel that way.

Now, I give no fucks. I am sad that I've gained weight over lockdown but a lot of folks have. Now I wear whatever because FUCK what you think. I've thought that myself a million times so I can disarm you with a million worse things I've thought or said to myself.

I love me